Just went on my last holidays, it’s pretty neat here. Two days ago I visited the bridge. The water is almost 4 meters deep and there are strong currents. The currents are something I’d like to have. The stronger, the better. They are so strong they are visible on the surface. The bridge is in the close proximity of something I don’t know how to call in English, but the idea is that this is kind of thing which people use to make water deep or shallow. It’s a barrier for water. The currents are so strong here. I think it will help me drown […]
Tag:
Mud
My name is Sarah and I am 19 years old. Since the day I formed human attraction I knew I was in a world of trouble. When I was nine years old I developed my first crush on a girl, knowing it was not socially acceptable I ignored it. I had always been a more masculine kid, preferred riding dirt bikes and rolling in the mud over pretty pink dresses. Although my family had always supported me as an individual they still leaned towards the norm. I was still forced into those pretty pink dresses as a kid. In my early teens I hit a […]
From a time before I could remember, I’ve been tormented. At home, my father would abuse me -not physically, but emotionally and verbally. But that hurt more than the real abuse my step-mother would give me on a near-daily basis. I was moved from the front of the front of my family’s love, to the basement of our new house, while my stepsister got a real bedroom, with a heater, with a real floor, a real bed, and a window.
Every day I woke up to objects being thrown at me because my new sister didn’t want to touch me -afraid she would catch what I […]
Nothing ever gets better no matter where I go. I try to make a good life for me and everyone just wants to abuse me. Whether its mentally or physically. I never to do anything to anyone and I just get shit on. I’m ready for it to be over. I want to die and never look back. I don’t care if I hurt people after I’m gone because I won’t see them hurt and I can’t get hurt either. I really try my best and I get pushed in the mud and rocks. When will it end and I can live happily. I just […]
The monster, the mask, and the person under the wet and dirty mud…Which one do I feel I want to get rid of? Well that would be the mask, because it is so…boring, painful, dull, and sad to put on everyday. But…what if I need it again? I am sick of feeling like I can’t even get a chance to breathe. But the mask, I may need it again.
My world is sinking in
Ankle-deep
And skin, too thin.
Trapped in solitude,
Surrounded by multitudes,
Misunderstood
Left unprotected,
Left too corrected.
Caught in a dream world,
Not here, not there.
Nowhere.
Bullet in my head,
Swinging from a tree,
Buried six feet under,
Why won’t she die?
Â
Ripped and broken,
Torn a sunder,
With a heart like hers,
It’s a wonder.
Let her wander,
In the desert,
Through the mud,
There is no water,
Only sun..
Breaking chains,
Breaking free,
Still feel bound,
To every day.
Breaking hearts,
Broken mind,
Breaking promises,
Need to unwind.
Breaking faces with fists of iron,
And suffering the consequences
From whence they burn.
Time to sleep,
Time to die,
It’s better than this,
Unable to cry.
Foundering in my thoughts,
Left to think,
It’s a crime,
To plot to murder yourself
For less than the dime
You found in your wallet,
Hidden in […]
I was looking through my deviantart today and saw some old poetry I had worked on up to three years ago and realised that so much has changed, but at the same time, nothing had. I decided to put it here because I’d like to have it in one spot to look back on and remember how far I have come and it just feels right (probably sounds weird). They are in alphabetical order, not chronological and not all of them are suicidal as such (most were written before I realised what it was like to be suicidal), but they all are from the heart […]
Hopelessness…black like filthy oil rains from darkened skies and gray clouds. My chin pressed to my scarred chest as my hair, dirty blonde acid conceals a marred face. I’ve done my best. A 3 year battle. The mud beneath my feet still warm with fresh blood. Rusted chains bound bloodied hands behind my lashed back and I feel my wrists bleeding. Four heavy steps more and the heat burns more than my skin. I will not look at those ebony gates because I know..the same gates that have claimed my soul since the beginning of the battle. So thirsty, are the gates of Hades. Rising into the sky […]
the silent poet writes with an interesting hue
his heart battered by emotions his heart black and blue
this ink is to show just how much you mean to me but one day you will see
From pin pricks to knife slitts
alone in the dark he sits
a dark moment yet a bright bliss
the ink foul and as thick as mud
het
i used to be afraid of the dark
Didn’t we all?
Until I grew up and grew smart
Did I realize how small
My fear really is
Because now darkness is my mistress
And I her faithful servant
I can’t explain why I choose
To live life in shadow
In hate
In the dark
Maybe I’m just so used to it
That I don’t know where else to start
my day then without a ray
Of light
Of hope
Of joy
People say it’s not healthy to live this way
To love nothing but ones one own blood
But today I will stay and let that […]
~as always no grammar. deal with it.~
Yesterday
i told the two people who i still consider my friends that we were not going to school that afternoon, we were skipping. as usual. we left at lunch and went to the supermarket near our highschool and i bought them some lunch.
i dont eat anymore- i am more skinny than the supermodels our society for some reason looks up to. i dont grow anymore either. i am fifteen but i am about as tall as an eleven or twelve year old. yesterday i ate no breakfast or lunch, and a few mouth-fulls of pasta. this wouldn’t hurt me […]
Does such a thing exist?
I heave a sigh, looking out of the panes of my window. It’s raining today. It doesn’t usually rain here in Southern California but I like the change of pace. It reminds me of the song “I’m only happy when it rains….”
Each drop tears down my cheek. Why do I bother. Why do I create this sense of hope? Why does it tag me along so painfully. I’m just going to be thrown in the mud again.
I hate the word why. I say it too frequently. I never get an answer.
I see her. In my mind, its sunny, ooh and its […]