He’s away right now… So I quickly write my new theory and hopes.. Maybe.. Maybe he’ll get so angry he’ll kill me with his bare hands.. I never thought I’d die by the hands of someone else but myself after the first time but now I’m okay with it all as long as I’m at peace and in a never ending sleep.. Much love
Tag:
maybe
I am not normal… well lets face it is anyone truly “normal”? I’ve always had problems as a child with bullying I never really had any friends as well, no one I could really trust anyhow.. I was always to myself very secluded and alone… Then just as I thought things were looking up for me…. everything fell right back down with no ladder to climb out of.
It was my sophomore year of high school and I finally felt for the first time in a long time I belonged somewhere, I fitted in…
I even met these two girls, and at the time I thought they […]
Sorry I know it’s bad but people asked me to post it so….
I have other poems too if you want to hear them. Thanks for helping me so far.
I’m down under ground
nobody can see
they don’t notice
my true identity
I’ve been buried alive
can’t come up from under
I’m seen as lightning
but really I’m thunder
My rage is trapped
down under with me
and under ground
is where it should be
If I come up
I’ll never be the same
when I’m looked at
you’ll only see pain
I like it down here
it’s calm and quiet
above it’s loud
and a disturbing riot
If I let go
and never come back
maybe I’ll find the identity
I still sadly lack
It would put a stop
to […]
I think I’m poison. I made it through the holidays through sheer will and maybe some kind of grace. But now…it’s a new year and so, yeah…what now, right? I’m just breathing and I even forget to do that sometimes. It’s like I’m waiting on something. Holding my breath. Expectant. And I guess that is kind of hope, right? So there is that. And there is my kid. Who is…well, everything. But then there is all of the other stuff which is big and small and there’s me who messes up and I have honestly begun to think maybe I am poison.
All my life I […]
Hi! My name is Sandra, i’m struggling with depression, anxiety and self harm, and i kind of pushed everybody away when i started feeling bad, so now i don’t really have anyone i can talk to about how i’m feeling, i wouldn’t like anyone to feel alone so i just wanted to say that if any of you want to talk you have me here and maybe we can help each other through this hard time. You can kik me if you want to: worthlessgirl12
Hi there,
I spent the past 3 or 4 months feeling suicidal, I attempted 3 times, the last time being a month ago. I had to have my heart restarted and spent days in the hospital and days after that being seen by specialists. The thing is I was so certain I wanted to die and that if I didn’t succeed somehow I would try it again. I even put in my note that I would try it again and again until I succeeded. But something has changed, I can’t explain it, I don’t have suicidal urges anymore. I don’t even think about suicide… at least […]
Wow,who would have thought that i would survive.I can’t believe im still here.Somehow,time flies and i just got used to the fact that I have to live because my death would only bring problems to others.So i am here,alive some would say.I don’t know how to feel about it,but everyone should try .Maybe in a year or two something changes.Give it a try,give a chance to yourself.And if anyone needs to talk im here,no matter when.
I don’t believe anything you say to me anymore. You lie so much. And I feel like I’m nothing to you. Day by day you push me away more and more and I wanna just disappear. You act like you’re better without me. Maybe you are. Maybe I iust need to leave.
I… What do i want? What exactly is it that would like to do or pursue? I had the full complete chance of running away, but i stayed. I stayed because i knew what i wanted to seek can be sought anywhere and my running away, in that regard, is a hypocritical move. But now that i’ve stayed, even my seeking seems to have stopped. I couldn’t imagine my life without seeking, and now I’m living it. Or am i? I think deep down i still do crave for seeking. How to get fulfillment? What is it that will fulfill me? There must be something, […]
im tempted to take these tablets maybe theyll help the hurt go. maybe if i buy more, space them out over a couple of days make it look like an accident like i didn’t mean to do it. idk.
maybe there is a chance to change to feel better to be happy
but how do i prove to someone that i can ??
how do i prove it to me??
still feeling lost …
Capture that. I’m in english class at the back. Everybody is writing exept me. I’m staring at this blank page since 1 hour. I look at it and read the question that the text is supposed to answer: “what is happiness?” Do anyone really know? I mean i don’t know if i’m happy or anything so what is the real meaning of that word that everybody seem to know but me?
The teacher finally says that the class is over but, when i give back my paper, she stands up and says as loud as she can to all the class “look how idiot you have […]
im just depressed, depressed all the time, i cant feel happy since like 2 years, i forgot what happiness feels like, all i can feel is pain, all the fucking time, and i hate it, i really do, if i die nobody’s gonna hurt me, so i guess, with the new year ill be dead, i need to die, i have to, i dont wanna feel pain, i hate it, i really do! i dont know how i will suicide, maybe i will jump from the roof, maybe ill take pills (even though i tool pills 2 times trying to suicide but obviously that didn’t […]
You just don’t fit? Like everything has just come together wrong and you somehow stopped being right in your own life (if you ever even were) and there’s just no place for you? Like maybe you just came off the assembly line broken? I’m feeling that way tonight (or actually this morning because I’ve spent five hours sitting here contemplating this). Wrong choices, wrong people, wrong planet maybe. I feel like I just don’t fit anywhere, like I never have been “right”, something was wrong from the get-go. It’s been a long time since I have been this low, since I have sat back and […]
You know how this site was created so suicidal people can come together and help each other? Yeah, it’s not having that effect on me. It’s actually kinda making it worse. Maybe it’s just me. I don’t know. On a side note, how the hell do you delete your account??
I don’t even know anymore.I got completely hammered in hopes of…i don’t know,maybe getting my mind off of things.Not surprisingly,it feels even worse than when i’m sober.All the time it’s the same,just with varying degrees of shittiness. When you’re drunk,suffering and depression feels even more tangible than it’s usual abstract,existential nature.It’s inescapable.Thank you for existing SP.
As a child my father abused me terribly and I never felt warm caring love from my parents. Deep in my heart I know they did in their own ways, they just didn’t know how to show it. My father told me I was ugly and would never make anything of myself. Well I did, I became an alcoholic just like him. I have been married 3 times with 2 kids and now I have 3 grandchildren. I am a generous giver, always doing for others but sometimes I need just a crumb from someone to show me they care. Maybe they don’t. It could […]
I don’t wanna lose it again. The last weeks and months were better, but now I know I’m heading right towards the abyss and can’t seem to change the direction, no matter how much I would like to. I do stuff even though I know it’s detrimental. Like even at this moment I’m listening to music of which I know it triggers my depression. Maybe it has to do with the days getting shorter and the weather getting colder. Or maybe it’s the stress, but that’s usually worse when I have to write exams. Best I can do now is survive another 1 1/2 weeks […]
I’m trying to organize things before I committ suicide. (I was thinking of saying, “do it” or “take the big sleep” or something, but there’s no point in talking around it- my plan is to commit suicide, plain and simple). This will probably be part 1, since I’m sure I’ll think of other things to do.
1. Most important and I know the hardest. Write my son a letter and tell him how very very proud I am of him. Honestly, I’m crying now just thinking about it. He’s 18 now, a man, and a fine one- so at least that’s one thing I did […]
Over a year ago i lost you…
I loved you more than anything and you left me. You killed yourself and you wrote on this site before you did it so now i am.
I cant take being without you anymore. Ive missed you for so long. I thought maybe with time itd get better but its been so long. I just want to be with you. I am so lonely without you. Your family still blames me. It makes me feel so horrible inside. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe i did something. Even though you said it wasnt anyones fault it was a pproblem with […]