I quit my job and moved across the country so that I could afford living without a job while I apply to grad programs. At the same time as studying for the GRE, I got engaged to be married. You’d think it would be a really exciting time in my life, but the same two months I was going to use for improving my GRE score ended up being dedicated to wedding planning. Wedding planning was a nightmare, I felt extremely depressed, and then I would beat myself up for feeling depressed during a time I was supposed to be happy. Oh yeah, I forgot […]
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my life
This is a request for advice from those who have had a family member commit suicide. I am attempting to finalize my funeral arrangements so that I can prepay for the services. I have already purchased a burial lot in the small town where my father is buried, about 2 hours from my home town. That town is about 4 1/2 hrs away from where all my in-laws live. I have some distant family members who reside near where I will be buried. I have little contact with my family members in my hometown, and no friends who will miss me. I will soon have […]
You ever get tired of listening to advice that leaves you stranded on your own, doing battle against the pain in the darkness? Advice like “you gotta do it for yourself and not anyone else”
“no pain, no gain”
Even phrases like “have faith” can be conflicting, lonely and long if you are truly left on your own. Depending who you are of course.
People have been shoving that shit down my throat my whole life. “Don’t do it for anyone but yourself”
“You gotta live for you”
I don’t need to explain to some of you out there, that sometimes doing it on […]
My name is Zach, I’m 15 years old, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to kill myself, because I lost count. I know that what I’ve been through is nothing compared to what others have been through, but I feel that doesn’t make it any less valid or painful. My parents got separated Christmas of 2010. Before you explode with the injustice of that date, don’t worry, I’m not Christian, so it wasn’t THAT bad. However, it was the first time something actually went wrong for me. A year passed, and I didn’t really get over it. I started thinking about […]
i had a stereotypical evil stepmom that hated me undercover for decades.
she did all the evil shit evil step-parents did
emasculated me constantly
framed me for destruction around the house (in addition to the regular mess a child makes)
did interesting food experiments on me (any one with cooking roots to a specific culture knows what im talking about)
and generally made me regret any supposed favor she would do for me
…
i thought when i finally started to hate her, that she would stop
she would regret making the child she raised hate her
but what i didnt know was that
she hated me first
she hated me for longer
she hated me more […]
Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh i’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl i am, it isn’t me …
Nobody has a clue. I smile, i laugh, i put on such a huge front but inside i’m empty. I’m struggling to survive. Not only emotionally but physically too. I can’t even afford to buy food. Most days i go home and sit and watch tv and don’t eat. I eat once a day. I’m slowly fading away and people say “you’ve lost weight, you looking so good” but actually it’s not by choice. Tomorrow is my […]
i’ve done amazing things in my life, had some incredible experiences. most of my life was as a professional creative… now.. 17 days left. I tried once in ’97 didn’t expect to wake up…
i won’t make that mistake again… i hope.
so much anguish..i gave it a year then another year and another now i have lost every thing.. or about to. betrayed and lied to. a job so miserable i almost pull my hair out to survive a bad call.. i used to earn $72 an hour and that was low for what i did .. and now . its humiliation and abuse i abide […]
I want to find the way so I could talk to him, and tell him that
here everything’s worst. That my will is dead, that I would like
to have a change to hug him, I want everything to be as it was,
my life is so grey that the pain will never go away.
I want to remember, that it’s better not to believe in love.
I should hate him for leaving me here, I’m just a nostalgic
lovesick person, that hates feeling like this.
i wish everyone could see it that way…my body, my choice. if you were trapped in a hellish world wouldnt you want out?? why do i have to suffer so you dont have to? i hate myself, i hate everything about me. i am sick. i have legitimate diagnosis. why must i have to deal with them for the rest of my life?
yes there are ups and downs, but my downs are so bad and last so long the ups arent worth the pain of the downs. its my body, my choice. i should choose if i want to live or die. my life will […]
I am used to winning. I am used to getting what I want through hard work and determination.
However, my life is a failure.
I’m pretty sure that I will never work my dream job. My grades from 4 years ago are so shitty that I will never be able to get over them.
Every friend I have every made has moved on with thier life.
i still live with my parents.
There is no happiness in my life. All i want to do is be able to work hard so that I can achieve my dreams. But it seems like that is impossible now.
Should I end it. Or should […]
Where do i start eh?
I am 48 yrs old, married to my gorgeous wife Victoria. we got married in 2006, we’ve had our ups and downs liek all couples do and we have come through it because i thought we were strong.
I had major back surgery in 2011 that failed now i have disc degenerative disease throughout my spine and survive my days on large amounts of morphine just to get me walking.
My Mother passed away in Nov 2012 and i felt a part of me died too, my Father died in 2007 the day before my Birthday and that is crippling me big time. […]
Maybe one day I’ll find people in my life who will stay… promises that are constantly made to me by people i get close to are always broken no matter how much they swear up and down saying that they will always be there for me. Maybe in another life that’ll be true…
I found this site while searching for ways to make suicide appear to be accidental. At first I thought it was a place for methods, but after reading other people’s stories, I figured it couldn’t really hurt to share my situation, just to see if getting it out there will help me out any.
I married the love of my life a little under two weeks ago. We’ve lived together for almost two years now, so he knows how bad my depression gets. I feel terrible because I’m always hurting him. He can tell when I’m sad, and he doesn’t understand why I won’t tell him […]
Hey guys,
Basically, my life has been a life of lies. I’ve lied to almost everyone i’ve met. I’ve dissapointed my parents, my school life, and myself. And im getting kicked out tonight. Any advice on how to live? I’m 16, so many opportunities are already out the window. Please help, and thank you.
BTW: I have no money, no car (am using a bike), and I have a netbook (really shitty)that I’m trying to find an online school with.
Taking fate into ones own hands is either within the concepts of courage or fear. I feel courageous at this moment of my life, unafraid of the possible judgement that lay before me. Perhaps it’s because I’m oblivious to the actual torture and loss of mercy awaiting on the other side. I never intended for my life to unravel in the way it has. So much has transpired throughout the course of the years whilst being diagnosed and at a time when I’ve found true happiness, the true symptoms arise. They have all said to be strong and to keep on fighting and although my […]
Tired of disintegrating under the weight of my own fear of disintegration. Tired of watching everything I suffered so hard to build, crumble away, to slide back into the trauma I desperately want to distance myself from. Tired of the fear of disintegration, only to have it happen in actuality, and have all of my worst fears come true, for the x-teenth time: To relieve my worst experiences, those that caused me to be like this, over and over and over, in the context of current work relationships as I try to make my money and pay my rent, barely scraping by, wondering what I’m […]
Greetings, people.
Here I am again. After months of inactivity and facing the world I’ve found that I’ve wound up on this site again. I thought that I might have been able to focus on work and get my head off from my own negativity. But it never works. Time and time again I find myself coming back to the same conclusion – I have nothing to live for. Others might have people who love them, or a lifelong passion, or an unfulfilled wish. It might just be true that I have given up on life itself, and my contemplating of it only furthers my sorrow. […]
The air was so cold on that dreadful October night,
As I shivered in my thin blankets three,
I sat waiting for a call that would never come,
From someone who said they cared about me.
As the hours ticked on I worried that they were hurt,
It is a possibility you know,
But as I sat there a horrid thought crossed my mind,
As horrible as any I know,
This person never did know how to be late,
Not even for school or for work,
So how could someone I loved so very very much,
Turn out to be such a damn jerk,
Then my thoughts took […]
Hey guys, I’m 16 years old. and I am just trying to leave this house. I’m a disappointment to not only my parents, but my school, my sisters, and my life as well. I just wanted to know, how the hell am I supposed to get by. I’ve been kicked out of my house before, however the most I’ve spent is about 2 weeks outside before they allowed me back in. I just can’t stay here anymore. It not only will hurt them, but it’s eating me inside too. I can’t seem to see a future for myself. I’m flunking out of high school, I’m […]
Fuck. That practically sums up my past 7 years. I’m 16 years old and a junior in high school and I have given up. I’ve always wanted to go out, explore the world. But, there are certain things stopping me. I’m a pathological liar, and I have ruined every opportunity to make peace with my parents. I’m failing (all) my classes, I don’t have any type of extraordinary features, and I don’t believe I am worth saving. I have constantly wanted to commit suicide, but I never had the balls to do it. The couple times I did, I failed horribly. I don’t know if […]