im a religious girl i believe in God but right about now my life is not so easy my dads away and he was the only person that i felt good with i only see him once a year and i rarely talk to him on the phone my mom… my mom is harsh on me and i understand why but i just can’t take it anymore im sixteen but she treats me like im three i have no social life outside of school and social medias my friends and she’s so mean when ever she has a problem with someone else or something im […]
Tag:
my life
Note the sarcasm in that post? Yeah. Loaded.
I am bringing him up on workplace harassment charges. Today I learned, in addition to him calling me a dumbass in front of everyone, that he’s been telling the guys I work with that he and I were VERY intimate. Uh, no. Never happened. Not even close. So now I know why I few of the guys are being suspiciously nice, and why the one very religious guy almost literally runs away at the mere sight of my face. Let’s make this clear, I’m a virgin, not a goddamn whore. I get promoted because I work my ass […]
Are any of you depressed people experiencing not only depression, sorrow, and boredom of life but also HORROR? Is anyone experiencing trauma and panic from existing in a cruel and violent world? Afraid to wake up in the morning, afraid to exist, afraid of gods and devils? Do you feel like you are living in a horror movie? Fear of someone torturing you? For me life feels like the movie Saw with God being Jigsaw. I am trapped in a very evil body and if I want to get out, I have to literally cut myself out or do some other gruesome thing in which […]
Things are getting crazy here.It’s too dangerous.We can’t trust anyone, people are driving me mad.I think I’m completely insane.Take a look at them, they’re everywhere!.Look at them, looking at me, filling my mind with paranoid thoughts.Talking about their stupid lives, talking about me.Whispers.Pretending to be nice with me.Pretending they do care…
They try to fool me, saying I’m cool and my life is worth living.Lucky me.I know the truth.It’s sad but it’s the truth.I’m planning to get the cooking gas tank, inhale and IT’S OVER!…they don’t know.
Can I trust myself? ….
…
Things are getting really really crazy…
some days i’m okay but other days like today i’m not. i’m trapped in my thoughts thinking about this baby that never took a breath. at times i find myself literally sitting up staring at the wall. what could i have done to possibly warrant this event.
sometimes i think maybe its for the best. she could’ve grown up to be the worst human ever
other times i think its my fault. whoever took her away thinks i cant handle the task of raising her right. maybe i was in over my head. maybe i wasnt ready. i couldnt do it.
i’d rather suffer trying and be constantly […]
It’s been 3 years since i last made a post on here about my depression. Let’s just say I’m the happiest I’ve really ever been. I coped with my depression by exercising and being healthy, doing so I lost 20 pounds in the process which I am happy about. When year 10 of school started I decided I would try something risky and I did. I tried out for the foreign exchange program to go overseas. With the risky decision I succeeded and am now going to Germany in July. And this is all because I found a way to cope with my depression and […]
After the best summer of my whole life I find myself back here for the first time in a couple of years. Kind of the only place I know to turn to when I really really really need people that understand to lend an ear…
Depressed lately… I just can’t be proud of myself anymore. I used to do really well at uni and now I’m in my final year I feel all the passion and spark I had for my major and my future has been snuffed out by the brutal machine they call the system. It just gets me down… I can study and […]
To whom it may concern,
I wish i was a better story teller to describe why i am where i am today. But all i can really think of to share is the present moment. I am a 28 year old male with a fantastic dog great girlfriend low rent and seemily great life. The problem is no job… without a job means i will be forced to give away my dog lose my girlfriend home and great life style. Happiness has a price. I am finally realizing that it cost money to breathe and live in this world. Without a job to gain money i […]
Sometimes i go through my day wishing i hadnt woken that morning. Life is a constant struggle and always seems to find a new way to throw another unfortunate event at my face. Ive been through hell and back to the point where i dont feel physical pain. Its like tyson could beat my face in and i wouldnt shed a tear. Its not until you criticize me with your words that i break like a twig. The amount of physical torture ive endured because you are so careless about others emotions. It seems u take advantage of every possible chance you get put me […]
So I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for pretty much my entire life.
I really see no joy in most things. I feel like I’ve mostly lived my life for other people, I can’t really recall feeling genuinely happy since I was young. It feels like my life has just sort of been a series of unfortunate events; which would be enough, but I just don’t seem to have the ability to deal with it.
Everyone I’ve grown up with has distanced themselves from me and ignores me now. When I try to make new friends people pretty much do the same. I push myself so […]
I thought I was feeling bad enough before. But apparently not. I still am trying to make things better in my life before “the date”. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to do it. I wasn’t expecting so much drama and heart breaks. I am so alone right now. Everyone is tired of me and my depression. Everyone is so busy. I have nothing to look foward to. I have nobody to love. I have no passion left. I feel empty. I get this impression that I’m trying my hardest to feel better, but it’s never enough. Maybe I’m just not meant to […]
I’d like to die. Right now.
Leave my uneasiness behind; leave the people of my life, leave their smiles, leave the memories that haunt me.
I’m suffering to keep up with expectations, relationships, efforts, i’m tired to keep the unquietness inside, i’d like either to implode or destroy.
This sucks..
it sucks
‘In the garden by the swing sits a
A little girl oblivious of the love
And and joy she brings
There are flowers all about her and
Birds that sweetly sing of the
Joys of tomorrow that a certain
Smile can bring’
There’s a pool deep with water from
Which sirens softness bring and
The pool’s cool and dark with
Golden fish and other things
There’s a rock by a fountain which
Quietly sprays the air and soothes
The very quietness that is spoiled by
Me being there
While she plays with her fingers and
Touches face and hair and is
Surprised by the roughness
And the burnt smell
In the air
Looking all about her at the sky devoid
Stars there […]
Hey everyone,
I’m not exactly new to SP, only because I’ve been a viewer for a while. You may have seen my shadow on your posts, that was me stalking you. haha. Anyways I’ve been replying to some of you guys, but I figure it’s time I formally introduce myself. So here I am. I feel like I can relate to a lot of you guys/gals. I have been through the ringer. There’s really not much I haven’t been through. So part of the reason why I’m here is you guys help remind me I’m not alone. And I want to be there and help others […]
Brief History: I am a 24 year old male. I have had Major Depressive Disorder since a very young age. I began to have suicidal thoughts around the age of eight years old. At first it scarred me because my life seemed to be perfect. I was adopted into a loving caring wealthily family who supported me in every way. as time went on I saw numerous therapists, and continued to go to school. I was miserable but still had some hope that it would turn around. I had friends and was playing varsity sports and seemed on the outside to be fine. even made […]
I am 15, I live in a house with my mum, my brother and my mothers partner, recently my mother had a baby, but that doesn’t sound so bad, however, earlier in life I was diagnosed with aspergers, and everything went to hell, this was before my mother met her partner, but anyway, after that I knew that I wouldn’t be able to have what every other teenager could have, and my mother seemed to know that too and is personally trying to ruin my life, ever since she heard that I was diagnosed she started treating me like a baby, I had less privileges […]
New poem. Had some help this time from SP’s very own Chataway.
Like usual, poem is beneath the audio for those that can’t decipher an Australian accent.
Tears
Bullfrog:
So it’s taken me a while but I’ve come to a realisation
that the worst thing one can have in life is expectations.
It’s like a revelation that all the heartache in my life has been of my own creation.
Being broke wouldn’t be a disappointment if I hadn’t expected wealth
and finding it difficult to move wouldn’t dismay had I not expected health.
Being lonely wouldn’t tear at the heart of my very worth had I never trusted and […]
I really need to rant. I’m 4 days away from the anniversary of the murder I witnessed and I am fucked up. Â The last thing I need is nosy-asses in my life.
My nosy-ass neighbors will not stop getting into my business. I am well deep into planning my own demise, but I’ve determined that I certainly can’t hang myself from a tree because these fuckers would call the cops. I swear, they know more about my life than I do. They’ve often remarked that they noticed my bedroom light was on. Really? Why the fuck is that their business??
I can’t go into my fucking yard […]
I cannot fathom the thought of love.
There was a moment 2 years ago where I experienced intimate love for the very first time. At that point in time, I felt like I was on top of the world – but, when after almost 7 years, you’re world decides it wants to move on, you are left broken and cold – it all changed.
Although my love towards this individual has only changed from intimate to platonic, it becomes a ride of anxiety-fear-hope-annoyance, because it has been 2 years since we’ve seen each other; 6 months since we’ve emailed each other; I am waiting to hear from […]
Suicide is not the coward’s way out. You’re leaving what you know to go somewhere you don’t. The ones who wait and wait and wait for it to get better and it never does, those are the cowards. I am not a coward. And I’m ready to end my life and kill the pain.