I need to get out of here. Can I come over, hang out, be friends, maybe share rent, and never come back again? Somewhere in the western half of the U.S maybe. Please let me know.
Tag:
maybe
Life is messed up that has been pretty obvious to me, yet I still find myself hurt about it. I don’t know why I hope why I even care? I’m slowly shutting down, I care less and less about any and everything.This year has been the worst of my life thus far, I’ve lost so much and there is this aching pain inside. I lost family and friends and a significant other all in a matter of months back to back. There is literally nothing left in me not a damn thing I wouldn’t care if my own family died if what little friends I […]
Is love possible between two people who suffer from depression and have had a suicidal past? Can those two people function normally and healthily in a relationship? I wonder.
I think I subconsciously seek out guys who fit into this insane mold that I have constructed unknowingly my entire adult life. I think I look for people who are as insane as I am before I continue further on in a relationship. Is that in and of itself insane? Maybe it’s because I feel that is the only way I’ll be accepted? Because I can’t fathom anyone loving me the way I am. It’s pathetic to […]
At this point I honestly don’t know what to do.. Stuck on stupid over this boy that doesn’t care one bit about me & pretty much used me for sex.. maybe if I’m gone he’ll realize I actually ment something to him.. I just wish he cared like he used to……… ):
I’m just thinking and looking for other thoughts on something. The “something” is a quote: “Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.” What comes to mind when I read this and mulled it over a bit … typical nonsense Hallmark-esque crap. Maybe it’s just me, though, which is why I hope to hear some different perspectives. It seems childish to “put up walls” just for the sake of finding out who gives a shit, much like “playing hard to get” in dealing with a potential romantic interest. If I’m putting up walls, […]
Now at 23, this summer will mark a full decade of long standing depression, at least from the clinical diagnosis. I can’t remember my emotions any younger than that, since my upbringing was filled with abuse and solitude. I find myself wondering, is this it? Year after year I find myself surprised at how time passes and the fact that I’ve managed to unhappily  live through another year. And it scares me. Will I just be floating on through life like this until I’m forty, fifty, sixty?
Though I’ve only been in treatment (meds, psychologists, hospitals) Â for five years, I don’t know what more I can […]
Why is that stabbing myself seems like a beautiful way out of my misery?
More beautiful than friends, more beautiful than family.
The knife is right there, on the kitchen table, next to my cup of tea.
Tea. Or knife?
A simple stab is all it would take. Maybe two for good measure.
But for now I pick up the tea. I’m too cowardly to do otherwise.
All of this stuff that they say I have to look forward to, this amazing life that they say I’ll have. But the way I feel will never change. It’s bullshit, I’ll always be fat and vile. No one will want me. I’ll never be happy and smiling at festivals surrounded by people who want the best for me. I’ll always be in my room depressed and waiting for it all to change – to end. Curtains closed, hidden under the covers. It’s never going to happen. So what is the point. For someone who craves death so much yes I’ll admit I am scared. […]
I’m so tired, and just kind of want to die. I just feel so sad. I was thinking about just popping about 100 ibuprofen, and then maybe slitting my wrists over and over and over again. Maybe I will? Maybe I won’t?
I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do anymore.
I don’t want my girlfriend to be my girlfriend anymore.
I don’t want my friends to be my friends anymore.
I do NOT want my parents to be my parents anymore.
They accuse me of self harming, although all I have is scars.
They tell me they want me to, go to some […]
Or God, maybe you’re the same thing…
Anyway,
Why do you do this to me? The lonely nights where you wish someone was there just to sit next to you and chat in the late hours of the night about nothing in particular. Just to get your mind off of what you want most – eternal sleep.
I have so much love to give and lately it’s been given in the wrong places. Maybe I’ve just come to accept it. That it’s going to be a part of my twisted life. But there’s something about this…like perhaps we were meant to be one day. I don’t know. I […]
i am so tired of having to fake a smile so that other people can accept me, i am so tired of having to pretend that i am tired instead of telling people the truth that i cant handle my life. i am “happier when am sleeping than when i am awake. my dreams keep me going knowing that one day i will jump off from that building. i am tired of getting rejected because i love too easily, now i am afraid to say i love in fear that i will lose someone, i only have one close friend and now like always i […]
… registered here. So far hasn’t been so bad other than that cluster fuck that caused me to register in the first place. See, we can all be kind to each other when we want to. Maybe, maybe it’s just my inability to get pissed off anymore that I wonder why others get so mad over silly things so easily. But I do appreciate the hospitality you all have shown me since I announced my pressence here on SP. Good Vibrations to you all, and may you be able to wade through the shit in your lives and travel the extreme dissonance you need to trek through to have a better life. […]
my brother… he needs help. He attacked me and i accidentally cut him with a plate that i was holding in my hand. im scared and shaking and really hurt how he could do that to me. now he is justifying himself to my mom. “defending himself”… thats not how it happened he knows that or maybe he really is crazy. i need to leave this house for a breather
but i guess it makes my problems less important
every few days i find the idea of a drug addict life more and more attractive
maybe the short lived thrill seems better than no thrill at all
i want to be in partial control. experience “happiness” and do it over again
then when i get tired of it, do my big finale
sounds stupid but thats what i want. i gave up on wanting the better things. odds are slim and get slimmer every day
i cant explain it. i dont want anything. i want to die
It just won’t. A devoted partner, a caring parent, a sympathetic friend or hell even the purest love of all, the love of a dog, won’t save you.
Suicide, or at least the suicide I know, is like drowning in the ocean. Love is like someone on the shore praying for you. It may give you a moment’s satisfaction to know that someone is worrying about you, but in the end the only thing that can save you is if something physically drags you out of the ocean.
Love doesn’t do that. Love can soothe you, distract you, make you feel like you have a purpose, maybe […]
Hello everyone I know you are all battling your own wars..here nobody aint got time for me to listen to me or counsel me for my suicidal thoughts are just increasing manifolds……i seriously aint in the humour to write I am 18,India and right now I’m high and i got the rope ready I just wanted everyone to know that yes i was defeated everywhere its not because of u krati u were my first love and i want to die with her being my last its all coz of me myself i cant survive i aint strong enough i am not the one maybe […]
I guess, since this is my first post on here, I should tell you all my story.
at age 9 I was oblivious. I was overweight, friendless, but still happy.
at age 10 I started to worry. I was fat as hell, still friendless, but just slightly less than happy.
at age 11 I knew I was a goner. still fat and friendless and I didn’t know what to do about it. I wasn’t happy anymore.
at age 12 I had my first ED thought. I had one friend, and she was my goal. 80 pounds and beautiful. I thought that maybe, just maybe, by losing weight my everlasting […]
We have ‘friends’ but we’re all alone. Look next to you. What is there? An animal? A stuffed toy? A jornal? A living being? No. Log into your ‘Facebook’ or another social media. You have friends, followers, and others. They say “We’ll catch you if you fall!” but will they? Are they real? We are all alone. Just accept it. We have friends they are not real. They only use you. If you have a true friend make them prove it. Make them prove that it’s not just you. Say your having a bad day. All of the pressure of you wanting to end your […]
Drinking an crying drinking and crying. filling up the empty bottle with tears so i can just pour it all over my psychiatrists nice rug tomorrow and say “Thats how i feel” but he wouldn’t get it.
You know the worst and maybe greatest feeling i’ve discovered in this amazing life, is the feeling you get when you realise you gotta take control of your own death. That strong burning sensation you get on the wrist’s that trickling blood feeling behind the eyes, so much passion and euphoria. which sadly is designed to be short lived, for reasons we all know.
Sorry I’m in a mood. 70% […]
Im just tired of everything everyone hates me except 2-3 people my family hate me my mom always calls me names and my brother and sister told that next time i try to kill myself i shouldnt tell anyone so i actually die and maybe theyre right i think about it a lot and i realise everyone in my life would be better without me im just a weordo who cant even talk to people i cant even talker to my counsilors and psychiatrists maybe its my time to go and finally give them what they want besides my life has been hell so far […]