I can’t breathe, I can’t think. My heart is broken, my life is broken, I am broken. My mom shot herself 2 years ago and I’m trying to not think these thoughts, make these plans..I just can’t help it. I am so sad and alone and lost. I always wanted my legacy to be something extraordinary, special. It didn’t work out. My life has been one tragedy, one struggle, after another. People say I’m smart & beautiful, but I’m not. I never married because I didn’t want to ‘settle’.. but people just assume there’s something wrong with me. Every night I come home to an […]
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married
It’s a long story but I’ll try to make it short. My wife made some bullshit complaints about me 1 year ago and got a protection order against me. Well, the protection order ended today and I find myself still struggling with all that’s happened. I haven’t had any contact with her for the last year. I hear about her through our 17 year old son during visitation and thru my lawyer. I got served with divorce papers and the divorce is still winding its way thru the courts. That’s it – no “goodbye”, no “it’s over” or “we’re through.” We’ve been married 24 years […]
Howdy!
so this is my first post. I’ve stumbled across this site a few times but never posted. I’m currently an inpatient on line of sight in a psychiatric hospital. I’m 30, I’m a doctor and I’m married with two kids. So plenty to live for. I’ve a hold load of baggage which I’m not even going to go into.
ive been in hospital sectioned for 18 months. On Friday I nearly died. Despite being on line of sight (1:1 obs all the time) I tied a ligature to asphyxiate myself. I used a bed sheet and it was very quick. I was resuscitated and […]
I’ve never really had any sense of direction with my life. I think about the future quite often, but I don’t see myself in it. I never have. I don’t see myself doing any job or having children or getting married or living anywhere. I just don’t see it. I’m 23 and that’s still young, but most people have an idea of what they want to do with their life… I just don’t. I think I am destined to commit suicide. I feel like that’s my purpose in life. Does anyone else feel this way or think this could be my purpose ?
I never had a sweet 16 birthday, a great 21st birthday, I never got to go prom dress shopping and I wasn’t asked by any guys to go to prom, I never had a bridal shower, or went wedding dress shopping, I didn’t get a romantic proposal or a housewarming party, I don’t get a honeymoon or even a ceremony in a church. I had to wait 8 years with a guy who has abused me in all aspects possible the entire time. I’ve always been in abusive relationships. So after 8 years I finally settled on just going to a courthouse and getting married […]
Its been a very rough past few months for me. Hell who am I kidding, its been a very rough past 7 years. I just havent been able to catch a break. It’s been one thing after another. When it rains it pours? Yeah it’s been absolutely pouring down on me with no signs of stopping. Still looking for that ever non existent light at the end of this tunnel. Yet everytime I get to the point of no return I somehow am still here to live it all over again the next day. I have wanted to die for quite some time but I […]
27 weeks. I was gone for 27 weeks. And you were the closest thing I had to home.
Granted I didn’t know you for 10 of those, but hey training has this way of flinging the unexpected in your face. More often then not, it’s a hot steamy pile of crud… but not you. I remember walking through the hall past the other platoon females room while you unpacked your duffle. I remember thinking to myself how beautiful the lines in you shoulders were. How the cut of your jaw was strong and masculine yet soft and feminine. you were the most beautiful creature I had […]
ok so I am 14 years old and my whole life has been decided for me. What I mean is that my parents are controlling me and deciding my whole life and there is NO escape! It’s completely normal for all of this in the country I live in and 95% of the people from my country are the same but they just never complain and find it completely normal.. 🙁 some of my online friends told me “don’t worry you will be free once your 18” but no that’s not the case here. Here your parents will control you till you’re married (and they […]
My mom died just a couple of months ago in October. She was my best friend. I don’t have any other friends. Her absence leaves me feeling very alone in this world. I’ve been married for 12.5 years to someone who doesn’t seem to love me and it finally seems to be falling apart now. I need my mom more than ever. My oldest brother finds nothing but disappointment in me. My other brother would screw me over for an opportunity to help himself and his family. The only person on this earth now who loves me and would miss me is my teenage son. […]
Around four years ago I’d just encountered my first heartbreak. It was awful. She was my German girl and I was her American boy.. But, it wasn’t meant to last, I’m afraid, as she cheated on me. Tough break, kid lol. Anyway, I was a complete and total mess. Food held no taste. Drink held no joy. I basically just smoked cigarettes and played guitar 24/7. I’d eat just enough to get by, but only because I was constantly hounded about no eating.. Christ, I wrote some terrible songs lol. They were horrible. Lol I didn’t know that then, however. But anyway, this went on […]
What’s the stat? 50% of happy blushing couples end up in bitter divorce, right?
So…there’s prospects of a divorce, finally. For my parents. After 15 miserable years. She becomes increasingly self-absorbed, clingy, needy, sensitive. He becomes withdrawn, detached, bitter. He falls in love with another local woman, bubbly, blonde, a book-lover, confident, independent. I half-guessed that my dad was swirling around with someone else. It was inevitable.
It was wrong, yes, but I can’t blame him. My mother isn’t easy to live with. Actually, it’s pure hell. Don’t get me wrong, I do love her – many good traits, etc – but my mom and my dad […]
As a child my father abused me terribly and I never felt warm caring love from my parents. Deep in my heart I know they did in their own ways, they just didn’t know how to show it. My father told me I was ugly and would never make anything of myself. Well I did, I became an alcoholic just like him. I have been married 3 times with 2 kids and now I have 3 grandchildren. I am a generous giver, always doing for others but sometimes I need just a crumb from someone to show me they care. Maybe they don’t. It could […]
I can’t find a way to let go of the darkness, can’t find a way to stop hating, can’t find a way to forget. I can’t let go of the memories that have placed a mark upon my soul.
I’ve decided to accept you the way you are. Things you have lost, things you don’t have. I’ve decided to accept you, and continue to live on.
I can’t find someone to love.
God,
will I be able to get married?
I have believed ever since i survied a suisied attempt at age 15 that i will live 113 years. i am 50, almost 1/2 way there. every day, i choose to live. i also believe that if i meet God,after a natural death, i will ask it if i could please not exsist . i don’t see myself chill’n with God for an infinit amount of time.
being married helps. so does having 5 cats. i had plants, but plants & cats do not mix.
to the owners of this web site, thanks for the safe place to let this out. i feel about 5 lbs. lighter.
I just got married, and I feel so badly for my new husband. I’d love to talk with y’all, but I can’t think of anything else to say.
“If only there was a way I would not see another day. A year has gone without these thoughts in my mind, but now that peace is all behind. Another sleepless night beneath an indifferent sky convinces me that I should die.”
What a pathetic excuse is this gallows poetry. It’s typical of me. A useless narcissistic ploy to call attention to myself by some second grade rhymes.
The truly exceptional people in this world don’t need to call attention to themselves. It’s only an arrogant fool who needs to compensate for his inferiority by saying, “Look at me! Look at me! See how clever I […]
I have had depression as long as I can remember, I am 36 years old and was recently diagnosed with treatments resistant depression. I have always told my husband that it didn’t matter what medication I was on, my depression always comes back. That diagnosis was why and the last thing I needed to hear. I am now even more hopeless that, yet again, new meds seemed to be working but have now stopped.
I am a nurse and I know there are many treatments/meds etc to try but I have tried so much, I see a psychiatrist monthly and a therapist weekly as well as […]
My life seems great looking from the outside in. I have a nice looking family with comfortable living expenses, three cars, and a nice house. But honestly my emotions have taken a toll on my life. Growing up I’ve stolen and lied numerous times and basically I’m just a terrible person. Some may say I deserve it.
Parents divorced, I live with my mom. And since then she’s been meaner and meaner, boyfriend by boyfriend. Now she’s married and doesn’t care for me. Being an asian parent, she’s abused me. Laying a hand on your own child is considered abuse even if it’s just a spank. […]
I’m sure that people have played the game of Life, you know, with the board and the dice and shit. The board with such spaces as “get married,” or “pay day.” They should add a space called “suicide,” and if you land there you should smile and nod and leave gracefully. Sorry, sir. You’ve lost the game. Sorry, I say, try again some other day! Sorry, there is no feasible way out – at least not for awhile. Sorry, you get to sit there and watch the rest of us play. Sorry, you are a loser.
You’ve probably […]
I know it’s crazy, but the planning keeps me going.
While I may have spontaneous impulses to end it, there are matters that only I can tie up. Considering the potential grief I might cause by my passing of “natural causes”, it seems as though I should at least leave things as up to date and sellable as possible.
While considerate timing has been important in the past, in reality, no time is a good time, but it probably would be best if I could make it through the holidays, but I’m not married to it. Late spring would be best, … but why in […]