s
I look back over my shoulder
All I see is a past not worth remembering
And in my heart I know that I’ll never escape
The fear of my body growing colder
I see myself in all my pain
Hunched over the bathtub drain with
My blood pouring like rain
Down my arm to the sewer with all those who felt the same
And today I fight to keep at bay
The thought that demand I slay
Myself and those around who dared spout the lie that they cared
And end this life I hate today
So simple the old ways
To give in to hate and relate to life in the most brutal of ways
To berate myself […]
in my last post I wrote that I found this special person who helped me a lot in my life. he’s the reason I can write this. I won’t know what happened if I hadn’t met him.
some people say “you’re lucky to find someone like him” “I won’t find THIS person” and so on.
but you will find a person like I found him. there’s a special person for everybody out there.
what will happen if you end your life? you can’t see so much beautiful things: think how beautiful you’ll look in your promdress or even your little sister, the moment when you look in someone’s […]
Im back again, to let out all my emotions.
Today is monday the 17th of june about 10:01am
It all started on sunday. I was working, like i would normally do at Macca. i was doing drive thur so giving to food to the cars and then ths guy was like to me ” Oh i swear i brought this face stuff” im like what? and he says ” your face! i have this brand of face wash and you should try it, ill bring it for you next time ” when he left i ran into the bath room at work and stared at my face.. […]
Well the evening is finally here..
spent the last week getting ready for tonight
Got a bit of a journey to make but i’m ready..
Feel a lot more positive and prepared this time around have also got a couple of things to
help keep me calm.
I feel “this” is my time
Peace and best wishes to you all whatever you choose
Kinda reminds me of Marilyn Manson a bit. Â It’s fitting to my state of mind. Â For some reason I can’t get embedding to work, sorry.
She is cutting again
she cant hide here pain
blood flowing from her veins
and they call her insance
She is insecure again
but the marks she made
in her room last night
with the only way she finds
She is pulling her sleeves down
she is crying all along
the way to her school
is not so far
She is afraid
to face the crowd
she better know
they will make her drown
she don’t want
to go back to the place
full of insults
and an unwanted pain
they call it school
she calls it hell
because that’s the only place
where she lost herself
And now
she is down again
but it’s not her fault
why every time she should pay
She is going back
to her home
but she cant bear
this […]
You look into your drawer
to find your thing
which can hide your pain
give you relief
But
i want you to know
before you pick up your razor
i love you
and this love is much easier
I will pick you up
when you feel like falling
i will hold you tight
when your razor is calling
i will kiss your eyes
when you tearing apart
i will give you everything
and all the love you want
I will sit with you
share your pain
i will love you everyday
this love will never end
when you will be alone
with your razor and knives
i ll come and say
baby you don’t need this
come with me
i will show you what i believe in
I will take you on […]
I got to me great aunt’s house yesterday, the same time that a guy who looked like he was in college was there. Apparently, he was Katelynn’s boss and best friend. He was giving Katelynn’s violin to my aunt, obviously, I was confused since Katelynn didn’t play violin. At least I didn’t think she did. She played violin. She was in 4 recitals. She had a job. And I never had any idea. I didn’t know that every time she came home late was because she’d been working part-time to buy a violin. I didn’t know she was actually a junk artist, and I don’t […]
All of these years I’ve spent trying to make everyone happy. I believed that if I could make them happy, I too could be happy. So I stopped enjoying myself for the time and began focusing on the happiness of those around me. Turns out though, I only further ruin their happiness. My very existence makes people unhappy. No one ever wants to work with me in school groups, even though I do everything for them just to make them happy. I try to be nice to people and socialize, yet I still cannot make people happy. I try to keep a happy outlook and […]
So I have been on this site for a while and I’ve seen some people that all they need is a friend. I wish I could help all of you I wish I could do something worth while. This site made me look at things differently it made me appreciate what I had and how long I’ve had it. But I cant keep going anymore, what happened was the straw that broke the camels back I’m leaving and I don’t know if I will be coming back. The world is a cruel place and good people die because we can’t be as cruel as the […]
Do you have someone you know personally, or a role model/possible celebrity figure whose suicide or death you admire? Sometimes, I think of the deaths of others to help build up courage in the fact they could go through with it. You could either be inspired by the method itself or the components of their life surrounding the death.
For example: I often think of Gary Stewart who was a 70’s country singer from where I live. He had some good hits in his day, reaching the top of […]
nuff said. R wanted in the world. its their right to love. not mine or yours. THE MAN WHO SOLD THE WORLD. must prolly be meaner than ten vipers. cuz i know i’m going to hell when i die. it was a mark on me since birth called Srilankan and Unlucky.
haveagooddy
To my stomach
My palms won’t stop sweating
Thoughts flood my mind
My demons have taken over.
I can’t do it anymore.
I can’t try to smile
And act
Like everyone else
Because I know that I’m not
And I never will be.
And don’t call me a coward for being sad.
I am not a coward.
I am stronger than anyone will ever know.
And I have held in more thoughts than I am able to.
I am not a coward.
I am not a freak.
I am hurt and lonely and sad.
I am human.
They say that life goes on
But what if it leaves you behind
How are you supposed to pick yourself up again?
I may not survive this.
Don’t let them win – By not giving in proves what douchenozzles the bullies and bastards are and that for all their strength and snark – they just cannot beat us
“If you think god hates you, hate him back” (modified quote from Lethal Weapon character Martin Riggs)
perseverance dawg
I would come up with a better title if that one didn’t fit so well.
I cut myself.
but cutting, to me, isn’t serious. It gets a larger reaction than it deserves and I just do it for sympathy. I never feel anything when I cut. I only feel when I’m laying on my bed weeping my eyes out until my tear ducts are completely dried.
I blame it on hormones, being a teenager, ect. I can’t take myself seriously. I don’t have a good reason to cry. Why do I take everything for granted? Why can’t I appreciate what I have. Why don’t I feel […]
I am drowning in my depression.
I am unable to reach out to anyone, because I have no one to reach out to. I have lost what friends I had because I was “a bummer to be around.” I did what I could do mask my feelings, but I can’t, not anymore.
I am writing this not looking for sympathy, but to simply tell my story, and maybe, for once, I can be of some worth.
I was raised with one simple phrase beaten into my head, I am worthless. Whether I am or not, does not matter when that is the only thing you feel: worthless. I […]
I am guessing you are gone now. I haven’t heard from you in a while and know you had little rope left, needing what remained to hang from. I never learned your real name and don’t know what you looked like; I only knew you for a few weeks but we shared more in that time than most do in many years. I loved you, my friend. Truth be told, I had a big crush on you too and part of me wishes I had said so. My world was better for your having been in it and I will always remember you and thank […]