give me intimacy
love me without touching me
cuddle me every night as if the night is our last night together
love me through your lips
make my eyes close and my mind forget everything, even my name
make me forget to breathe because all im focused on is you
make my breaths ragged from your mouth
make my knees weak from your voice telling me im ravenous
make me swallow hard as i try to remember what it felt like before this, but even then i cant and will not because youre too good
make my hair messed up and crazy as your hands […]
Has anybody seen the movie Winter’s Tale? I just watched it last night and I’m halfway through watching it again right now. For some reason, watching that movie makes me stop wanting to die and all of my desires disappear until the only thing I really want is true love, fairytale style.
Sappy, I know, especially for a 16 year old guy, but I can’t help what I hope for. And for once, I actually don’t mind hoping for love.
we’ll dance through the night with the moon light shining down on us
but in a few months ill text you while im drunk i won’t get a reply
we’ll talk for hours on end in the middle of the night both of us tired as fuck
but in a few months ill try to start a conversation with you and you’ll ignore me
we’ll hug each other when we see each other and talk for a few months
but in a few months when i see you you’ll ignore me like im nothing
we’ll talk about deep things and question life and have a great time
but […]
Okay so we have broke up its been a week and a bit and did we just spend the night together? you in my arms, feeling your heartbeat on my chest stroking your cheek, your neck, you. Why do I let this happen to us? I don’t know how you feel but I feel nothing just frozen in place remembering how we kissed and how soft your face was. I need to know was there any feeling? I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is not my own, but it’s so beautiful, wanted to share….
Linger now with me, thou Beauty,
On the sharp archaic shore.
Surely ’tis a wastrel’s duty
And the gods could ask no more.
If thou lingerest when I linger,
If thou tread’st the stones I tread,
Thou wilt stay my spirit’s hunger
And dispel the dreams I dread.
Come thou, love, my own, my only,
Through the battlements of Groan;
Lingering becomes so lonely
When one lingers on one’s own.
I have lingered in the cloisters
Of the Northern Wing at night,
As the sky unclasped its oysters
On the midnight pearls of light;
For the […]
I’m never good enough for my dad, and he doesn’t care what happens to me. My girlfriend of 1 and a half years doesn’t even act like were together. I barely survived my first semester of college. I’ve delved into a depression. I’ve become so socially withdrawn I go days without talking. I stay in my room all day. I sleep for around 12 hours a night because I have nothing to wake up for. This is the last night I’ll feel like this.
I hate who I was and I don’t like who I am. Its hard to move on when your past is always looking at you. I can forgive myself, but I can’t forget the things I had to go through and had to subject others to go through. I was an ass and I admit it. I’m immature and scared to live my life. I joke when it is unnecessary and hide away from my life.
I say the wrong things a lot and just don’t understand people. I have no friends and am literally in the definition of a loner. I cannot connect with people my […]
I had a night of wild dreams. Sometimes I wish I could just keep sleeping. Today I have some decisions to make and I’m not sure where to go. I feel lonely and confused about what is the best way to go. Do I stay where I am or move closer to family? I am anxious but grateful for all the help today.
It’s a myriad of words stuck in my mind, none of them feeling appropriate for the situation at hand. I’ve memorized them over and over again, like some monologue that I’m trying to get perfect for when you’re in front of me.
Pacing in the pale dawn of the day, I find myself easily sucking down six cigarettes in the span of two hours. In between puffs and sips from a mug of coffee that gets colder, I try to imagine your reaction. Disappointment? Abandonment of one other soul in your life? God knows–you’ve had enough of that.
“. . .I try never to say goodbye, but […]
no one knows what’s in my mind. no one even knows the real version of the story. everyday, I’m still thinking about the night that killed me. i’m dead but still bleeding? isn’t that strange? everyday, i live in the hell of being stuck with that fucked up mind in a world that i don’t even want to live in. i’mstanding close to the edge wishing someone could finally push me. i’m afraid. still, i don’t want help. i just want to be free…
After a very long, rough, antagonizing night of my indecision to commit suicide to be with my lost fiance’ I’ve decided to stay. It was the first time since the night I found out he died the I had truly sat down and wrote letters to my family, to my best and only friend, and to the man who has been trying to pick me back up since I have fallen saying goodbye and how much I really loved them and didn’t want them to hurt. So to say it was for attention would be a lie. I don’t much like attention although […]
Over a year ago i lost you…
I loved you more than anything and you left me. You killed yourself and you wrote on this site before you did it so now i am.
I cant take being without you anymore. Ive missed you for so long. I thought maybe with time itd get better but its been so long. I just want to be with you. I am so lonely without you. Your family still blames me. It makes me feel so horrible inside. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe i did something. Even though you said it wasnt anyones fault it was a pproblem with […]
… Or, if you can’t afford the bus ticket to hell, just do it in your basement.
It’s so very simple. Fill the place with gas(but make sure it is sealed off from the outside if you choose this), or pour gasoline or any other highly imflamable substance all over. That’s how I plan on going down… Going down in fucking flames. The life of a damned soul I had, and the same death shall I have. I imagine everything so clearly… The flames surprisingly lighting as high as the ceiling when I drop the burning match on the floor… The extreme heat of the inferno […]
Another day of, well, nothing. I can’t laugh, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want anything but to plan my final sleep. I don’t know if my coworkers notice- probably not, they don’t know me that well. I’m trying to decide whether to do it before Christmas, before New Year, or maybe in February. All these are good times, I guess.
Every day is just empty for me, all I look forward to is sleeping and forgetting for one night and then forever. I can forget how I always let everyone down, how I always disappointed everyone- story of my adult life. They […]
It was all so fucking perfect, so foolproof. Nothing could go wrong, I was ready to go, I needed to go. Everything was in place no one would know. Then smack bang out of the blue the night I decided to die was the night another (elderly) family member died. I mean there was no way I could do it people would be calling now there would be no privacy no time. How could this happen? And now I’m stuck here in my own hell with no way out because now I have to wait. How much longer do I have to suffer, is it […]
My depression started when i was 11. My father had been abusing me and cheating on my mother then she eventually got tired of it and her left when i was 12. Haven’t talked to him since. My mother went into deep depression after he left and she started abusing prescription drugs (soma, vicoden etc) she had very unmanageable diabetes and was in and out of the hospital for 6 years. Then she passed away 3 years ago when i was 18. She died from an accidental pill overdose. Ever since then ive had so much emotional pain. I dont know how to deal with […]
I had the chance to go up the rooftop of a 12-story building some days ago. It was refreshing to get out of the house for a while and the air was so cool what with the christmas season (or a typhoon) approaching…
I stood up on a ledge and looked down and tried to take pictures. When I went up I could already feel my knees wobbling and my hand was shaking so much the first few pictures I got were blurred, I had to retake […]
My feet are clammy from the marathons I am forced to run in my mind. Was that you that came to me in the hopeless dark of the night? Or are these blessed visions an after image of a cursed mind? My soul is an enigma. It baffles the masses and their fear overruns their ignorance. Alas, even I am perplexed by what I have become. A solitary phantom drifting down a rocky precipice but it cannot reach the dark waters. I wish I could ascend on starry wings though this is just a fantasy, once cherished. So what will be the method of my […]
Dear mind,
Dear mind, why do you present me with the same old questions I can never find an answer for ?…
Dear mind, why do you continuously spin and make me feel like this room of silence is a room full of sin?
Dear mind, why do you continue to play these scenes and make me hear all these foul things?
Dear mind, please let me escape just this one night, so maybe I can find some sort of fight??
Tonight is just another night where he kicked me out because his friends were mad at me. On top of that I received a failing grade on an assignment. Just another night and I can’t stay strong.