I was the most picked on girl and I still am. Over the summer my mom and I got into many many fights. She had told me over and over that if I died her life would be perfect. So I started taking pills and cutting after almost one year of not cutting. She gets drunk one night and yells at me till I leave the house at ten. I walk to town almost six miles away. I sit down because all the pills kick in. Now I also must say I was drinking to that night. But after I sat down a cop pulled […]
Just sad. Thats all I am.
This is terminal, isn’t it? As in my time is pretty limited now. If suicide doesn’t get me in the end then anorexia sure will. I guess i’m pleased only im growing impatient. I know of very peaceful ways i can die. And yet i still sit here crying from the pain. I’m on the verge of making an official plan when i’ve only ever gone by spontaneous crisis moments before.
I’ve been in an endless suicidal episode recently. This just has got to stop. Am just trying to make it through this night without resorting to an overdose. Please make […]
On a cold, dark night
I can always count
On burning bridges
To provide me light
I had a really tough night last night. Nothing that bad happened but I just felt out of control and really really terrible.
Even after sleeping I still feel really terrible. Now I have these feelings inside me that won’t go away and I don’t know how to release them.
I feel the need to hurt myself. It’s really really strong. I promised not to cut myself, so I started scratching myself and pulling out my hair because I don’t know how else to release my feelings.
I want to hurt myself. I want to release my anger and anxiousness and feelings of being out of control and […]
Wandering alone at night..
..If this is where you are supposed to be
The crying..
.. the pain
Is this all worth it..
.. Having to hold & cry yourself to sleep
Where is the light..
.. in this dark and lonely planet
Even the dog wants me gone. I heard growling last night & found her staring right at me through the window & growling! Plus every time she sees me she cowers, like I’m gonna hit her. I haven’t done anything except block her escape holes.
The friend has now moved in & I am reduced to staying downstairs, eating muesli bars for dinner, simply cos there’s not enough for me. Not enough food, not enough room.
Oh & those who are wondering, I managed to plead to stay for another few weeks. Not that I think it’ll do me any good.
Well last night was defiantly an interesting one. But now I’m left with a difficult task. I could tell something was up with my boyfriend with the way he would hardly talk . I knew something was bugging him but what he told me I was not expecting to hear at all. for about the past two years me and my bf have been together everyone was really happy about it except for one person. My little sister she pretty much hates him and it hurts me cause most of the time I have to play referee when they are near each other. Hes been […]
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But we all know that answer. Today’s adventures included going to Skyzone. It’s a place where the walls and floors are trampolines. Needless to say, I had never before been on a trampoline. It was amusing, but while everyone who went was laughing anand joking around, I was hanging in the background like I do at every social event, making sure I was making the proper “happy face” and laughing at the correct volume. I wish I could say I had fun, but I honestly didn’t feel anything….well, I did jump into the foam pit and army crawled out because I’m too short to climb […]
Falling in love is great, but that’s just it, it’s the falling that’s fun. The air in your face as you free fall into the glorious euphoria that is opening yourself up to someone and trusting them completely, but nobody thinks about after the fall, the landing. You crash face first into the ground and you’re broke. Someone once said that love is not kind, well I say that love hurts, but even with that hurt and that pain, you still have to remember the fall and all the happy memories, and you can fix yourself, but it’ll take time, but eventually you’ll fall again. […]
every night the tears would come
Then
I stopped
I stopped my feelings
I couldn’t laugh
I couldn’t cry
I couldn’t smile
I couldn’t
And now I want to
I want to cry, smile and laugh
But I can’t
Because I’ve forgotten
I just don’t feel happy anymore the last time I remember being happy was Friday morning for about 30 seconds. My roommate is being verbally abusive and I go to bed every night and wake up every morning depressed. I want to change rooms but the other people don’t have a roommate cuz they left so something has to be wrong with them. My roommate tells me I have no butt or boobs, I’m scared to get dressed cuz shes gonna find something wrong with my body. You might say that i don’t need to care what she thinks but I’ve struggled with body image […]
“Little girl messed up inside
Wished that she had wings to fly
Away from sadness
Away from pain
Away from all the things they said
But when the darkness comes at night
She tears down the walls inside
Little girl messed up inside
Told me there are reasons why
She takes the blade into her skin
Killing demons deep within
But when the sunlight sets to rise
Still she wishes she could die
Little girl messed up inside
Cries and pleads, asking why
Some just die without their will
But some can’t even settle, stay still
Without the urge to end it all
Only wanting to […]
I woke up last night at exactly 0249hrs — the exact moment that the figure of beauty you see in front of you decided to call me after six months of no contact. I’m not going into specifics because right now I’m fucking tired and…for the first time since she died, I’ve decided to read what the news sites etc had to say about the events surrounding her death.
My point stands — it was no accident, and she knew what she’d gotten herself in to.
She wasn’t an idiot, but we can all be stupid at […]
There was this girl who was once happy and glad,
She had everything going for her,
Then thats when it happened,
Now she just sits at home,
Paying no heed to her friends and family,
She thought she was hiding it well,
But everyone knew her hell,
Every night she fell asleep with tears in her eyes and blood dripping down her arms.
She once had everything going for her,
Then it happened,
She could no longer feel the love,
Or the joy,
That was always surrounding her,
She only knew the pain,
And sorrow,
That is in her,
She never smiles,
Never laughs,
Not […]
Out of all the boys in high school I fell deeply for the emotionally unavailable. This person who I would like nothing more than to give all of myself too has never felt love. While guys were in there room every night playing video games he was working or running errands for his mother. Not your average teenager he was a man. As psychotic and bi polar as I can be …as I am I was always my best with him but its hard for me to express my emotions to someone who I knew liked me so much but never said anything. So there […]
the love of my life is coming home…. I’m so ecstatic. but should I, or how should I tell him that I slept with four guys since he’s been gone? (I didn’t cheat, we weren’t officially together and weren’t talking at these times) two were one night stands, and the other two were exes…
I fake it all so well. Everyone thinks I’m this happy little girl with no worries and in reality it’s a mask. A mask to the pain and horror I go through. They don’t see that little girl they think is happy cry herself to sleep every night. They think nothing’s wrong with me. Little do they know I fake everything just so they don’t know I cut and cry and want to die every night.
I think I’m depressed, maybe even suicidal. It all started when I was 8. On the day before my 9th birthday, my mum committed suicide….I remember my reaction, I ran into my room, ripped down all my posters, punched the wall (it made a crack) and I broke the class on my bench, then I just ran outside into the rain and cried.
my mum had been depressed for a while, she had no money and struggled to get a job. She was even homeless so she stayed with with her friend (my parents split up). Yeah so most of the time I stayed with my […]
Im terrified to go to school because there’s bullies there pushing me, teasing me, telling me to go die…. they dont know that I really want to and i barely sleep at night and refuse to leave my room most days. I trap myself in my room and push anyway anyone that tries to help me. I am on the verge of taking away the privilege of living….
I’ve stopped worrying when I think about death at night. It’s when it visits in the morning that causes concern. I’ve somehow made it through 50 years…lived a lifetime with bipolar disorder and major depressive disorder…and I’m still here. Somehow I have to beat the odds.
So far, I am.
Goodnight world. Perchance to dream- perchance to sleep…