You ever get tired of listening to advice that leaves you stranded on your own, doing battle against the pain in the darkness? Advice like “you gotta do it for yourself and not anyone else”
“no pain, no gain”
Even phrases like “have faith” can be conflicting, lonely and long if you are truly left on your own. Depending who you are of course.
People have been shoving that shit down my throat my whole life. “Don’t do it for anyone but yourself”
“You gotta live for you”
I don’t need to explain to some of you out there, that sometimes doing it on your own and for yourself can be a real mind fuck. It’s these kinds of phrases that can trap you believing you really do have to go it alone, that you shouldn’t make your life about anything else but yourself as if you are born with some kind of miracle that will counter act all the negative shit in your life and the heavy burden of depression.
What about those who really need some one to focus on..Something to focus on? I can’t see myself making my life about more than just what I’ve been given in it..my hands, my legs, my looks and my mind.. my heart and soul too. And when time wears down the integrity of my very being, there will always be someone there to make my situation sound easy. “Just don’t focus on the negative” (makes me want to throw up) I’ve spent half my life ignoring the real problems and creating myself up to be a complete illusion in this world..a fake and a desperate dying figment of my imagination. I’m not gonna pretend like life is worth living.. I need more to shoot for. I have to have a goal in life, a target. I cant just make myself out of nothing anymore. I cant grow happiness like hair, and I can’t stretch love past my own shoulders, enough to make life worth waking up to every morning. By myself, I can’t just erase the hate and anger I feel. This pain isn’t going anywhere if I have to do it alone.
Fuck doing anything for myself
I want to live for something greater
17 comments
I am sorry…
i do like this post, i agree. Look i wish i could give some advice. I dont know what to say… I hope you meet a kind and understanding person that appreciates you and that you can share thing with.
I have never actually been alone, but sometimes i feel alone inside
Thanks, you are always so sweet.
I’ve actually met a girl, and already things have been intensely complicated in my head, really. She’s caused me to reach out for advice and pretty much everyone tells me to do it for myself and not her, and it’s like..yeah, I get it.. but you have to understand how that looks from my point of view. To me it created this gap between me and my real goals..to find love and start a family. What the fuck good am I alone??
I wanted to throw an analogy in there to where people always talk about how alcohol kills, but yet some people are not only very functioning drunks..but also that some people are better off having a drink everyday like medication. And it makes sense. Some of us don’t function well alone. I went and watched the Giants (baseball) with people at a bar the past couple days, and it really brought my spirits up. I didn’t get drunk but just being there with my friendly bar mates took so much edge off my mind.
But this girl makes me want to try harder which I don’t think is bad but every time I try to tell people “yeah, she makes me want to focus” I always get.. “nah nah nah bro, you gotta do it for you”
Yeah..I get it, really I do! But who is that helping? Me? The person giving the advice most likely! Usually that person already has their life together. Trust me, i know. But i need something more
In the end i will only truly enjoy living for someone else, if there is a kind enough person. But they don’t exist outside of SP i guess… Well, in my view. Because nearly all guys treat me like shit
One day if you let your heart open just at the right time you will snag a good guy, just for you. Just try and keep hope in that. Not all guys are bad..I know cuz I’m a good guy and I have faith that one day I’ll find a good girl who appreciates me. There are millions of good people in the world, not just here.
Yes i know my luck hasn’t been good at all… Also it just seems all guys are bad when i have met so many like that…
i believe you will find a nice girl who appreciates and i hope you do…
Baby girl..you haven’t met enough men to know which ones are good. You have lots of growing to do no matter how mature you are for your age. You have so much time to grow and change and find love, you should definitely keep that optimism. I’m in my 30’s and I know I need to do the same, and never falter that mind frame. 😉
im coming from the opposite side.
i lived my life so that i could impress my family, my loved ones, my friends
now im just living for me.
what are the odds…
But the people who are telling you that you must do it on your own are just trying to save you from the harm that can be caused by not doing it on your own. If your able to cope on your own, to be okay without someone else, its the greatest feeling ever. Cause what happens then when this “girl” decides to leave you. Then what do you do? You wasted all this time relying on someone else, only to be hurt in the end. If only you got through it on your own, you’d never been in this position again…
I know the point you are trying to make but check this out, from my point of view..
1. I just lost my wife, we were together for 6 years and she left..it hurt for a good few months but I’m so use to being alone in my hatred, i don’t even want her back or even want to care. I’m over it. Is it fair? Fuck no, but life goes on.
2. I’m ready for the next relationship..no one nights, not long distance, not Internet dating.. Fuck..let me tell you I have this young bar tender right now flirting with me asking me where I ran off to last night ..I’m maintaining.
3. When a person like me is ready to pursue a relationship, feels confident around others, but suffers from an uncontrollable mental illness that isn’t even being treated..those people can’t possibly understand what’s best. It’s just generalized advice thrown to the wind. My problem is I’ve been alone too long and I don’t need to be, I shouldn’t be and that’s where the problem is. I’m not short of any hobbies, tasks or interests.. I just can’t focus on them without knowing I’ve filled that empty space in my life and in my mind. That’s what I’m after so why the fuck do it alone, right?
I am seeking professional help btw. Soon I’ll have medication to stabilize me hopefully
1. I’m sorry about your wife… But if you can just be “over it” in just a few months, why were you truly with her? So you won’t be alone? If you loved her, you’d be a mess. Love is a very powerful emotion, it can’t just be washed away like it was never there…
2. Are you ready for the next relationship because you just don’t want to be alone? Long-term, committed relationships should be based off love. You should want a serious relationship because you want LOVE, not because you don’t want to be alone…
3. You’re right. I can’t possibly understand what’s best for you. ONLY because I don’t know you. Society can generalize those with mental illness and make observations but it doesn’t mean that’s what is best for said individual. What is best for you may not be best for the next person with the same illness.
I understand you’ve been alone for so long. It’s completely unfair, and you shouldn’t live a life like this because everyone deserves someone to care and be with them physically, emotional, sexually. But don’t make the mistake to feel this void so quickly just because you can’t stand being alone anymore. There’s more to it. Don’t get stuck because you don’t want to be alone.
1. I still love my ex.. I let her go live her life because I love her enough to let her go. And i am a mess, barely hanging on these days. That’s why I said “is it fair? Fuck no” and “I’m over it” cuz I’m so sick of dealing with the pain of loneliness and rejection I don’t want to face it anymore. All my values in life are gone and I’m just a shell trying to be filled with something more. Thank you for the condolences. Love doesn’t mean killing yourself over another person, it means to give what you have to for that person to be happy. And if it doesn’t work…it’s just humans being humans. I’m not gonna kill myself for another person. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love her.. I wouldn’t think that way
2. You are right. But you assume I’m afraid of getting my heart broken. My heart is sure and confident and strong. It’s my mind that needs the help. But yes I am still learning to date, without being in an actually relationship.
3. Thank you, again. You are a nice person. It’s not just about being in a relationship for me. I’m also making friends as I go to counter act the loneliness and improve myself however I can. But I’ve been alone for too long in my life and the messed up part is I really get a good idea for how people are real quick and I can see right away when a relationship will work. The key is not getting stuck on people after they give up on you, move on quick to put that person away. I’ve had to do this so many times I’m a pro. It’s my mental illness I need help with. But I’m still stable to date. I know not everyone can do this and I know I’m risking a lot sometimes
Thank you
I really hope everything works out for you. Loneliness is probably one of the most difficult thing to over come. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t make the mistake of being stuck with someone just because you don’t want to be alone anymore. I grew up with not so many friends. I tried hard through high school to try and fit in but it never worked. I dyed my hair, stayed as much in shape as possible, just trying to get attention because I was so damn lonely. Didn’t work in school, then I graduated and got a job working with my mother. That’s when the attention poured in. I met this guy and we started dating. But it was a mistake. He was mean, and jealous. He was obsessive and controlling. But I didn’t leave him because I was afraid of being alone. A few more months went by and I started talking to an old friend, “fell in love” and pulled myself out of the relationship with him. Only being able to do so because there was someone else there to feel the void. Now its been a year and I have a beautiful baby girl by him but doesn’t mean I’m happy. Sometimes I feel stuck, more now then ever. I’m not sure if I truly want to be with him now. I love him but I just don’t see myself happy with this life…
So please, just don’t get stuck. Find someone you actually want to be with. I rather be lonely then in the situation I’m in now.
🙁 I’m sorry you aren’t happy…having a family should be a gift not a burden, so it’s heart breaking to hear you have to deal with that hanging over your head.
No worries here, I will stay true to what I know is right and never settle for someone just because I don’t want to be alone. Thank you for that advice and sharing your story. Much respect to you and I hope you find what you are looking for. Never give up.
All advice sounds the same to me because I was a ‘problem child’
But yeah, for the rest of you I can see how those comments might not be helpful. If you reject their advice then you would be following your own path, achieving the same.
We are human beings, our nature is to need and depend on others for life itself. Problem is, we live in a world that has tried so, so, so very hard to move away from that basic human nature. The result of not having to truly depend on anyone is that we have lost a basic sense of trust in one another that is crucial to our well-being. I am not content with just going it alone either. I want to depend on people, and I want people to depend on me. Just look at New York City, you can see thousands of people per day there, yet how many do you really care for? How many really care for you? This troubles me.
I don’t want to kill myself because I can see myself loving my life one day. I know I’m capable of stability and love.. I’m just trying so hard to put the pieces together and keep them together.
Right now I’m just a puzzle piece that fails to complete a full image of who I am inside already. When the pieces finally come together, that person inside will finally shine bright for everyone to see…including my own self.