Hey, thanks for everyone who commented and talked to me on my last post. I’ve really come to some solid realizations that I need to start appreciating my life more and the things I love to do in this world. I need to find myself without the crutch of having some one else there to fill a void that needs no filling in the first place. That pursuit is not achievable! I’m not gonna pretend that I’m a whole person, because I haven’t found myself yet..I’m not secure with who I am yet. And I’m not gonna let that kill me, or drive me insane […]
I just want to say something before I leave and finish what I have started. It was nice meeting all of you from CC, TC and SP I may not talk much but just having a place to come and read and share thoughts has helped me for a while. I have been planning this for weeks and I picked tonight for no reason but it is the best night i could have picked. I am done trying I am done taking to people and I am sick of every doctor you talk to wanting too put you on medication. I know….. I self medicate […]
And I’m not talking about the people who have had close brushes with death and feel like they are living on borrowed time (you know, the ones who are like “a piano almost fell and killed me! Now I will live life to the fullest!”). Or maybe I am? I have survived from a very real attempt at suicide. I always wanted to die. I have tried plenty of other times but was always stopped or prevented. I hate that when you die, the people who treated you the worst are never the remorseful ones. The funny thing is that they are the ones who […]
im just stuck, stuck with my feelings, stuck with my own fear of killing myself, im too scared to do anything about it yet i cant put a foot foward to better my life, im just stuck… and i cant do nothing about it… here is a little drawing i did that express my state of mind
i am nothing. every since my best friend Danny died my life has become less than shit. he was the person i could talk to when i had no one else who i could. my family hates me and its like no matter what i do i can never make them happy more or less me. i miss him so much and it seem like everyday i have to find a reason to stay on this earth. ive tried so many times to die and i come so close every time but someone ends up saving me somehow. that doesnt mean they love me. i […]
I am soon to be 18 and time seems to be plunging forward. I was unable to meet any of my parent’s expectations and when I turn 18 I will be disowned because of this. Maybe it would be good to be able to never see them ever again but I’m scared and don’t know what to do. I’ve run out of chances and time. Being a suicidal child since the age of 7 with numerous suicidal attempts had already ruined my chances of surviving this family .
What did they expect when my mother beat me most of the time as a child? My parents […]
i feel very lonely here. no one likes me. For no reason if people have problems with me then why i should live here. i think if i will die then these people’s problems will be solved. i want to see everyone happy. good bye.
since i was a kid iv always felt like i dont belong in this world. i can never do anything right and dont fit in atall. i have no friends and if i do make a friend they always end up betraying me. i made a very close sucide attempt at 13 and was told my life would get better but 10 years on its not i just feel like im waiting to die to end this pain. every one says sucide is wrong, i dont agree if ur unhappy y is it wrong to take ur own life. iv been a self harmer since […]
So I finally thought I had a reason to keep living. I thought I was going to be finally happy again in my life that I hadn’t felt in years. I thought it was good again. I finally fixed things with the girl and the love of my life. But like always I fuck everything up in my life and make things bad again. So now being back down again I find out I have to have a heart ultrasound done cuz I might have a thick heart or something like that. And if I have anything wrong with my heart I can’t do the […]
Hello whoever wants to read and share some insight feel more then welcome. I’m gonna share a condensed version of my life story I think it will be good for me dunno but it cant hurt. here goes.
well I was born in 85 im an only child and I have two loving hard working parents always were always will be. I had a great first 5 years according to pictures and stories from family. the family next door and my family were close friends. well as close as neighbors can be I suppose. always cheerful and doin things for each other. always welcome in each […]
Peut etres, le gas Francais, son coeur, il y va me sauver.
Xavier, Anatole, Jeremy, Lore. Life was so fun.
Constance and her castle with an indoor swimming pool and spa.
The party room in the attic. Oh, and Eva. Oh, mondieux.
Then I moved to the State, fourteen years later. Fated, and now.
Seeking to save my life, here, on Suicide Project.
I tried, I attempted, at life. Sucked inside my monster, was only I.
Only I, and still will ever so. Vowed, please, make me strong.
I lost a long time ago. From suffering death, I seek life.
Here on my opposite end […]
As I walk through life I imagine it’s one big knife. At any second I can slip and watch my life end. I can imagine the pain I would cause if I went, but I can only blame myself. I try my hardest to get it out of my mind but there’s always that one thing that puts me on the edge. That one person who pushes things to far. That one person who makes the pain not look as bad. That’s why they say time heals all wounds but sometimes the cut is just too deep.
and soon. Sure, who the hell doesnt want an easy way out, but growing tired of all the nay-Sayers who dont think i have the guts to off myself. MORE bad news today. MORE being alone! MORE being screwed-over by family. and yes, at this point i know that no one cares and i certainly ASK that no one cares. Just MORE shit-filled proof in my life stating i am worthless to others and i know damn well, i have long since been worthless to myself, too. i could give a fuck. i found a way to legally purchase a gun in my state. no […]
I just can’t seem to get anything done.
I feel like there are so many things that I need to do and that I’m falling behind on, but my mind feels like it is stuffed with cotton. Even if I make a list, I feel as though I can’t remember anything that I have to do. Then I just get frustrated and go take a shower or make food.
I am just so tired of trying to keep up with society. All of the expectations and responsibilities that are thrown on me, I just can’t take it. I don’t feel at all prepared for college, or living […]
Maybe the world is just a big mess,
full of pointless people doing pointless things,
but I know this is a world I want to be part of.
I want to hear the rain tapping against my window,
like a well meaning person trying to get in,
but in this world the well meaning people don’t get in,
it’s always the scum that earn the trust,
‘Nice guys finish last’ they say,
but fail to see how true it is,
because I may not be nice to everyone and anyone,
but I am nice to the people who need it,
and maybe I will finish […]
So, I’m sitting here wondering about life, and one of the things I’ve noticed is that the Internet has been the only constant in it for a very large chunk of time now. The Internet is there for me when I’m sad, happy, mad, bored, fill in the blank. Nothing else in this world brings me the amount of joy the internet brings me. Not people, not drugs, not alcohol, not sex, nothing at all can compare to the wonders of the internet.
I recently found out that my internet has a cap. Because I reached it. With that, my internet provider makes you pay […]
You spend your whole life trying to please people, but in the end the person you need to be pleasing is yourself. With me its different I try to make people happy and I try to please everyone and I know I cant please everyone but I try. My whole life I have felt like I am not worth it I have been told by people that I was just a mistake and that I am not worth it and that I should just go die. Well guess what they got into my head all the time I stayed strong for my family and I […]
Ok so um, this is my first time posting so try not to judge.
My life was normal as it could be-when I was 7. I would go to to school, bake cookies, and stuff like that. I basically had a good life, or so I believed-it was hard for me to see the bad in people/situations.
My mom: the woman who raised me till 7…she did drugs-all types of drugs(i walked in on her when she was using needles-but i was like 6, and didn’t know about drugs yet). She was also apparently bipolar and schizophrenic. She abused my sisters and I. Physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, […]
It’s 6am here and I’ve been awake since 1am. I go to bed very early and love to get up and go on the computer during those blessed early morning hours when the rest of the world is asleep. That’s pretty much the only time I feel anything approaching to contentment and relaxation these days.
I’ve yanked up the pep pill dosage and have been rewarded with a little window of enjoyment. I know it will quickly be replaced with the anxieties, frustrations and despairing thoughts that every day now holds for me, so I might as well make the most of it.
My elderly ma is […]
For as long as I remember I was frightened. I feared other people as I wasn’t nearly as good as any of them. Then I joined the military and I was more scared. But then I started drinking and the fear left me. Being gay in a straight world (and a drunk) is not healthy. I was very frightened others would find out I was gay. My gay relationships were few – with occasional encounters – and after each encounter I feared people would know and I would have to leave the military. I never talked about my sexuality. Then through my alcohol addiction and a “disastrous” night I was […]