I Get It

Been over a week since my last poem so thought it was time to do a new one.

Once again, inspired by a conversation I’d had with another SP member, and once again one that I think needs to be built on – still feels a little unfinished to me.

Like always, the poem is beneath the audio.

I Get It

When I read the news and see the tales of all the people that were brave enough to muster the strength it takes to pay their dues, take flight, let go and say their last goodnight,
I feel hypocritically sad for them, I feel that they shouldn’t have.
And the hypocrisy lies in my vicarious jealousy.
They shouldn’t have done it but I want it so badly for me.
They had so much to live for, so much they could achieve, so many they didn’t consider who were left behind to grieve.
But I get.
I get it because I want it.
I get it because I know pain from which there isn’t a reprieve.
I get feeling cheated when waking like somehow sleep was just a tease.
I get it because I understand how when the reward of winning the fight doesn’t compare to the cost of laying the siege.

It’s hard to relate the story to those that don’t understand and to those that don’t know me.
And even then, those that fit those two categories, feel put on the spot like they need to deliver a verbal panacea and miraculously heal me.
And then there’s those that say “buck up,”
“Live, laugh and love” without knowing that for some of us that’s all so much easier said than done.
I can’t match evenly the forces that are advancing,
I can’t be an army of one.
I can’t keep expecting the day to break when I can’t even remember what it feels like to see the sun.
…I can’t beat life when life has already won.