It all started when I was in 7th grade. I was a fat harmless lol girl who always minded her own business. Then all of a sudden everyone started calling me really hurtful names like trash , fat , whale , fat ***** , fat ass. They would always tell me that I wasn’t pretty enough and they would tell me to kill my self that no one would miss me. Id run home crying Locked my self in my room and got the blade and cut my legs and stomach where they wouldn’t see because I didn’t want them to see that I was hurting […]
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my self
I used to weigh 120 pounds…now I weigh 200 pounds…I gained all that weight in less than a year…My fiance had just recently come into money and I guess you could say “we lived the good life”…since then I’ve had nothing but hate for myself.. I take forever to get ready because none of my clothes fit me and I hate to look at myself…now it’s constantly the center of my fiance and I’s arguments..he just doesn’t seem to understand my pain…I used to get comments like of your pregnant? And oh wow why didn’t you say anything(about being pregnant)…and I wasn’t…the sad part is, […]
Never sat down and wrote anything before so I said why not I’m 36 blk m when I write can’t believe I made it this long life hAs not been to hard worked since I was about 22 Always tried to stay stress free just going with the flow of things this last year has been the hardest been out of work about 9 months lost my job like so many others then watched my self fall apart losing everthing but my self now as I watch myself go I guess it will be cool to go out on my own terms giving up […]
I just want a easy and painless way out.
My first and only attempt I took 100, 500mg sleeping tablets and 27, 200mg painkiller tablets to slowly drift away and all that happened was I passed out in my bed then spewed all over myself while I was still passed out then when I regained consciousness my mum had found me and took me to my nearby hospital then I went out to it again and they sent me to another bigger hospital witch they put stuff down into my guts to make me spew the remainder of tablets out.
Note, I attempted on the night before […]
No one knows, or cares to understand…. But this is me…. A girl lost in her own thoughts. The only person that ever loved me died a couple of years ago, he was like a father to me. Now, no to sound cliche but I have nobody. No friends, no family…. None who care enough to ask, ” hey girl, are you ok”
A simple hug or a few words of encouragement will go along way but that never happens…. I often think of killing my self. I wonder what what life would be without me. Some days i find it so hard to get out […]
there’s a feeling I get every time a friend asks me to hang out. I often get short of breath my my heat races. I get hot and my head starts to pound. but why?
why is it that even though I want to hang out, I always find my self making excuses.
is it because I’m afraid they will ask me why in wearing a long sleeve shirt in 100 degree weather?
is it because they will comment about my pale face a bags under my eyes?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me..
i feel like my life is comeing to its end like thers nothing now but to die or let the hear on my face grow and look at the tv screen i uesd to be happy for a wile my last haza ? or was that me lieing to my self and nwo this is the end were i go one way or another two paths to take nither of them good but death looks the like best way foword
Hi, I’m new here so I’m not entirely sure how all this posting works but I thought I should start off explaining how I’m feeling and how I’ve been feeling for a while now.
From the outside my life looks pretty damn great but actually living the way I do is unbearable.
This time 2 years ago I was self harming and contemplating suicide. I then went on to try and commit suicide last May, which obviously didn’t go according to plan but it did wind me up on 24 hr watch until august at which point my doctor and parents gave me permission to go to […]
Feeling overwhelmed, meds are working perhaps but not really. I don’t believe in meds, I’ll take em so i feel like I’m doing something but moving has helped. I’m in my own place now. nervous at the cost, nervous at the waste of space that it is to be in a one bedroom or for me to exist. Anxious that i will fail, always on the verge, always begging for death to pre-empt that so that folks can smile and admire how hard i worked and not how hard i fell. Nerves getting the best of me. I can’t focus, don’t want to focus. I’m […]
had my 1st practise with my home made hood today and it worked perfectly. I begin back at work next week as a self employed driver, and my last few weeks will be so that I can leave my partner enough money to clear some last bills, and pay for a cremation, and with the exception of rehoming my 2 dogs, all is fine for my departure. I have decided to make my exit away from the home we share, as I would not like my other half to find me.
the weird thing is I feel perfectly calm, less depressed and a lot less exhausted […]
i see my self not just as a wast of space but as a thing to be toyed with its all i have been all my life i had hope but now shes drifting away im loseing evreything i love in the space of a few weeks befor i left for a wile befor i came back here i had some ider of what i was doing but now love and my mind are fading and my hope if i had any is gone
my sole is cold and leeking out of my body im a ship in space drifting a hulk thats all i am a emptey […]
I found this site by looking up “kill your self or deal with your ugly body” I have been so sad and lonely for 5 months now like really bad it wasn’t so bad before that I know I have depression. I see a tharapist… but I dont want to tell her about my feelings in fear of going to a hospital…. I have a husband. He has done some hurtful things to make me not trust him. N thats where my insecurity sky rocketed! All thos girls r skiny and pretty n im none of those things. He tells me I dont have to […]
There are times in my life where I don’t feel like the girl I normally am. Normally I feel strong, happy and just filled with life. Other times I feel like I am not even real. I feel as though I’m lost, scared and worthless. I have these times at least two or three times a year. I keep everything that upsets me in a box in the back of my mind and never tell anyone. I always feel as though I’m not allowed to share my sad thoughts with others because I shouldn’t have them and people would tell me to stop complaining because […]
So my baby is gone I and so upset and I want to slit my throat every moment I think about changing things and I think about my baby. My boyfriend doesn’t even act like he cares. His mom told him before it all happened that we should get this over with so he could gwt away from me. And he wont even help me with this. His mom doesn’t care. I want to just be gone. I want him to know that I want him to help me tgrough this cause I fell stupid. He wont understand I hurt. His mom is like well […]
Hiya for who ever has reads this. My problem has been going on for nearly 9 years now, out of a 7 day , say 3 to 2 days am happy full of life,loud making jokes,love my girlfriend full of trust , then for next 4 days am down in dumps don’t want to get out of bed,moody,paranoid,want to kill my self this has been going on for years and iv never been for help (and don’t plan to) but a came across this site and was wondering if any one has symptoms and can help ?
Last year I would cut my self every chance I got. My friends, Hunter and Laura, were the first to notice. The keeper telling me to stop but I continued. Then my teacher, Ms.Ring sent me up to my school’s conciler. She told me all the reasons why I should live. I have a brother, a sister, and so many friends. When ask me why I wanted to die. I told her about how I get called so many names, and how everyone says I get my clothing at Walmart and the doller store. Then when I go home I get called more names like […]
dtm is what we make befor we die ay one who has had a near deth or has died for sevrel secionds (welcome to the club of almost there) will have felt this i first tryed dmt when i tryed killing my self for the 6th time and didunt understand it till at a gig i tryed dtm knowing what it was dtm is the cem in your brine that carms you down to die with out dmt you would spass out on the floor like in a bad scary film so the question will it help you pull the trigger no it whont if your looking […]
I cant seem to find words for him…i cant bring my self to ask for anything i want or need..because i have been turned down and hurt so many times before by so many others my mind will not accept that he wont..
when i ask him a question..a serious question that is bothering me.. i know the answer i get is the truth…but i cant bring my mind to trust him.. what will i do if i can never trust him .. how do i get past all this.. i dont want to be alone… i KNOW he will leave me because of my mood […]
so in a efort of seperating lies from truth in my confused head in going to experament with this self help i havent posted on here for qwite some time apart form two posts last night frustrated that all the people i once knew were dead or missing i desided to try this this is my first try at leveing this place iv tryed 26 times that is to say 26 failed tryes and times were iv been a inch away… my first time i remember not so well its kinder a blere but if you can imagine me siting on a sofa pack of 20 crying […]
When they fought, I chose not to fight.
When they cried, I thought there is respite.
When they loved the wealthy and the wise,
I knew there is a reason for some being otherwise.
Amidst, the squibbles and squabbles of life,
My candid nature kept me alight.
But then came doubt, I did my self.
I did my nature, I did my health.
I doubted everything I felt.
And on I went to change my self.
I tried to turn the course of the stream,
Not knowing I was only killing a dream
Of little joys and profound realm,
On I went on broken whelm.
I had walked too […]