So my baby is gone I and so upset and I want to slit my throat every moment I think about changing things and I think about my baby. My boyfriend doesn’t even act like he cares. His mom told him before it all happened that we should get this over with so he could gwt away from me. And he wont even help me with this. His mom doesn’t care. I want to just be gone. I want him to know that I want him to help me tgrough this cause I fell stupid. He wont understand I hurt. His mom is like well […]
So after about 2 hours of sleep last night, I bolt up wide awake after yet another extremely vivid dreams that I’m sure was chock full of all sorts of metaphors about why I need to die soon. Exhausted, but I know I’m not going back to sleep. I start playing some poker online, won a bit, then lost a bit, so broke even. Feeling a little better about not getting wiped out at poker. But my mind keeps drifting back to my dream. It’s difficult to know if it was a nightmare or not. It’s wasn’t unpleasant. And perhaps that is the nightmare. It […]
He loves me and can’t live without me–he says. But he won’t listen when I tell him what I need to be happy and to regain trust in him after robbing me while high on crack. I was a codependent until I learned to implement a tough love routine.
He promised he would go to rehab so i sprung him out of jail. And then, he skipped off 3 hrs away blowing off rehab. He insists i cheat on him when he’s the only one. He’s psychotic and the list of guys he accused that I am having sex with just keeps growing. We argue and […]
I honestly thought this summer I would be able t talk and hang out with my friends. My best friend said that no matter what I needed, she would be there for me. This morning I got in a huge fight with my mother, she threatened to hit me which made my dad step in and tell her to back off. I’m honestly lucky that he is there for me. But even though the fight was over, I still felt horrible. The things she said hit me like a bullet to the heart. Reality hit me, it hit me hard. I felt like […]
There is so much fear. I want to go back to school this fall to finish my degree but I’m not sure how I am going to survive. I had big dreams of graduating and going on to MIT for graduate program or even just getting a job and being responsible. I feel like I am falling apart here. I feel as though I am either normal or depressed and not functioning. I don’t trust medication and I don’t trust the doctors who screwed me over. I became depressed on birth control, then took Prozac, was abusing Adderall in between to finish deadlines and the whole […]
Oh. Oh. Holiness, is dead.
Oh. Killing me softly.
The water, the words, down the drain.
Oh, the music, awaiting for the outlaw.
Hold it, by the claw. The bear, the world needs to blow.
The celestial mad cow, look into her eyes. Take her blood, instead.
From our, hybrid evolution, never evolved. I wonder, our caveman.
The killer clan. The God of Man. I am the only, a Morlock.
God is dead. God is real. My obscure projection into reality.
The new age is the golden age.
Our soul never evolved, only our machines.
The ant, the ant, they grow. What will be, of behind […]
I am my feet, and my ways. Guided by peace to this day. I need my needs, cause I am sand. So I will slip in to your hands, and beyond your reach.
I speak the words holding me, like clashing these bricks and these swords, cutting deep through my soul. I reap the rewards for good seeds and still retain some sort of piece to myself.
I am my feet, no, not my name. Guided by hate through this game. I need release from this place and the chains still draining me until this day.
I am my search and my sins. Guided by […]
I’ve been stolen
And I know I can’t be found
To which these eyes can’t understand
Life’s been destroyed
And am I now
Without regards to who I’ve been
Treasured times have taken me
Far beyond the whispered willow tree
Ideologies
And simple needs that burden me
Will rest here in this place
Where was I going
I never figured out
I couldn’t wait
I want it now
That’s my testimony
It’s all I had to show for myself
Cause I’ve been stolen
And can’t be found
To which these arms keep reaching out
Can’t fill a void when all is lost and alone
Hey, thanks for everyone who commented and talked to me on my last post. I’ve really come to some solid realizations that I need to start appreciating my life more and the things I love to do in this world. I need to find myself without the crutch of having some one else there to fill a void that needs no filling in the first place. That pursuit is not achievable! I’m not gonna pretend that I’m a whole person, because I haven’t found myself yet..I’m not secure with who I am yet. And I’m not gonna let that kill me, or drive me insane […]
I find some sick satisfaction in judging others. I always compete. I always need to be better than anyone else. I always fail to be. I’m so negative. I loathe myself. My body is so hairy, even as a female, because I have PCOS and Hirsutism. My stomach is HUGE even though I lost 30lbs (I went from 140 to 110 last year but I look 150. I’m 5ft 3). My wardrobe is that of a 5th grader. I can’t afford anything new. I’m always afraid I’m going to be homeless. I have been dating a guy for 7 years who is abusive in all […]
I know you are there.. Why don’t you hang out anymore? Whats keeping you so busy? lol Comment so I can email you..
P.S.- this place needs you!!
There was a time when i posted my sad story on this forum.To be honest i never want to remember those moments again in my whole life. But I definitely want to remember and thanks to this forum, that today i am a better person.
I met somebody through this forum who really helped me to overcome those bad days. I would like to do the same with people out here. I want to help you all and make you feel comfortable. I want you all to know that i will always be there if anyone needs me then feel free to msg me on inhellut@gmail.com
I’m always here to listen to anyone who needs to vent/talk.
chubbypandahelps@gmail.com
Does heaven have a phone number?
Mommy went to heaven,
but I need her here today.
My tummy hurts and I fell down;
I need her right away.
Operator, can you tell me
how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part?
I don’t know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too,
at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes,
but I really don’t know why.
Maybe if I call her,
she will hurry home to me.
Is heaven very far away?
Is it across the sea?
She’s been gone a long, long […]
My email is always open to anyone to needs to talk about anything:
Self harm
Depression
Suicide
Or just need a friend 🙂
Selseyc@gmail.com
I have always tried to mean something to someone, but in the end I end up meaning nothing to everyone. I started to notice that I’m like the “backup” friend. The one who is always ignored except when someone needs a favor. The one who doesn’t exist except when someone needs help. The worst part is that I do it expecting something more than a simple “thank you”.
It’s not the first time I’ve felt like this, but I can’t get over it. When I help someone, I exist for somebody for just a few moments. I guess that’s why I keep doing it. But it’s […]
Believe it or not I am vacationing in Italy right now. I am visiting my parents (who have been here for the last year) and my mama and my self are in rome. I have been going through a custody battle for about the last year. My son is 5 years old and i had him for the first 3 1/2 years until i sent him to his dads to recover from my addiction and restore my mental health… then he decided not to send him back. (Granted his father wasnt a part of his life until then and moved clear across the country to […]
I want to disappear.
I’m sick of this life and the people in it. I want to slip out quietly through the back door and start over somewhere new where no one knows me. Â I want to travel the world and find the place the I’m the happiest, a place that actually needs me.
My mom told me that she could have killed me when she was pregnant. In my school I was bullied continuously for 3 years. I had operation twice due to some health issues and unfortunately I couldn’t complete my college. I’ve worked really hard from childhood to get my dream job, now I’m feeling like a failure. I wish my parents would encourage me and support me a bit but they always put me down. They compare me with other children from the childhood, and my mom always hit me with a stick even when it wasn’t my fault. No love from them but God […]
Married, merely just around 5 months ago.. I am kinda unsettled, doesn’t know driving a car much, and although I am optimistic, but sometimes I do realize that it’s been long since I smiled from heart, and this causes me a feeling of helplessness and suicidal tendency.
Till around 1 month of marriage, it was going smooth and happily, but after that, I did some mistakes, and those caused some problems in my married life. I love my wife, but she says she has less attachment towards me, my family or even my city. She is suffering from depression and many times she suffers from pain, […]