http://mydeathspace.com/article-list.aspx?q=suicide
look at the suicide sections.. it made me feel a bit numb and some of the stories are shocking.. the one that touched me the most was of this one couple Derrick and Amy Ross made me teary…
Hi, My name is Mary Jean. I have this small problem, well I guess you could say it isn’t small. I have been trapped in a world of self harm and self hate for nearly 4 years. The biggest reason is the huge rumors going around that I can’t ever seem to stop. They all keep asking me if I’m pregnant, which can’t possibly be true.. because I’m a lesbian. Shocker.. right? This girl named Caytlin has been helping me through my problems since the beginning of this school year. I’m head over heels for her and I know that she is, or at least was head […]
The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.
—Even […]
When I’m around normals, I feel like nobody could ever understand the amount of hurt I feel. So I come somewhere where nobody knows me. I share my pain. Some people look at it like they couldn’t ever imagine going through something so horrible. Others look and say “wow, what a spoiled brat. I’ve had it twice as hard.”
Only the dead are winners here.
Don’t we all like to lose?
You think it’s just physical
The cookie cutter arms
The chopping board thighs
But there is a battle
A battle beyond the realm of chemistry
Beyond the realm of physical sight
It’s invisible but tangible as you cringe away from the presence
From the presence of this spiritual battlefield under wraps
Felt but not seen
Experienced yet never fully understood
Ever present, ever active
The spiritual warfare waging in our midst
Cookie cutter arms
Chopping board thighs
You keep your distance and avert your eyes
Yet you don’t know why
There is a battle waging
Beyond the corner of your eyes
But there is only reason to […]
“Mad World”
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
I really want to know why people are so fucked up. Why can’t people do whatever the hell they want as long as they don’t invade the rights of others? Things like weed, prostitution, and so on are illegal or taboo, but seriously, why? Why are we told to look down on people who are okay with doing drugs or having sex with tons of strangers? What’s the alternative but working nine to five until retirement and death? Whenever I tell my mother that we should allow people to do what they want, she acts like she’s okay with it, then, if I rephrase the […]
Let me introduce myself first. My name is Drew. I’m 22 years old and am currently in the Air Force. I am a very outspoken, loving person and it’s very easy for me to make new friends. But my problem is this: I don’t want to be just another blip on the radar of life… I don’t want my entire being to amount to nothing. My dad is a perfect example of this… He used to be a fun, happy man until he lost his job and his wife (my mother) several years ago. Now he is consumed with hate and regret. He has never […]
I am all empty inside. I have no friends. I don’t go to school anymore… the things I enjoyed in the past now look dead to me. I tried to end my life while I was on medical treatment for severe deppresion, and I was on a therapist treatment. For a funny coincidence, I ate bad pizza before I took 4 or 5 complete boxes of random medicine I found at home. My stomach was exploding, my heart went all crazy, and at 3:00 am when I thought I was going to die from a heart attack or something, I threw up because of the pizza. Fainted, […]
If one lives for the incredibly small things in life, does that make them pathetic? That has been a big question on my mind lately. I feel like my life is futile and meaningless. The only thing I look forward to daily is my night ritual. I scoop myself about a pint of chocolate ice cream, preferably Breyer’s or Edy’s, squirt a generous amount of Hershey’s chocolate syrup on top, and then park myself in front of the TV for the rest of the night to watch Arrow, Doctor Who, and other such shows. I know eventually, that’s going to catch up with me physically, […]
Most days, I feel like giving up… I have pets I live for now, nothing else. I sit at work and wish no one would look or talk to me. Most of the time a nasty comment comes from my mouth to lash out, it is all I have left. I am tired of the stares. I have been trying to place my pets, I made a will and am preparing to commit suicide. I don’t know when just yet. I am writing letters to friends and family. And even one to my employer who was the the most cause of my depression and stress. […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/03-Nude.mp3
Don’t even try, Yorke says. Don’t get any big ideas, any silly dreams. Look at you. You’re a speck of dust in the cosmos, if that. Who do you think you are? To the universe, you’re just a bunch of noise, if that.
Sorry for all the posts today.. but i needed to write this down somewhere…
I’ve been having these slight and subtle flashbacks to who I was and how my character was before all this mess took over.. I can almost feel that person trying to lighten my spirits.. it has me in tears
Is it real? Or another hallucination.. I’m afraid to let it lead me. I don’t know if it’s the devil in disguise, waiting for me to let my guard down.
How did I even get to this… why did I ever come here? And when I’m not here, why am I this […]
Spending all my time trying to find my feet and then I lost my legs. Look at me like where’s the happiness, but if only I can grow it like hair I’d be all in this. Don’t look at me like my woes reproduce like lice, standing over me like you’re Jesus Christ. Nail yourself to someone else who needs saving, or walk on water if you like, as long as you walk away.
Because I don’t need release from this..no need in letting go..the meaning in between the seams are splitting just to show you what I know. If I find it hard to sleep tonight, […]
where did it all go so wrong. it wasn’t just one event but a build up a slow etching away of humanity and life, you take away this and I settle for that. then this and this and this and that is gone. Wait there is more to lose and I settle for that…no that is not enough this is gone too and even more…no walks in the park, no hugging your dog no gong to work and put up with the regular BS, no family to talk to, no face to recognize…. NOTHING left of value or importance, what left too look forward too
How am I supposed to live like this? I’m not allowed to mess up,nt allowed to be different. At least that’s how it feels. No one will understand me. No one can ever know about what I do. The kind of things I contemplate. IM IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! I’m not supposed to think like this, I’m supposed to walk around and gossip, and talk about boa like the rest of the boys. I’m not supposed to keep a razor hiden in my room, in not supposed to look forward to being alone, I’m nt supposed to go home as fast as I can do I […]
Right now I’m about to do one of the things that’s going to affect me for the rest of the day and on into next week. Yard work. Sounds dumb, right?
I’m going to go out there for a couple hours to pick up the leaves and the entire time there’s going to be a nagging feeling that the neighbors are watching me out their windows and telling their spouses something like “look at wtf he’s doing. He doesn’t know wtf he’s doing, he’s doing it wrong. How the fuck could he not know how do it it? I mean it’s about time anyways because I’m […]
I recently had my girlfriend (who I thought was the love of my life) somewhat leave me. I thought that she was the one, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She made me so happy, that I couldn’t imagine life (or living) without her. When we first started dating, I felt the happiest that I have ever felt in my life. We were so in love, and she would look in my eyes and all of my problems went away. But now I just feel alone, I haven’t seen her in like two weeks, and she won’t reply to […]
So they blocked this website at work. I’m not sure if they saw that i was visiting it an inordinate amount daily or it’s a coincidence. I can’t really look at it as often as I’d like.
I stayed home today. but I called in sick, showered and ate so I think i’m doing pretty good. I’m not letting things fall apart but I don’t know how I’m gonna make it tomorrow.
I feel stupid. I’m a bit ashamed of my sadness but at the same time I want to be out about being sad and sometimes suicidal. I hate the stigma. the fact that I’ve used […]