Feeling overwhelmed, meds are working perhaps but not really. I don’t believe in meds, I’ll take em so i feel like I’m doing something but moving has helped. I’m in my own place now. nervous at the cost, nervous at the waste of space that it is to be in a one bedroom or for me to exist. Anxious that i will fail, always on the verge, always begging for death to pre-empt that so that folks can smile and admire how hard i worked and not how hard i fell. Nerves getting the best of me. I can’t focus, don’t want to focus. I’m not enough to help this all. I can’t really do any of this. I can’t.
Feeling sorry for my self while people are dying out there. I’ll probably be fine, or at least I’ll still be alive for a bit.
Take care of yourselves.