deep inside im sad, its true that a person who laughs the most are the saddest. Crazy isn’t it?Haha is this one way of god’s keeping the balance in us humans so that we can survive our every day life of chaos and sadness? he’ll make us laugh at small things even if its not that funny.. i hate it when i laughed at small things, it makes me feel like im stupid but i can’t help it thats how my mind and body reacts to help me survive and live through the day 🙁 Crazy world!
I cant stop crying. Why has everything changed!
I’m back to this rotting heap that is my mind and body.
I wish my body were rotting, maybe then it wouldnt be so fat and gross.
New relationship? Â How can I have a good relationship with someone if I cant have one with myself.
I hate everything about this me.
I cant take a deep breath without tearing up,
I cant shower without a razor to my skin,
I cant sleep without dreaming of darkness and I cant smile without a stabbing pain within.
When did my life end and this nightmare begin?!
My name is John and I and 19. I have no real friends to speak of, I’ve lost interesting in the only thing that has been really keeping me going and I’ve been wishing the past few years for something to happen that would get me killed. I can’t commit suicide because my mind and body physically won’t allow me to do so. I don’t know when exactly I started feeling the way i did, but the feeling has only grown stronger over the years especially in the last few months.
I have no job, no drivers license because i can’t afford the insurance, no friends […]
Depression hits us all, I think. There’s not a single person I have spoken to that hasn’t felt it’s clammy hands around their soul. It seems to be caused by many things, from big life changing events, to small things that just build up and knock a person off their feet eventually. Â I’ve had it time and and time again, but usually managing to shake it off like a wet dog. Â This time however, it’s crippled me.
I’ve seen death burn through a families hope, I’ve felt that pain. I got through it.
I’ve felt the devastation of a loved one no longer loving you. I got through […]
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Eleanor_Roosevelt
The Rock pushes me to keep driving my body forward; Roosevelt settles my mind when it all starts feeling too fruitless/nihilistic.
In my mind, I’ve separated death and dying. Death is the one thing I look forward to, when I can just finally stop, cease to exist, back to 0; the weight of this flesh body finally lifted as my consciousness disperses into the cosmos. I don’t think that people are anything more than walking flashlights and I really can’t wait for my batteries to run out. No more guilt, no more expectations, no more desires; just nothing. […]
I _______ __________ , being of sound mind and body. Make my last request. In the event I suffer from any of the following and cannot verbally relay my last wishes.
If I have a stroke, heart attack, comatose, brain dead in any form yet still display vital signs.
I do not wish to be kept alive on any form of life support. I wish to pass on. My prolonged life will not be beneficial to me or any poor soul that may survive me. I cannot afford to be artificially kept alive. God will understand.
I have done the best I can all the time regardless of […]
I tried a new approach to deal with my depression; acknowledging it as a sickness of the mind and body but not anything to do with me personally. I take full responsibility for my past and every action I’ve taken up to this point in life, but the issues slowing me down aren’t my own.
All throughout my life, I’ve been shown the way I should be by the people around me. What I should be doing, the type of things I should study, the work I should go out for, partying and living it up etc etc; so I’ve been conditioned to hate myself […]
May 31, 2012
9:30 p.m
I feel nothing. I feel useless, dull, and dead. I want to die. I’ve thought of dying. I need help. I NEED HELP! I have so much work to do I feel like I’m drowning, I feel empty. I feel like I have no emotions, I feel lifeless, that my life has no meaning. Nobody understands, at least I don’t think so. They all say it will get better or to suck it up. I can’t suck it up; my body and mind are betraying me! I know intellectually that I need to do things but then my mind […]
Born missing something in your brain. That piece that makes many crave attention and affection. When these things are offered you cringe in confusion. Knowing that others readily accept them but they seem rather uncomfortable. And you force yourself to act like you enjoy them because it makes others smile. One thing does touch you. The ones who are outsiders-ostracized-cast out-victims-pariahs. Their plight awakens an inner affinity.
Then there is the violation. Inall your collected data this only happens between adults. Between husband and wife. Between girlfriend and boyfriend. Not between adult and child. Not between two males. Deep down you know that this is monumentally worse […]
i feel him crawling inside, crawling inside my mind and body
what is he trying to find, i feel so ugly
screaming inside no words leave my lips
no! no never! my body he grips
it doesn’t count if you don’t say it
im crying now, it hurts
i want to tell him “go eat shit”
but my mouth still speaks no words
he keeps trying to give me something,
but its something i dont want
he says that it dont mean a thing
and makes me taste my ****.
oh Jesus, God where is it now? wheres the blessed light?
im sure that i could maybe,so why dont i put up a fight?
so high, so drunk, so […]
I wish that I didn’t have hands and arms, so I wouldn’t pretend that they were yours when I hold myself for comfort.
I have no need for hands or arms , because I will never be able to hold you in mine.
I wish that I didn’t have feet or legs, so that I wouldn’t long to walk beside you for all of my days.
A path where that is possible doesn’t exist. Instead I shall walk alone forever and grow tired and weary with no use for these limbs of mine without you.
I wish that I didn’t have a spine, so that I wouldn’t […]