I really am stupid arnt I? After everything you’ve said and done… I’M still here praying you’ll see me… my heart filled with false hope as I stay up all night waiting for a single word from you. Only to be heart broken every night. You left me and ended our friendship because of something I didn’t even do. Just an excuse they say. It’s just a reason for you to walk away. I truly an stupid because Im still here waiting… praying that it’s not over… that you’ll keep your promises and what you’d said weren’t lies. But the longer time passes the thinner […]
I’m so sorry mom, I betrayed you numerous times. But this time, I am deeply sorry. Besides all the medicine, I really don’t know why I’m so fucked up .. I lied about that vape pen . It is mine . I lied about the wine. I did drink it all . Do I regret it ? YES . Would I take it all back ? YES . Sometimes I think of why I’m still living . You yell at me and tell me to pack my things and move to my dads . Well you know I wont . You know I hate my […]
I have many things I’m supposed to be thankful for. A full time job. A roof over my head. I don’t go hungry. A reliable, fuel efficient, comfortable car. Why should I hate my life? I don’t know, but I do. I hate that every plea for company to distract my mind from the negativity that I can’t stop, goes unanswered. I hate that when I vent in the only place I can think of where people I know (facebook) I just get kind words from people who will never actually do anything to help, or I get anger-filled responses that blame me for not […]
Listen. Your life may be bad and you may feel like your drowning in a pit of constant fear and hate and you’re struggling to reach the surface once again but honestly, you’re perfect. If you’re a size Plus or an extra small, small chested or big chested, blonde or brunette, blind or deaf; you’re beauty is a unique creation and there’s not another one like it. So try not to tear it open, even if it’s hard to live in. If you die, yes you’re out of your misery but even those who keep silent about you will blame themselves and create a chain reaction. It […]
I don’t want to live anymore. I’m no poet, no profound words, no beautiful prose. I just want to move on to whatever is next. I had a friend who killed herself. It was such a shock: she was so perfectly beautiful that men literally collided with each other when they saw her.
But now I see her as so brave and I am deeply ashamed that I can’t even get up enough courage to stop being a burden to everyone around me. I am already a ghost in my own life, a literal cliched shadow of my former self. When my boyfriend looks at me,he […]
Hello, I am death. Aren’t I beautiful? I will cure all your problems in one quick move.
All you need to do is look and see. I am dazzling. Nothing compares to me. Have you tried talking to family, friends? Have you tried medication? Therapists? Have you tried getting your life in order? Have you done all you can but all still fails and you are left with grave regrets. Does your past haunt you? Is it impossible to move on? Is there no hope for the future?
When life is endless pain, and it seems there is no […]
Its this self hatred and not being able to move on that is killing me. I seriously need to learn how to forget about things and just move on.
A whole damn year has passed and to be honest I’m glad that it is finally about to be over! My 2013 leaked into my 2014 and to be completely honest 2014 was so very unkind to me truly it just screwed me over and over. Today is the day I say good bye to 2014 and leave all the horrible things that happened in the past. I want none of 2014 to even taint my 2015, because this truly will be a new start for me. I will be starting a year without the negative people and the negativity period, this year I will […]
Change is the one thing constant.
Do not depend on humans. Do not trust humans. We are all capable of manipulation of words. Nope nope.
Steel your heart. Steel your soul. Let no one come near. You’re on your own kid.
Build up walls, like others have. Be independent. No one is as foolish as you. It’s a eat-or-be-eaten world. No one will trust you the way you blindly do.
Curl up and put your defenses well. Grow up and protect yourself. Stop allowing others, be it friends or family, to hurt you like that.
Protect. Hide. Move on.
You have chosen selectively. Cause everything in life is by your own […]
I had a hysterectomy at 23. I want a child more than anything. I have paid THOUSANDS of dollars to find a “birthmother” who will place her child with us. We haven’t been chosen.
My husband can’t stand to see me hurt. We are moving in 6 months and will have to give up our home study. He won’t go through it again. Which means this is the end. I don’t get another chance.
Ten years ago I paid $10,000.00 to be a part of an agency. We were matched with a baby girl then we got transferred. I couldn’t stand to move on. I just […]
I hate who I was and I don’t like who I am. Its hard to move on when your past is always looking at you. I can forgive myself, but I can’t forget the things I had to go through and had to subject others to go through. I was an ass and I admit it. I’m immature and scared to live my life. I joke when it is unnecessary and hide away from my life.
I say the wrong things a lot and just don’t understand people. I have no friends and am literally in the definition of a loner. I cannot connect with people my […]
Life sucks. It’s pretty simple. When you are born…your mother shits and pisses herself (at least most women do). So you’re born into shit and piss. When you die…you defecate yourself. Your life begins and ends in shit. And do you know what is all through your life? Shit. We do our best to get through it. But it’s all shit. People are fake liars. And even the best of us (humans/mankind) are pretty fucking terrible. Nothing good ever lasts. The pain and loneliness of life just builds and mounts. We sleep, eat, work, pay bills, go through heartache, headaches, financial problems, have families that […]
People have killed themselves over more and over less. If truth be told, this is not the first, second, or third attempt. It is not even the first attempt this month.
I just want to say that I’m overall pretty disappointed in mankind. We’re selfish, rude, vindictive, spiteful, and no matter how much “word of god” is preached, the more religious are usually the most corrupt.
I ended my life with trust in one person. He told me that if I killed myself, I would go to hell. I think he just told me that to scare me. I hope that he just told me that to […]
Life is just not what everyone else makes it out to be. I can have a nice home, a decent job and people around me…. But I am never happy or satisfied. Meds bring 2 or 3 short months of false contentedness. Then its gone.
Maybe I should explain my whole story:
I was born to pretty young parents, had 2 younger brothers. My home always seemed tense, and that lead to a divorce when I was 6. We went to live wih my mom; she soon found a new boyfriend who was an abusive, angry person. He drank, would explode in rage and beat up […]
My mentor told me something a few days ago, that stuck with me. She said: “You really want to leave your family with that kind of pain?” Hmm, no. But I’m tired of ME being in pain. I’m tired of waking up everyday, and hating that I have woken up. Im tired of faking a smile and making people think I’m ok. I’m tired of never being good enough for anyone. I’m tired of hurting people. Yes I know that if I kill myself that people will be sad and hurt. But they will get over it. Its not like Im something valuable to this […]
The only thing that is keeping me from leaving this world is my children. Even then, I can’t handle being a mom. I am so selfish for thinking such things. I see how people move on with their lives. They would be alright. They have more of a chance of making a better life for themselves than I do. And I can’t be a mother to them. It’s impossible for me to handle any kind of responsibility. My son is more responsible than I am. Get your shit together, your life will work out my friend says. I lack guidance and I’m constantly having to […]
Finally decided to take action and source ******** only to find a whole group of us in search of the same thing and wanting to move on from this life. As I read I think, “you’ve got heaps to live for” so what if you have a colostomy bag, so what if you just broke up with your significant other. You’ll get through this. But I need the ******** a lot more than you..
So in my last post, I wrote about Alex… I need to get the Hell over him but… I don’t want to. I imagine us together all the time… It’s driving me insane! I only knew him for six days, and we’ve been out of touch for a month! I miss him, though… It’s my fault we can’t talk… What if he hates me now? What if he forgot about me an met someone else? We met in a hospital, and now he’s gone to a 45 day program… What if the girl he meets actually takes risks for him? I tried to, I really […]
Hi. I’ve never done anything like this before. I never really like talking to people about my suicidal tendencies, mostly because the people I need to share this with and want help from, are the people that don’t want to hear anything about this.
I don’t see a max on the amount of characters permitted, so I guess I’m going to tell you my whole story..
I was born on the 15th of April, 1994, in Milan, Italy–I am 100% Italian, with both parents being Italian. Apparently, according to my mother, I wasn’t planned.. you see, the thing with my mother is that she likes to blame […]