I am lost in my false reality. Ever sense the love of my life left me I don’t know what to do with myself. He told me he needed time to get his life together and I said I would wait. But the longer I wait the harder it gets. I didn’t want people to know how hurt I was so I tell them we are engaged and will elope next year. If they ask where he is i say away on business. I thought letting myself live in this dream would make me feel better but it just makes me more depressed. I don’t […]
Tag:
Lost
I was scared .. I am scared. Everyone needs saving, even I do. I need it but I don’t want it. I don’t want the cliched lecture that things will get better or the sympathetic conversation that reveals your place in our relationship that you’re there for me. Â I don’t want empty words to stall my decisions or help me to even consider changing my mind. I think about it all the time. I have set myself to learn to be content with death. I think of where my soul might go .. drifting through the darkness and blackness of empty space that seems to […]
I didn’t tell anyone that I was depressed. I didn’t know how. If you were a parent and your twelve year old daughter said she was depressed would you believe her? I wouldn’t, especially since I usually come across as the happiest of the children. When I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom, my timing couldn’t have been worse. It was the night before mothers day, and I let out all I had hidden. I opened up, I cried and confessed. I told her everything, right down to wishing the house would burn down with me along with it. I was so […]
Today I told myself every thing’s okay, and that if I don’t think about the future it will stay that way longer. Why do I give myself false hope. Why am I still trying. I know hope is lost so why am I faking. You know what one of the worst feelings is? The feeling that someone could be dead or someone could die and it’s all your fault. When people say I’m going to kill myself because of you. That’s not okay. I was in a relationship where several times the other person said goodbye and that they were not going to be alive […]
Silently, silently.
A teen not more than fifteen,
beaten and bruised,
lost and confused.
One who does not speak out,
but runs and hides.
Silently, silently,
she yearns for the missing young girl.
A teen not more than sixteen,
parties and people,
drugs and alcohol.
One who does not admit her addictions,
but hides behind them.
Silently, silently,
she screams for help.
A teen not more than seventeen,
taken advantage of,
hurt physically and mentally.
One who does not get help,
but remains quiet.
Silently, silently,
she wishes for relief.
A teen not more than eighteen,
broken and scarred,
self inflicted harm.
One who does not think,
but continues […]
I’m not sure if I should post this but here is the list of why I want to kill myself
I wouldn’t think of killing myself if it was a temporary crisis
I feel so trapped in
1- my country
a woman in saudi arabia has no life at all only if she was lucky enough
in my case i don’t have the luck
women are not allowed to drive I’ve lost a job because I couldn’t find anyone to arrive me to workplace
and now I gave up trying to find a job .. it is like i don’t want to go through this again
anyway my dream is to continue my studying […]
Most people know me as the girl who’s always smiling and laughing. Most dont know I suffer from depression. I’ve wanted to die everyday since I was eight. I have tried to kill myself twice by overdosing and both times i’ve failed. My own boyfriend thinks im crazy and so does my whole family. I started cutting yesterday. I think I did it because no one is there for me. No one wants to listen. The only person I told about my cutting was my bestfriend Sean, but that backfired because my boyfriend was with him. My boyfriend is now sending me rude texts saying […]
By this time, like I said previously, my life literally felt as if it was crumbling to pieces.
Ever since that one night, my mother’s “friend” had made a habit of having some sort of sexual activity or sex in itself every night, my mother being “oblivious”.
That summer though, my father decided to move back to my end of the country with his fiancé and her son. I was not that thrilled about it.
For two years, nothing really changed. We had a routine developed and everything was once again as stable as it could be. We moved a few times but that’s it. […]
It’s 12:01 am. The sweat on my neck causes my hair to stick to the back of my neck. I’m lying in bed. I’m lying to myself. I tell myself that I’m ok. That things will get better. Just give it time. But how much Time? Time is a valuable thing to me. I only have so much of it.
It’s now 12:05 am. I wasted 4 precious minutes typing. 4 minutes ill never get back…
Now it’s 12:10. I’ve been writing for 9 minutes. And yet I feel no better. As a writer shouldn’t this make me happy? If not, at least a tad bit […]
I don’t know why I feel this way
I don’t know why I do this to myself
I don’t know why I cry so much
I don’t know why I tried to kill myself
I don’t know why I push everyone away
I don’t know why I feel so alone
I don’t know why I am anxious
I don’t know why you hate me
But then again i think i do.
She is cutting again
she cant hide here pain
blood flowing from her veins
and they call her insance
She is insecure again
but the marks she made
in her room last night
with the only way she finds
She is pulling her sleeves down
she is crying all along
the way to her school
is not so far
She is afraid
to face the crowd
she better know
they will make her drown
she don’t want
to go back to the place
full of insults
and an unwanted pain
they call it school
she calls it hell
because that’s the only place
where she lost herself
And now
she is down again
but it’s not her fault
why every time she should pay
She is going back
to her home
but she cant bear
this […]
My life is falling apart by every minute. I lost my papau (greek grandpa) and i lost my very close family friend to me, my family is having problems and my so called “Friends” auctally hate me. Ive started cutting. I feel worthless. Even at school my teacher doesnt even call on me, i put my hand up in class and you know what. she dosent listen to me nor talk ot me. i feel invisiable.
i feel like im nothing. I hate my life
i hate everything.
Again, it’s me.
I figure I should do a re-cap just so no one gets lost.
My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five months old.
My mother met a new guy when I was four and I caught them having sex. Since that night, she made me watch and take part in sexual activities.
My mother moved me twelve hours away from my last piece of sanity and put me through hell with that new guy.
When I was eight my mother and I were out of a house so she shipped me off to my fathers.
While living with my […]
I miss you.
I miss you like hell.
Why did you have to change.
We fit so well together.
We were soulmates.
But you had to change.
I probably sound crazy but I’m so emotionally broken deep down in my heart I don’t know what to do.
Self harm is so relieving.
It’s how I tolerate the pain.
I thought this kind of stuff would never happen to me.
I can’t reach out for help. It seems unnecessary. I don’t want to disturb everyones little happy bubble. So I need to hide it. Hide all of my emotions so no one can see how broken I am. No one needs to know no one cares. […]
Well, I guess hello.
I don’t exactly know what I am doing here..
About ten minutes ago I was ready to end my life, but a person I know recommended I check out this one website awhile back and I figured it couldn’t hurt. That’s how I ended up here.
I don’t really know what I am suppose to say, or do. But I just really need to tell someone what is on my mind.
If you are also on this site reading my words, it is safe to assume that you’re dealing with something around the topic of suicide so you know the amount […]
On July 26, 2013, I will be sad, depressed, and all kinds of crap will be going on in my mind. Why? That day will mark the 3rd year that I lost my father to suicide.
My father was the most kindest mad you would have ever met. He would give his shirt off his back to a stranger. He use to tell me and my siblings and friends that “there is nothing wrong with being yourself.”
How can a man with such a big heart want to end all of that? And where was I when it happened?
I was about to take my last exam of […]
Three years ago this summer I lost my father. He managed to make it to my graduation and my first summer semester in college. However, towards the end of that summer my father decided to take his own life. To be a victim of SUICIDE.
During that summer, I lost three of my best friends. Not cause of death, no. But because we split up and went to different universities around the state. We do still talk to each other from time to time, its just hard to find another group of people that you share some of the same interests in, the same personalities, and […]
I know you are gone, but I keep looking at my phone and checking mail if MABY just maby you didnt kill yourself. I feel like Im going crazy….
Mom lost it yesterday…. For 2 days now she is totally out, she lost contact with reallity. She needs professional help.
And you thought you are the crazy one? Look at all of us now – lost without you.
And you thought nobody loves you…
You were so so so soooooooooooo wrong!!!!!!
I lost my sibling a long time ago
I didn’t even know them
But I feel like they’d be a better person than I am
And that they’d make more out of life than I have
I shouldn’t even be alive
They should
It’s not fair
It never was
Try to make moments merry, playing some tunes, attempt at lightening up the mood. Again dismissed, unwanted commentary. Once again surrounded by family but I feel so alone, unneeded, unnecessary, my appetite lost, my brief content from visiting relatives gone, in a heartbeat. I can’t wait to leave.