I got nowhere
I’m singing to no-one
Another
Making the signal
Across, to the building
My queen, how do I revolve in the idle
Turn-off your light, and dream about
I had to be, this
Malediction, Muk
The voice of Espeon, will do nothing
Pokemon, X
Cure
How am I here
Forces
.
I’m empty, but deep down I feel a very distinct emotion of hate, and sorrow. My mind is very confusing, to say the least. There are trap doors that hide behind old memories collecting dust, and I don’t have a flash light to rummage through broken dreams without being cut. Too bad my scars are not able to completely fade away, I can not hide everything from everyone and I seem to do a shit job at it anyway. But what I find is that the people who notice are the people who really care. I mean, if you “care”, that’s fine, but don’t hang […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6W_0B1nDvw
Lyrics:
In woeful throes of youthful lust,
I held my breath as you held my hand.
Heart to heart, flesh to flesh,
honesty, emotion long repressed.
Confidence and poise that I could never imitate
as you led me down the stairs to where my hopes had lied in wait.
This is how I choose to remember you,
in the light of some hallway I’d never know again.
“Please stay with me.”
And even though our words were wasted, they had never been more true.
Your gentle wrists, your sacred smile. Each longing breath, I take for you.
Was nice felt so light physically and mentally. A nice break. But be warned… had i a gun nearby i wouldnt be here i dont think. I conceptualized and pictured that and there was no hesitation mentally. Almost a feeling like it wouldnt be quite real or i could try it and then undo it. Hard to explain not a bad experience but maybe a bit dangerous.
Moved to a new city for work. Don’t know anyone here.
Sometimes the world seems full of people I don’t want to know. People who lead dull, uninteresting, self-satisfied lives. Bored and boring people going about their humdrum existence.
Sometimes I think maybe it’s the other way around. That I’m dull and uninteresting and that world is beautiful and full of light and beautiful, interesting people shun me because I’m weird and fucked up and beneath contempt.
Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I’m sad. Mostly what I am is alone.
Bad luck never leaves.
Your jinx just floats around
Like the taste inside your mouth,
or the sound when your skull cracks.
Feel the growing pains.
It means you’re growing up too fast.
Telling white lies to black cats.
Stretch me out across the tracks.
While you were sleeping I was blood red,
sharp as a knife inside your stomach.
I’m squeezing tight; don’t let the light in.
No medicine.
Daydream tendencies had you smiling soft and sweet.
Keep those blurry memories somewhere safe-
you may need them.
You can make a wish,
but there’s no rabbit out the hat.
Realize it’s never coming back.
While you were […]
It’s getting awful lonely around the ‘bastard’s gentlemen club’
Shambles absolute shambles
It’s a pretty grim dawn.
So, go ahead pull the trigger, light the fuse.
Open the door, step on through.
It’s weird isn’t it?
That instant effect? That blaring distorting?
Zero apologies, no note, no comparative grievances.
This is a French exit of parallel thoughts.
Let’s go back to those hideous wilds with smiles on our faces.
Let’s get stranger again.
How about one last nasty scare before bed time?
One last gasp, one more really good cry.
Lights seeps in
Darkness fades away
Darkness seeps in
Light fades away
In between is a balance
A balance for neutral peace
Peace cannot be destroyed only pushed away
We all go through darkness
We all go through light
In between is a balance that’s just right
so sit tight dear kite
for you will fly in such great height
for you are the light
so that the dark will sit right in tight
for peace of flight that is just right
~M00n – how was it? I just wanted to express my feelings on total peace and how the dark needs to come together with the light to work together and sort out what they are feeling when they […]
Cracks in the walls
Deep within darkened halls
Where is the light?
You left me long ago
Will I leap?
From this deathly height
Or will I go running?
In terrible fright
Can you keep what matters most?
Or do you rip
Hearts from throats?
Can I count you as a friend?
Or will you hound me
To the end?
Here I sat on a bench on a lonely night. The city is busy as it always is, millions of people going through their daily lives. Young couples walking hand in hand through. Others like me walking in solitude, sounds of a festival of some sort sounding in the distance. The stars shining their strange otherworldly glow, a perfect sight to behold. Too bad it’s spent in lonliness I thought to myself. And then she came to me, as I laid eyes on her face, I was mesmerized. Love at first sight, she asked my name and I told her. Then she said, I’m Maria, […]
Where ever I may go, there will always be Demons swarming around me. Sucking dry every chance I may get at happiness. I have fallen out of grace with the light long ago, and now the dark covers me with its unholy glow of blackness. Perhaps it’s my fault for letting the darkness blacken my soul. Angels scorn me, demons mock me, gods disown me, spirits wait for me. A dissolute creation of the most shallow kind. Doomed to walk in lonliness until the end of time. Another light faded. Another hope darkened. Another dream ripped from me by the demons that swarm me. They […]
For the past week and a half, I have been walking through a tunnel of darkness, it feels. I couldn’t see and thought I wasn’t going to be able to find a way out. It was disorienting. But I kept trudging, and along the way, fears from childhood pulled at me from the darkness. They nagged at me. “Stay with us,” they pleaded. “Don’t leave us behind,” they cried. So I stayed for a while. They soothed me with their familiarity. So I stayed for a few more days. Then a voice within the darkness asked me, “Don’t you remember?” But my fears gripped me […]
Finally a light at the end of the tunnel, a painless, definite and cheap way to go…
Last night I lost control over my feelings. Couldn’t stop crying. My family went out so I stayed home alone. I turned off all my bedroom lights and went and sat in my closest. Started crying; weeping. I was thinking about cutting again. I was saying to myself “You promised. Don’t break the promises you made.”
Although I promised, I turned on the closet light and looked for the blades (2). As I was holding them in my hands I kept thinking of my friends and the promises I made.
After a while holding them, it was hard but I put them back and got up. […]
I’ve tried to save myself for the past 10 years but I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to continue it. For the past couple of days I can only see the darkness around me without the light of hope. Nothing make sense anymore, nothing matters.
”…1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw ’em back, till I lose count
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist.
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry.
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
But I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes.
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight.
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes.
Keep my glass full until morning light, […]
(NOTE: THIS IS JUST A RANT. DON’T TAKE ANY OF IT PERSONALLY IF YOU DO)
Maybe society really is fucked up.
I mean now it has doctors and therapist telling parents that if their child wants to hurt
themselves to let them. Just to be on stand by just in case. They’re telling parents that it’s their child’s life and they can do anything they want to their bodies. That there’s no way to stop them. Parents can’t force their kids to get help or to let them in.
Maybe society really is fucked up.
It now has girls and boys on social media who […]
It was June 2013 and a friend recommended me to a self help workshop called world works. It was a cult. They used sleep deprivation and yelling techniques to control 30 of us in a room with limited breaks. There a 3 levels of the program and I reached level 2. I quit after that but they were still bothering me writing nasty texts and kept calling me. They were awful and tried to make you feel terrible. My friend asked me whats the matter. I thought not talking about would make it go away and it didn’t. I felt like I was being followed […]
i took 42 days and spoke not a word, nor did i write that would be cheating.
mostly i wondered why i wished for death so terribly
i want to end my life
for shame
i am ashamed of how scared i am, and how useless i am,
i am ashamed of how much of a burden i am
and how much hurt i cause to those i care for because i am weak
if measured by the skill it takes to kill
a phantom is a 1,000 weights and reality a penny pound
and all my strength turned to ash by the febrile strength of an unjust man
dissipated by sour breath and uncouth […]
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