Today is my 19th birthday… life isn’t appealing. I started feeling depressed after I moved when I was 10. Now, almost a decade later it hasn’t vanished. I’ve tried solving my problem but I can’t seem to discover the cure for lack of motivation. Everywhere I search the answer is to apply myself to a goal, pursue my dreams. How can I do that if I have no such things… What is worst is that everyone has the highest expectations for me. I’ve been branded genius by psychologists and could’ve pursued any career I wanted. This year I entered my country’s most prestigious engineering school, […]
Tag:
no one
I am so alone. I can’t tolerate it anymore. There is no one that I can talk to that can understand how sad I am let alone provide any advice to assuage that sadness. I don’t know what the point is in existing anymore. My life is a spectrum of torture.
I am handicapped, suffocated by mental illness.
Well the past few days I’ve been getting worse, quite bad to be honest. Today was my first day back at school after the holiday and I was so scared because I’ve been feeling extremely lonely and I know no one at my school cares about me, none of them ever want to talk to me. So yeah today I was quite scared because I had been convincing myself for ages that no one likes me and I’m never going to make friends anywhere, I’ll be lonely forever.
Yeah I do admit today was horrible, being surrounded by all those people who don’t care, turn their […]
Now I’m gonna have that song in my head. I don’t want to die. I just … don’t want to live, either. Can you commit suicide by apathy? What if I just stop taking my meds, stop eating, stop drinking, stop doing anything other than lay in my bed and stare at the wall and remind myself that I’m a cold-hearted monster that breaks everything, that can’t really love, and that no one will ever love back? I hope my cats wait until I’m dead to start nibbling at my body for survival, but, well, c’est la vie. It’s […]
The more I sit here in this dark wrecked place I’ve made for myself I wonder why? Why did things work out like this? Why did everything change? Could I have done more? Should I have done less? Should I have begged and pleaded? Why? Why is this all so crazy? What is all this insanity? I’m going insane? I’m dead I’m dying… Why? Why must I have to keep going on? Why can’t I just be released from all this agony?!?! A thousand tears and nothing left to weep.. Now what? Where do I turn? I have nothing.. No one.. Please… I’m so […]
I don’t feel welcome or wanted anywhere. I don’t understand what iv’e done, but no one seems to want to talk to me or hang out with me or anything and i hate it. What even is the point in my existence? there is no purpose for me in this world I’m useless at everything and no one seems to like me. The only thing that stops me from “not existing” is the reaction from my family and my boyfriend ( who lives 300 miles away so that sucks a lot too as he is the only person who actually helps me). I couldn’t bare […]
I am so very tired of living. It scares me how much I am. I am sitting at my computer, not looking at anything because I just don’t care. I am alone. I am lost and no one even knows.
My ex-boyfriend has sworn to murder me. I was in an abusive relationship with him for 2 years (2009-2011) and I only escaped after he strangled me in the car and someone happened to be walking by and I called the cops, even though he said he would kill me if I ever did.
Let’s jump to 5 years later. I moved and he has emailed me thousands of death threats over the past 5 years. I wish that was a hyperbole, but I actually counted. I received 993 angry/threatening emails in one year alone. Let’s also note that I haven’t responded to a single one of […]
I’ve been fighting this off for decades. I’ve had a couple of failed attempts not because I didn’t make a real effort but because something always happened to stop. Now, I’ve lost everything which I had gained and nothing left has any value except my children but that’s no longer enough. I want death and to be out fem this pain and suffering. The reasons are numerable but the answers are empty as to why to keep going. I just want out. I don’t know why I’m writing. I suspect it’s just to get through the next moments and maybe the day. If I can […]
So, I have two large tattoos on my arm that I fucking hate. One is a pink riot grrl tattoo with a skull and crossbones and the one underneath my arm says “stupid ******”. I already know that I am crazy it runs in my family. I was conceived in a state mental hospital. So I sort of am naturally inclined to fuck up already. which sucks because I am a transgender and I have a stupid ****** tattoo. and I really only got this tattoo out of self harm and too scare the shit out of people who would try to attack me for crossdressing. […]
Change is the one thing constant.
Do not depend on humans. Do not trust humans. We are all capable of manipulation of words. Nope nope.
Steel your heart. Steel your soul. Let no one come near. You’re on your own kid.
Build up walls, like others have. Be independent. No one is as foolish as you. It’s a eat-or-be-eaten world. No one will trust you the way you blindly do.
Curl up and put your defenses well. Grow up and protect yourself. Stop allowing others, be it friends or family, to hurt you like that.
Protect. Hide. Move on.
You have chosen selectively. Cause everything in life is by your own […]
Be strong and be the best person you can be. No one can ask any more of you. It’s alot easier to place blame than it is to forgive. Learning to forgive others is what takes true strength. Also, and most important of all, learn to be able to forgive yourself. Im such a preachy douche, lol.
She stands at the edge of the precipice,
looking down towards her future.
The last tears that she will ever cry,
falling from her eyes,
then falling into oblivion.
She watches them drop
as they disappear forever.
Yet, she laughs in the face of death.
Would it really matter if she took the leap?
She has been forgotten by tomorrow.
The wind blowing at her back,
pushes her to the edge.
Almost agreeing with her final decision,
and encouraging her to jump.
A thousand thoughts and memories
racing through her mind.
Her first day of school.
Her tenth birthday party.
The lonely, awkward days of her teenage years.
I am only living because I have kids and I don’t want to hurt them. Everyone I have ever trusted has lied to me, abused me or left me. I used to be niave and full of hopes, forgiveness and stamina. The older my kids get, the closer I get to suicide. When they are on their own and they leave me, I will definitely choose an exit plan. Lately, I think I may not be able to wait. I am not talented or skilled in any area even though I have tried many things. I’m best at loving others but no one values me […]
Hi!
I’m a 15 years old girl. And I’m feeling like shit. I’ve been feeling very bad for quite a long time, but some days ago I couldn’t control myself. My mother was shouting at me, she kept on telling me the same things, while my sister was laughing at me and the entire situation. I shutted both up by suddenly hitting my mother in her face. She started crying, I ran away and locked myself up in my room before she could do anything else.
I hate myself! I don’t get it! Why do I always act so aggressively. This really isn’t me! I hate myself! […]
the ex finally left again. that is a good thing, but that old feeling of loss and lonliness always return when she leaves. she was not the reason i tried to kill myself. i tried to kill myself because i do not know how to live in this world. i dont understand it. it dont understand me.evrything that was familiar and comfortable is gone. now, evrything is new and frightning. why is doing the right thing so hard?does the emptiness of loss ever go away? does the pain ever stop? each day i become more withdrawn and reclusive from society. hiding and hoping no one […]
Haven’t gotten out of my bed all day today, only to use the restroom, but that’s it. Haven’t eaten all day, and I’ve been up since 6 a.m. trying to lose weight. I’m fat. I cut myself Tuesday and Wednesday and its not healed yet, usually I’ll have a scab, but I guess I cut myself deeper than usual cause the wounds still open. It sucks i have to hide it from my dad an step mom. I don’t know I’m in a weird place, been thinking this whole time while I’ve been in my room. If I killed myself right now, no one would […]
23rd is my day now guys.. I won’t bore you anymore with my posts. No one can never get used to such condition I’m in. I wish I can say I’m happy now that I finally figured out how to end it but.. I just wish my mom didn’t come back to see this, even she understands that I can’t live for her, she told me that. I’ve been trying lately to sort of make my mom hate me to make it easier for her but it only works for a little while then I feel like an asshole and automatically talk to her. It’s […]
The only thing we can count on in life is death…it remains forever loyal…friends turn into enemies lovers into haters summer sometimes feels like winter,you’re body betrays you, you’re mind deceives you…but death, death is a fate that no one can escape you can count on it
I lived alone with my brothers while my parents are living outside of country for 5 years. I miss the total privacy I had before doing all these attemps.. I used to lock my door and no one would even ask me why I did and I really miss that for a reason that partial suspension is my only way out.. could’ve taken all the time I want in my room to do it and get done with it with my room locked but I ruined this chance for myself.. I’ve done other attempts, ***** attempts (with pills) and now that my mom lives with […]