I thought last night would be the end, but I still find myself here. I’m so tired of feeling this way but I can’t change it. I still love her every second of every day. Without her there is no point to life. It hurts to breathe knowing I will never see her again. At the same time I can’t get over her leaving me and treating me like I’m nonexistant. She erased me like our 5 1/2 years together didn’t even happen. Or mean anything at all. And her kids did the same. Yet despite all that, I still love them and long to […]
Tag:
maybe
“Sometimes I feel like people dont understand me.
But maybe its me who doesn’t understand myself
I struggle day by day,looking for a reason to keep living
By the end of every night, I never find anything
Worthy of a life in this world
So,why am I still alive and havent killed myself yet
The answer is I dont know
My mom, I am sure would be fine if I took my life
She still has my brother, who unlike me is perfect
He isnt a broken down car, waiting for the smallest of things to break down
My brother is smart,good-looking,successful and is very worthy of life
And I have no friends or talents to […]
Everyday it seems like an endless struggle. Every morning seems harder. In all honesty, there are days where I close my eyes and think, well I wish this was it. To just fall asleep and never wake up. This is just a rant to let go of what I feel for now and maybe one day I will truly tell my story but for now this is what I feel & I don’t think I should be feeling it. I feel hopeless and worthless. I feel like I have failed in everything. All the people I trusted with my story have left. How am I […]
This is all I’ve ever known. Music. Music is the only thing that makes me feel anything, better even…..sometimes. Well growing up this way I only know how to deal with my emotions through it. Roger Rabbit by Sleeping With Sirens is my anthem. I think that in my note, if I leave one, this song with be written down for them to listen to. Maybe the lyrics will enlighten them a bit. People make fun of me for being so damn consumed with my music, but I don’t think they fully understand that lonely people do things that look “weird” Lonely depressed people do […]
Do any of you have something or an experience you want? A dream you had once? Small ones or big ones?
I want to see my best friend live a happy life. Maybe have some of my poetry published. Move to NZ and have a child.
If I could.
If you were healthy, what would you do?
I think last year was probably the worst year of my life. Although in retrospect maybe that was a good thing, since it forced me to make some changes in my thinking and perception and personal philosophy that ultimately have led to a much more satisfying and content existence. Sometimes its only when things get to their worst and a situation becomes intolerable that you actually find the motivation to make changes. A couple years ago I came to the realization that I was pretty much bored with everything and that I didn’t really care about anything. I took this boredom and apathy and convinced […]
Evil comes in many forms, in abuse, emotional neglect, psychological torture and many others – all instigated by a minority of individuals – there are some people who are the embodiment of evil because they are the medium in which evil propagates. I have a strong inclination towards physical justice, I would gladly and genuinely inflict pain and suffering on those that have committed evil acts, ironic? I suppose on some levels, but I distinctly think that those that injure the innocent are subhuman and therefore are not allowed the benefits of human morality.
Coming in contact with these individuals breeds such vehement and unrelenting hatred in […]
now I can spend more time thinking about how I’m falling apart without having to go through proxy websites to read the entries here.
That being said. I feel like i’m falling apart. I feel like i should be in the psych ward. I got a cut on my wrist but i don’t know how. I was washing my dishes on Sunday and I noticed it. it’s about an inch long and perfectly straight. I noticed because I’d started bleeding. I started looking at the my knives that i was cleaning to see if i had done it accidentally but i didn’t see blood on any […]
Waves crash down and drowned me sleeping
eyes wide shut, my hearts still beating
sounds that drowned out all the noise
playing with hearts like old worn toys
my fingers twitch in the holes of my jeans
i at one point wanted to dress pristine
i couldn’t get a job that pays the bills
i gamble away money just for some thrills
maybe i could win it back and more
but i leave the table still being poor
life and games there both about chance
you win or you loose its a hellish dance
a symphony comprising of your demons
pain and pain stitched together seamless
i tried to take a train out of town
but i fell a sleep […]
I guess you could call this a suicide note without the suicide. Maybe an explaination of why I’m so unhappy all the time and pray for a knife-wielding to randomly slit my throat so I can escape this hell.
I know, and have known for a long time, that I don’t fit in with this world. I don’t agree with most of what human beings do and I don’t enjoy what normal people do. I hate alcohol and drugs and the effect they have on people but I hate the selfishness of human beings and the pain that this causes.
This world should be a great place […]
hi.. I’m 17.. I won’t say I hate my life, it’s a good life, it’s honestly a gifted one.. But, for some reason.. I just feel so… I don’t know. I know no one really reads this stuff, who would right? Ha, sometimes I just wish people could see me and not stories or rumours.. Maybe than I could be free. But this isn’t about regular drama, it’s about me.. I’ll give this site a few days maybe months.. Who knows, maybe people will like me? Haha.. I dont really know what to talk about.. I know I’m young and should be thankful for my […]
I feel like I’m slowing down. Everything sounds distant or submerged in water. My vision blurs in and out of focus. I have no energy to do anything, not that I want to anyway.
Is this what dying feels like?
I have yet to find someone who tolerates me talking in metaphors, or even enjoys me doing it.
Regardless of all this, I’m still here, so maybe that counts for something.
I spent a large portion of this afternoon running my fingers over the scar on my throat, or staring at it in the mirror. A wound that by every right should have killed me. No one can live […]
So this is my first video so it’s awkward and I apologize; but I decided instead of writing what I’m feeling I’d try doing a video and maybe attempt to let others know….you aren’t alone. Keep surviving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8N9RFAxBc8
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
People I talk to have said tears before God are prayers that God hears and reaches his heart. If that is true then he feels nothing for me. I’m so sick of being a good Christian girl who is forgotten by God. Seems if when he was making all his children I was just the remaining dust on the floor that he swept and threw away.
They said that when I got sober things would get better , that as long as I did the next right thing God will help me. He won’t though. They say that I’m selfish by thinking of suicide and that […]
You will wake up feeling good, maybe not today, or tomorrow or anytime soon. But one day.
Yes, I still think about you every day. Yes, I’m kind of masochistic.
It’s been almost a year from the last mail. Maybe four years from the last time I saw you.
I feel stupid. A little girl who can’t live without daddy. A kid who cries because daddy doesn’t love her.
Even if you caused me so much pain. Even if I remember all that fear I felt when you came home. And all those times you hurt me. Physically and psychologically.
I can’t help it. I still love you. I still wonder what you must be doing, if you’re sad, if you eat ok, […]
i know he was kidding but I thought about it and, would i enjoy it if he choked me? stabbed me? I don’t know. I mean, I do want to die.
i wouldn’t mind if it was you
i hope maybe, in a weird way, i could get you angry enough for you to actually maybe scare me away or get rid of me. I don’t know. I’m weird. I’m sorry Elu, I love you, really. sort of. I’m not worth being friends with you. I’m not worthy of you’re kindness or anything.
Maybe one day I can find the courage to leave you alone.
I’ve never really done this before but, here I go-?
I once had a friend. I called him Smith at times. We’ve been close since we were little. Me and him were inseparable. In late 2010 he found out he had cancer. No one told me until 2013. I pretended to know in front of other friends. He died July 27th 2014. I can’t live with myself. it’s been half a year and I can’t move on. Why? I don’t know. I ask myself this constantly hoping for an answer. Why didn’t I treat him better. Maybe I did? Elias tells me I did. But I […]
I find it odd that I’m unhappy with my life and that I feal useless. I have a place to live, a family l, and a girlfriend that I love. Why do I feal like this? I just doesn’t match up maybe its just the pills talking or the razor….not like I would know. I cant take it much longer…. My girlfriend shes messed up like me she has a special friend made of metal and so do I. We got into this argument yesterday about it I pulled out mine a told her if she continues to call herself things that arnt her ill […]