I haven’t been on here in such a long time and from reading my last post I can see that I was in a very dark place. I am not fully recovered and I still have relapses from time to time, but I found that when you actually let people in to help and you give life a chance that things can change. Since me last post I have found the love of my life, moved out on my own, got engaged, and let my family back into my life. Without my family, friends and my medication I wouldn’t be on here talking to you. I […]
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Long Time
It was a normal saturday. And a lonely one at that. It was late at night, music playing and I was drowning in tears. I lay staring up at the ceiling with thoughts circling round in my head on repeat like a broken record…’Nobody will miss if I die’ ‘I’m worthless’ ‘I’ve got nothing to live for’.
Those words followed me everywhere, and my mind was consumed with the hopelessness of ending my life, and that night, that was the decision i’d made.
To end my life.
To put an end to the misery.
I went into the bathroom and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills i’d been eyeing […]
I have been cut free for a year as of last week. I have never known any cutters other than myself, but that maybe because I never told anyone . No why would they expect that the laughing funny guy is just a mask to hide my rotting face behind.Even though its nearly killed me several times I still want to cut. When I cut I pretend I was a surgeon and I was just performing an operation, nothing was solved but nothing mattered.Does this ever go away? Its funny, such a little piece of metal can control me so easily.I cut  off one eyebrow […]
There are those that you trust & those that you enjoy spending time with right?
My friend is leaving the country for a long time. Happy for him, better life where his going anyways! I’ve helped him out when he had his huuuuge fallout with his ex, I was the “shoulder to cry on” friend. He was aaalways calling me his bestfriend, being appreciative about my existence and shared with me everything he thought I should know. ha sooo I could say I was pretty much his little treasure box, we were good friends! I didn’t see him more or less than a friend, sooo he […]
I haven’t been an avid writer on this cite, I haven’t been able to make any relationships with any of you, and I know this cite is to relieve oneself from the frustration of that constant feeling of undying depression, but I just wanted you all to know how thankful I am for all the help you have given me. Because even though you don’t know me, talked to me or even commented on anything I’ve posted, I have read your stories and I don’t feel alone. It’s been 7 months of suicide-free euphoria! Nothing has changed in my life, and if anything going through […]
I’d like to be a EMT. Or a 68W, or a doctor… something along those lines. I know it’s not going to happen for a very long time, but I think it would be something I’d really care about. I wish I could save people.
I haven’t been on here for a long time because I really needed sometime to think. Thank you for all your comments they were very inspiring and helpful. It seems like everyone on here could be my family even if my family doesn’t want me, I see that. But now I have something popping up and I don’t know how to deal with it. I have had abusive boyfriends, cheating boyfriends, ‘use and go’ boyfriends, and just to sum it all up ‘BAD BOYFRIENDS’. It’s my fault for having boyfriends at a young age, but that is what i turned to for comfort, boys. I […]
reading a lot of posts on here lately (i’m around, even if i don’t comment, i don’t like trying to offer advice when i don’t have any), seems like some of this site has degenerated into the petty bullshit that communities always do. just goes to show that even the most superficial of relationships break down in destructive ways. there’s no point in trying to connect with anyone, really.
anyway i noticed that most people say that this is a community of people who are at their end… people who have made multiple attempts, people who have been with depression for a long time. now i […]
It’s been quite a long time since I’ve been on here,
Life still continues to pass me by. I met a girl who I have been involved with for around 9 months now.
I have learnt a lot about her.. Heck I even love her. I didn’t think I would meet anyone again at least not after the relationship I was in prior..
She’s changed from the girl I originally met back in December. She isn’t the girl I fell in love with..
She dismisses my feelings like they are just disposable. She’s sent my heart into a deep abyss, of darkness, anger and hate.
I have so much uncertainty […]
Well, first, sorry for my bad english…
My life is horrible. I never had nothing… I always be different; In the worst way. When i was a kid, my sister and my cousin excluded me. My parents always fighting and my father never really like us. He just wanna get out, and one day, he goes. But unfortunately, leave took a long time. All starts bad…
I think that one day, i´ll be happy and that all was just a bad time. But not. Grown up that way destroyed me. I think that i am one of that people who born to never be loved for nobody. I […]
I cheated on my last boyfriend with the same guy twice.
Ive had sex with three guys who i were not dating.
I’ve had sex with 10 guys
I have a tattoo
Ive tried killing myself several times
Ive been wanted to die for the past three years
Im scared of the dark
I feel like I’m never gonna make in this world without a man
I want a secret chick lover
I love photography but think i suck at it
I wish i could be a stonner like my brother bc then life would be simple
I pushed a lot of people away
I […]
My little sister is nine – and since im somewhat glad to say that tonight will be my last night – i wrote letters to all my family members , and friends – this is to my little sister when she gets older….The Following is a letter to sofia ( please give to Mom and Dad until sofia reaches 12 or until you feel that you need to give it to her)
Hey Lil’ sis ! Miss you – If your reading this – then you know that im dead , and i have been dead for a long time now… I would love to have […]
Well today’s the day. Sunday. The plan was to end my life tonight. Leaving a couple different notes addressed to different people. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Planning since the beginning of the school year, which started August 27, the day before my birthday. The plan was to wait until after my parents went to sleep, then go do it. My method is not the most preferred method out there, in fact many people hate it and think it’s like THE WORST one. But I have my reasons and I have tried twice before, failing obviously. Waking up in a hospital room surrounded […]
Although I’ve been feeling better lately (especially last week I was absolutely in a state of frenzy, I was elated to see my friends and everything was amazing for 1 or 2 days) I’ve discovered that my new found ‘betterness’ can be crushed with a few words of discouragement from someone.
A few days ago I stumbled upon a program at my university that offers free counseling if they discover that I suffer from depression.
The thing is that I might not be in a state of true depression right now but I had the symptoms before and felt really horrible. I’m kind of afraid, it took […]
please do not try to judge me, but thinking about it now, i don’t think a human being should even need friends.
i’m not saying they r a waste of time, but they aren’t “requiered” to live. Any man can live and be sane without having to interact with many other humans. actually, people need friends to one, know how to interact, two, keep up with news, or three, know what to be sane it.
but being sane isn’t of one quallity, besides the quality of being sane. sane can mean go along with killing millions of people who go by that religion and be normal. or sane could […]
i just signed up on this website and im happy to have found it, i just wanna know how to feel better about myself, and talk to people that wont make fun of me, i know my problem’s arent as bad as most but they build up inside and it’s gets to where i wanna cry….but i cant i dont want my family to know about my saddness or know how alone i feel. i just feel so un-welcomed to this earth, im only 17 i know i pronly dont have room to talk but…its ture, they say love will come but does it? they […]
Ya well i broke up with her about 3 months ago didnt wana hurt her honestly but It because I am Bi and I like more guys I have boyfriend and well I am Gay.Came out the closest 2 months ago and ya since then people are still talking shit and it doesnt stop. I honestly dont know what i did wrong but I hurt my ex it’s weird I would still do anything for her anything anything still feelings there for her cus we went out for 2 years and they just wont go away..However, meet my boyfriend on Facebook and he my […]
i had been living alone for 6 years until i got a dui awhile back, which snapped the thin monetary thread id been hanging by, so i had to move in with my mom..i’m almost 30 and i am very lonely. im very short and not particularly good looking so im unable to attract a mate. and presently relized by being short, ugly, broke and living at home as well as kinda old and less experienced , that its very likely ill never meet anbody and be alone all my life(having a family was a big desire of mine). id been on many dating sites for […]
Do you ever get the feeling where you don’t feel dark or especially depressed, but your mind is fixated on suicide and it’s never far from the front of your thoughts? You’re able to function just fine and you don’t feel any sadder than usual, it’s just that you’re constantly planning and thinking about your own death no matter how hard you try to distract yourself.
That’s how I feel right now, and have felt for the past 2 years pretty much non stop. And it scares me, because I can’t help but wonder if this is all I am now, all I’m going to be. […]
So i faced my worse fear.. But the so called “vacation” i suppose to have fun on didn’t go as i planned… When i got to Ontario the first 2 days was relaxing and sorta fun. I hadn’t relaxed in a long time it was nice but after that my depression took a spiraling turn for the worst… I got extremely depressed i couldn’t even find the strength to play with my 2 year old baby brother Jayson whom was plastered to my side the whole time i was there… When we got home a week later i started to loosen up and relax.. But […]