I can see it in the dull yellow streetlights glaring off the sidewalk at night, and I can smell it in the exhaust fumes from passing cars
I can see it in my parents’ creased faces, and I can see it behind my friends’ glassy eyes
Despair
Desperation
Abandonment
Loss of hope.
I’ll run from it until I’ve taken another hit, until I’ve taken another shot, until I can’t be any more numb than I already am
But it’s always lurking right around the corner
Despair
Desperation
Abandonment
Loss of hope.
Hi guys, it’s been some days.
I’ll confess I actually forgot about the SP for some days, and a few days ago I realized I hadn’t logged on in a while. I was kind of shocked, my shock suprised me. Does that mean I actually forgot about suicide for a few days? I did actually. No random thoughts, no dark voices, it had actually been a few peaceful weeks. But does it actually mean I forgot about it? I don’t think so, but it does show me that I can distract myself and have peace, and that makes me hopeful. I think I’m doing okay. I’m […]
Im feeling good.
Even though there’s a downpour outside,
My mind seems to find a happy place.
A space that doesnt exist on this plane
but which I create and can change
according to my will
in accordance to the pills that I ingested
in mass quantities
Yes it bothers that im living in another persons body as my soul continues rotting My own mind continues plotting
Against me
When I resist me
Multiple personalities
Collide inside me
Im dying
Im dead
I dread the days, curse the night, wish my life would end.
I guess its more of a rap than a poem
cold dark sleepless night take me away by the candel light of the lantern on the bow of the boat of deth as i dance my hands on the key bord the words of hope and loss on the screen take me trough me i know how bad i am take me fight me love me kiss me i whant to be toched dont let me go i may fall dont hold me to closce i may hurt you teas role down my cheeks as i think of her tern to black then red blow up in my face all best layed plans stop
take a toke carry on
i […]
I’m currently stuck in another country that is not mine. Initially didn’t want to go on this trip as I am having depression. But I didn’t want to let friend A go alone with a group of people that he wants close to. However, depression strikes and I just couldn’t take it. Last night, I spent quite some time in the toilet crying about it and he couldn’t understand hence he didn’t do anything. Today, I found out that friend B told this friend A to totally ignore me. I’m currently out of the hotel room with nothing but a phone. No passport to rent […]
I keep waking up. I woke up in a pool of blood that one night, a month ago. I woke up. 80 ounces of the hardest alcohol I can afford, twenty cuts later, and I still wake up. I’ve overdosed so many times, on pills and booze it’s like my tolerance is way too high now. I wake up every time. Even as a kid, I’d try at least once a week. I’d wake up every time. A whole bottle gone, and I would still just wake up.
I’m scared, because every time I try to finally die, it just does not happen. I’m scared because when I get these last […]
Highly unlikely…… I know. But I am getting creative at this point. I have heard their teeth are so sharp you only feel pressure and I would hope adrenaline would take care of the rest. I could swim alone at the beach at night and temp fate lol. Shark week is coming up afterall.
I’ve had depression for 12 years now and when I was 20 I made a suicide pact with myself that if I wasn’t happy by 30 it was time to end it all.
Well my Bf dumped me last night and I don’t see the point anymore. I’ve got a year and a half till d-day but I don’t think I’ll make it to then. These past 10 years have been so hard the thought of another 50 like this make me feel sick!
I’ve tried suicide before but I was found, so this time will be different. I just want to make sure all my finances […]
I want to welcome you to your life. I’ve seen and filled it with my eyes, and it is pure. When you believe in something strong, you can be too sure. And if it’s safe to sleep at night…
I will walk you through your home and set your place. I’m still attracted by your smile, that rests upon your face. You don’t want to rest your lips.. So lets keep them speaking. I hear her speak to me..love
Oh she told me things I’ve set in stone, drove my heart steaks through the ground. I’ve up rooted..all I’ve known.
I know a world […]
We fought last night and the harsh truth came out. My deepest fears swam to the surface drawn out by his mouth. I begged and told him my fears and troubles and they were confirmed by telling me they were uncared for and deserved. My being, dignity, pride and any settlement in self were mashed all by his sewer. My place and image in the workplace shifted to the bad plain because of him and his embarrassing mouth trying all too hard to gain masculinity. I am uncomfortable in my skin, squirming with shame to get out because of him. Him,him him. I am apparently […]
I don’t know why I have to have depression. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to sit up every night crying about not being loved and cared for by people that truly mean so much to me. To be up all night wishing I was better. Nicer. Prettier. Skinnier. Smarter. Funnier. I don’t think it’s fair for me to want to die. I’m not perfect. I’ve messed up more times then I could ever remember. But was really so bad that now I have to live like this for the rest of my life? I’ve been trying everything to become happy. I want […]
Hey I seriously am having a really really bad couple of days. My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for a little over a year and a half. We have been having problems and some people take my side and some take his, but I’m not really trying to figure any of that out. I am bringing it up only for yall to see where this is all coming from. My boyfriend was treating me like an object and when I would try to go somewhere one night when I was upset then he held me down on the bed and wouldn’t […]
Everything is getting so messed up. I’m just…. I feel unwell and sick and nervous and unsettled and unhappy and I can’t call anyone because no one is answering their phone and I feel lonely and I don’t feel good. :'(
I just said I could work an extra night next week, but on those nights I see my psychologist and I don’t like it when things don’t go in routine. My little girl side of me doesn’t like it and it’s upsetting. I usually get my mum to console me or make my decision for me she’s not answering her phones. She tells me “Call […]
My story, here’s hoping.
Mature audiences only. 15+ would be my recommendation but I don’t know. When I was 13 I read this sort of thing. But please, if you’re young, don’t read this.
Between the ages of 4 and 10, my brothers repeatedly beat me after school. My parents worked full time and to me, they were almost like strangers. My two half brothers and my one half sister hate me. They despise me, they always told me that my dad favored me, because their dad lived far away and my mum divorced him and married my dad. Whenever I went crying to mum, she would […]
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Tell me what keeps you awake at night?
NoSelfRespect
Well my first memories where of nursery school my babysitter use to take us.I was a boy with big teeth and a speech […]
Slept for 9 hours last night but I wake up feeling less happier than yesterday. I don’t know how many times I woke up in the middle but should be plenty. I feel less happier, less motivated than yesterday. How I can be happy one day and suicidal the next I don’t understand.
Well insomnia is not the cause for my state but only a symptom. The actual reason I suspect is some kind of digestive illness. I’ve lost a bit of weight. I have had horrible reflux since 3 years. Celiac/Crohn’s/GERD I don’t know what it is but I’m tired of stressing over finding out […]
Only 17 years old and I have so much to say and I would never be able to remember it all to write it down at once. I don’t understand the purpose of our species, we are reckless and materialistic. The closest people to me don’t even know that I think of suicide nearly every night, I go to work and wonder if the people I work with can even sense that I hate life. I’ve been thinking about it for years, and i remember being younger and trying to hold my breath until I died underwater but obviously that doesn’t work. I’ve pondered the […]
First off I want to say thank you for all the people or most of the people who could understand and took time to be with me last night. I felt good when I was close to leaving that you people really cared even though you don’t know me. So thank you for that. And for that one person who was rude and inconsiderate please don’t comment. But I am going to stay positive.
So as you all know I hit rock bottom last night and couldn’t do it anymore. And I couldn’t take living anymore. So I acted. Not like other times where I was […]
I think that I’m the type of a good girl, I have never talk back to my parents, not even when they crushed my dream of becoming a ice skater, not even when my mother forgave me from seeing the love of my life, but actually she is over- protective just with me, I have 2 bigger sisters, but the only one that my parents don’t allow to go out at night or even with my friends on a Saturday is me, I really can’t live anymore in this controlled life, they are making me do all the things that they can’t do in their […]
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