Here I am again, didn’t kill myself, pretty sure I won’t, but I’m already dead. Told God to leave me alone today, told Satan to take a hike too. How stupid is belief in God? I lay blame at his feet, I try to shame him by saying I would never treat my children they way he treats me, fact is, I do, I ignore the true needs of my son and he is lost just like me. My wife mocks me, says I need help, all I see is a bobble head when she talks and I hate her. I’m numb, dead inside, I […]
Tag:
needs
Wonderful?
I have heard a lot of complaining lately about the people on this site. I think, however, that you are all wonderful… Yes, even the people who have vented their frustrations about SP (I am sorry it isn’t as helpful to you as it once was). This world has dealt you some heavy blows, and for that I am sorry. I know that you are here to vent, or to seek support, or to share, or to help, or whatever the case may be. You’re reason for being here doesn’t matter to me, nor does the way you choose to express yourself. I value […]
my brother… he needs help. He attacked me and i accidentally cut him with a plate that i was holding in my hand. im scared and shaking and really hurt how he could do that to me. now he is justifying himself to my mom. “defending himself”… thats not how it happened he knows that or maybe he really is crazy. i need to leave this house for a breather
No but really I’m having the worst anxiety attack right now. And to add to it my mother wants to come into the session with me so she can meet the doctor. Now, I don’t have a problem with that because that’s what we’ve normally done for the past 4 crazy doctors, I just hope she isn’t going to make me out to be a basket case that needs to be seen every day…since, well, I am getting worse.
Sorry, I just don’t know what to do anymore. It gets to the point where you’re fucked over one too many times and they say “keep your head […]
that little girl
she was so naive
didn’t know what life was
so sheltered as a kid
she forced herself
to learn alone
she made friends
some lied
some cried
some died
some succeeded
some failed
she was alone
she had to reach again..
where is that little girl?
shes had some growing up to do
grown up decisions led to adult consequences
she just didn’t learn
she tried so hard
she caved
she lit the lighter and inhaled
knowing the damage
4 months later she lost herself
her baby passed
and she cried
where oh where is the naive little girl?
she lifted up the clouds […]
You can’t even manage to get yourself to work five days a week. You don’t care enough about yourself to to take care of your own basic needs. Your lack of self-respect is written all over you like graffiti on a condemned building. Everything you touch turns into an untenable disaster – like Midas turning everything he touched to gold, everything you touch turns to shit. You push people away like a plague – even people that care enough to try and help you. You live in the past instead of in the moment. You are beyond all hope. You might as well just blow […]
I really want to cry and I just can’t.. I’ve tried thinking about everything that makes me sad.. I’ve tried cutting myself and it hurts so much.. But I couldn’t cry. I’ve hit my hand off a wall. WHY CAN’T I FUCKING CRY?!! It’s like there is a big bubble that needs to pop inside me but I can’t find a way to. It’s been like this for so long I makes me want to end my life (along with other things).. JUST LET ME CRY!!!!!! Can anyone give me advice? Could really do with it…
Admittedly, I don’t post prolifically, but I read the posts here every day. A lot of times, the selfishness of parents comes up (i.e. “they’re selfish, I didn’t ask to be here!”), and I totally agree with such sentiments. In fact, I’m here to post a true story that, I think, highlights such selfishness in an obviously negative way. I should mention that I’m actually not the subject of this story; rather, it is comprised of bits and pieces of blog posts by somebody named Anne McCarthy, about her son James (presumably James McCarthy). It is deliberately told in a somewhat […]
So..today I had a panic attack in the middle of second period today..I hate it, I hate having anxiety. I know others must hate it too, it like ruins things so know I m on meds to control it but my dose needs to be higher cause it isn’t working anymore and my anxiety is back like it was before without them..Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh meh meh*dying whale noises* I also have bipolar disorder meh and borderline personality disorder..Meh *More dying whale noises* But if everyone else can ‘live’ with it I can too :/
Hello Friends,
About 6 weeks ago I was ready to move on…..all my ducks were in a row, as the saying goes. But then three things happened.
1. I learned a person I know and respect also suffers from MDD and has attempted. She shared this with me quite out of the blue. Evidently it took someone who had walked several miles in my shoes to see and heed the signs. I wasn’t aware I had let anything slip. She picked right up on it. I now have someone safe to go to in times of need. And what is really remarkable is she knows and understands that […]
I just can’t leave her. I have but I always come back to her, crawling begging for forgiveness as if I have done some unforgivable deed. I came to the realization this morning that I am frightened. That the emotional distress and pain I have felt whether it was her fault or not is not worth going through again and that for that reason I shouldn’t leave her. I told myself that if it needs to be this difficult, and I have already done it with her ( though it doesn’t get any easier), why should I have to do it all over again […]
what exactly are we meant to do when the world is pushing so many of us away? This is meant to be our souls temporary homes, our bodies are meant to be our temples yet we despise them, hurt them, try to mold them into something they are not. Â so many of us feel as if we have ruined any chance of happiness we had in this life but is that true? Â Sometimes I feel it is, and there’s a voice telling me it’s not, but sometimes I feel it isn’t and there’s an even bigger voice telling me it certainly is. So many that […]
I want to cut, I want to cut, cut, cut, cut, blood, drip, drop, razor, sharp, blade – My therapist needs to be on call right now, and he needs to stop being a prick. Â Anyways, you probably think I am another whiney teenager… Â Nope I am a bitchy 30 year old nasty **** whore. Â I keep thinking the best way to rid the world of my filth is to jump off that bridge. Â BUT I have done that once and survived injured but alive and pissed off. Â I could just use some words of wisdom or hilarious stupidity right now. Â THANK YOU
I’ve spent the past 35+ years in a depressed state. Something needs to change before it is to late. I’ve contemplated suicide more times then I can count even went as far as planning how and when I would do it. But I couldn’t pull myself to do it because I didn’t want my kids to grow up without a mother. And I didn’t want people think of me as weak and selfish. I hate the image in the mirror. I’m tired of putting on a brave front. I sick of crying myself to sleep. The loneliness is suffocating my soul. How can  I teach […]
im sorry
but im done waiting
im done with this
im so done
with people hurting me
and doing that over
and over and over
again and again
a never ending cycle
i thought maybe
one more week
one more month
one more year
one more chance
i was wrong
i cant do this anymore
i thought i could get better
but i cant
i dont know how to be happy
i dont know how to do that
i dont know anymore
i was looking through a box
of old stuff earlier today
and i started crying
because there was a card
that my six […]
Been over a week since my last poem so thought it was time to do a new one.
Once again, inspired by a conversation I’d had with another SP member, and once again one that I think needs to be built on – still feels a little unfinished to me.
Like always, the poem is beneath the audio.
I Get It
When I read the news and see the tales of all the people that were brave enough to muster the strength it takes to pay their dues, take flight, let go and say their last goodnight,
I feel hypocritically sad for them, I feel that they shouldn’t have.
I am here for anyone that wants help. I am good at giving advice, and I’ve been so low in the past I strongly considered suicide. If anyone needs help let me know..peace, respect, love
I have been consumed with thoughts of suicide. Tonight I was crying to ask my brother to shoot me in the head. As serious as could be asked. I wanted to say it so bad. Even after his prodding “you can tell me anything” questions.
The tears flowed but I wouldn’t give in. I was so close to just blurting it out but I couldn’t. I had the restraint not to tell him. I don’t know what I feared more, thought of him saying no but then even more if he said yes. I feared his yes because I honestly feel as though I would […]
Today’s been rough… ex gf is giving me hope… I dunno if it’s false hope… I guess I don’t fully trust her… I know I even just want to be in the same room as her… hear her voice again… just like I have for the last 2 years… even when I was living in my SUV… just call and hearing her voice made it better… i think that’s what it means to love her… I dunno… is that enough? She got a new guy there… it’s only been a week… he’s sleeping in MY bed… he’s sitting on MY couch he’s eating off MY […]
We are all upset,and maybe the reason behind it is we are alone.despite being there for people who didnt even deserved us,we stood by their back.and then like always we end up being alone,feeling betrayed and more then that frustrated.now days its more of a pattern a person is in your life maybe a friend,boyfriend but they all seem to leave after a certain point of extent.everytimg seems exciting n fulfilling in its start but it always has a bad end.this bad ending has made todays life a living hell….we all want infact need just one person who is true.it doesnt needs to be a […]