last night, in a desperate and drunken attempt to end my life, I tied extension cords around my neck about 10 times, tightening them, hoping they would cut off blood supply to my corotid artery. Welp, just like last time guess who da fuck showed up? That’s right! My aunt. She just happened to be down in the basement and knocked over something, then went into my room to say she’s sorry. Then she looked at me and removed my blanket to see I had cords tied around my neck. At least she was cool enough not to call the psyche ward. I went up […]
Tag:
my life
Hey guys,
Honestly, i am not suicidal right now, but generally i feel empty.
I am 17 and there is very little good about my life right now.
Academically i have detoriated.
I have literally no friends, i like a girl, but she doesn’t like me.
Nothings going for me right now.
So ill be blunt,
DOES IT GET BETTER?
Do things become better. Does not getting into a good college mean the end of life?
I dont know what to do I’m scared of death because I have so many dreams but without him my dreams seem to have no meaning.i have no hope for the future.i know you will tell me that no girl should give her life to a guy but I have he has now become a part og me and now he’s jist drifting away from me…I cant live without him, if I jave to share him then I’d rather die and feel no pain
I’ve tried it before but instead of me dying I ended up losing my baby unaware that I was carrying and I […]
Right now I’m 16 and turning 17 on March. So the plan is to me nice to as many people as I can possibly be and then kill myself. Why? because I’m afraid of being judged both religious wise and Hunan wise.
None of you now my backstory. So just recently I’ve found out my whole life as been a lie. My dad divorced my mother before I was even born, because of me. Also my whole family (excluding my mother) wanted me dead, again before I was even born. And the worst part it that they pertain to care about me.
So I was unloved even […]
I wish I could sleep forever, feel nothing but rested.
Idleness brings my sorrow, analysing and analysing.
Ever alone in this cage, some days I am on the outside.
A waste of time in the space of a breath.
How could I be such a fool?
I wish I could sleep forever, rather than take my life.
Dream deeply of cryptic patterns and events, even I cannot grasp or understand.
But still, in time, I would wake.
And this twisted feeling would begin again.
There would be much undone, by not being here.
This ultimately is what stays my hand.
To make others feel as I do would […]
for the first time last night I tried to commit suicide. I was drunk and on valium, my lover who had just finished fucking me left to go home to his girlfriend. A month ago I had a boyfriend and on a saturday night would I too would have someones arms to sleep in. I was angry and felt used, nostalgia overwhelmed me so I downed 10 pain pills and the remainder of my alcohol before throwing the bottle at the wall. I picked up a glass shard and ran it down my arm. I ran outside my apartment and hysterically cried whilst I smoked […]
I’ve totally fucked my life. Over the past 7 years I’ve self-injured. At my worst I didn’t care if I lived or died, I just needed an escape. Something to shut up the voice in my head, and let me breathe again. Now I’m almost 20 and the career that I’ve dreamed about my whole life is impossible because of the scars I have. And I understand why it’s a PDQ, but that doesn’t help me not beat myself up for fucking this up. And I also know that my mental instability was caused by circumstances beyond my control and occurred at a time in […]
Hi im an introvert and i dont like people. im blunt and not very compassionate especially towards myself. I dont like myself and I dont know why. Ive cut before and have hurt others who dont understand what it is like to be me. I do care but i act like i dont. I feel alone even though i know i have people who love me. I dont know if others feel this way. Theres a lot of things that have hapend throughout my life people dont seem to understand. They think its a phase or just a way of acting out. Im talking to […]
3 months ago my fiance and I got into a fight and he pushed me. We had been together 9 years and nothing like this had ever happened before. We have a son together and he is truly the love of my life. I was freaked out when he pushed me and called my mother to come get us. This was the biggest mistake I could have made. The next morning I woke up in my mothers house still upset from the fight. She was being very pushy with me and ended up calling an expensive lawyer and the police without my consent. She embellished […]
Poll: how much of your existence has been happy and when was the last time you was happy?
by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er
of my 31 years on this earth, I had brief moments of happiness as a small child but never lasted due to my chaotic family situation. Maybe an average of just alittle under a month a year. After that – May 1995, July 1995, March-May 1998, March-May 1999, April-October 2002, September-December 2006 and November-December 2011. I’m not even sure if I was truly happy than ether because my life has been so miserable I can’t tell the difference sometimes. Those dates I pointed out were more or less when my life was not a living hell.
how about yall?
Hi everyone, it’s been a while now since I’ve been checking this site and it’s my first post.
Im a 37 yrs old man from Lebanon (Middle East) and have been suicidal for about three months now. I’ve never opened up to anyone about this. I’m facing collosal monsters (dept, family and work problems)… recently realized that I’m clinically depressed (wasn’t diagnosed though) and that I pushed away every single human being in my life.
I’m sinking into this downward spiral no matter how hard I try to escape it. Really fucking tired of this shit called life and I don’t know if I have the balls […]
There is nothing around me
Of interest.
No shapes, no sounds. It’s all
A blur.
The only thing I trust now is
Darkness.
Pain constant in my side, just…
Hurt.
My life feels doomed, forever
Empty.
I need help coming back to
Life.
I forgot what it’s like to feel
Happy.
The pain, it cuts like a
Knife.
Memories have been long gone;
Forgotten.
Why would I try to remember all
My fears?
They still plague me, haunt me
Even then.
I like the dark. Now no one can see
My tears.
I’m telling everyone about this. I have support coming to me from all different angles. I’ve never felt as loved as I do now. The last period of my life I was suicidal I kept it all to myself whereas this time I am sharing my suffering and it feels good. I am showing I am imperfect, I am accepting support and advice. I have let my guards down.
Day 3 of my meds today, I am actually feeling pretty good this morning apart from I still have really bad insomnia – only 3 hours sleep or so last night. It’s the rolling around waiting for […]
Hi this is my first Post, am 37 married mother of 4 kids and I deeply depressed, for so long I can not remember when I wasn’t, situations in my life are some of the reasons which contribute to my feelings, I recently found out my husband of 13years was cheating on me and even when I confronted him he didn’t even apologize just gave me a cold shoulder worse of all he doesn’t take of us well and if you ask him to provide for the kids he always say he doesn’t have money so many a times am left to carry urge burden […]
Ok – so
I started at a new therapist yesterday
She talked to me for an hour and a half. We literally scratched the surface – I told her when I started to feel anxiety in my life and told her a LITTLE about my 3 life destroying relationships
She says to me – “You have suffered a very high degree of trauma in your life”… ALREADY – she knows this from the tiny tip of the gigantic, ship fucking sinking iceberg that is my life… I haven’t even told her about all through school and the suicide attempt(S) and she says “I have August off”… […]
I guess my life isn’t horrible, and I feel really lame thinking about suicide when I know so many people have it way worse than me, but I just always feel so lonely. I never have anybody to talk to and no matter how hard i try to get rid of it I always have this feeling that I’ll get nowhere in life. Oh well.
What need have I to fear–so soon to die? Let me work on, not watch and wait in dread: What will it matter, when that I am dead That they bore hate or love that near me lie? ‘Tis but a lifetime, and the end is nigh At best or worst. Let me lift up my head And firmly, as with inner courage, tread Mine own appointed way on mandates high. Pain could but bring from all its evil store, The close of pain: hate’s venom could but kill; Repulse, defeat, desertion, could no more, Let me have lived my life, not cowered until The […]
I was scrolling though my calendar on my iPad, remembering dates. As I scrolled it seemed like life flashed before my eyes. Where did I go wrong? I have a great memory so I looked at all the months of my life (December 1983 till now) and counted the good times and bad.
I heard my first two years of my life was very chaotic. I don’t think I have any memories at all back then. My parents got divorced when I was two.
One of my first memories as a child was in the summer of 1986. My mother (who is a psychopath herself) was fighting […]
My first post…
I often think of how welcoming of death I am. Some say they are scared, I am not. If I could only wave a wand and poof!
I have many many things in my life to be thankful for, particularly two kids that I could never see leaving.
i battle depression alone. My wife is the only person that knows, but she would never understand the thoughts in my head.
i have no real direction with this post, just rambling. I’m just excited to be here. I will post again.
just wanted to introduce myself.
Tired of hiding behind everything. Lost all motivation. Trying hard not to give up. Haven’t shed a tear today which is a change. Still tired of this bipolar suicide shit. I’m suicidal.. Now I’m not.. Now I am again.. This is one crazy planet. Wait I’ll just check with myself again I now may not be suicidal. Lol
I know no one can help me even ssri’s give me serotonin syndrome after only a few short days being on them. Which suck because the first day or two being on them is good.
God did you screw up giving life to me with a mental disease or […]