I am constantly told what I should be, what I should do, who I ‘am’. What is expected of me. and I am NONE of those things. I am not actively suicidal, I am just hoping that life kills me. I am not motivated. I am not looking to improve my life.
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Fuck this world ! Fuck its creator! Fuck this reality !! None of us asked to be here !! We only die when we have something to live for but you can go all ur life jus wanting the peace of death nd will never get it !!! So fuck this world cant wait for it to blow up!!! #wherethefuckisarmageden
My stepdad is an asshole. I saw my therapist today, and she said to try different things to distract myself from the voices and such because they’ve been bad lately, so I thought I’d attempt to watch TV for an hour or so with my mum and stepdad. It is something I regret even thinking of, and it has made everything so much more worse.
Despite sitting basically mute, with the one off offer of a cup of tea, my stepdad yelled at me within 45 minutes. My dogs had just been outside for the sixth time in the space of 15 minutes, and I was […]
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Ive recently been diagnosed with manic depression. I’ve been reading the posts on here for the last few months. About 2 years ago I tried to kill myself by hanging and was nearly successful. I was unconscious and found by paramedics which is unfortunate. I’ve been battling with my depression for some time now and have had a partner on and off for the last 4 years. The support I’ve received from my friends and so called partner is diabolical. I know my parents will miss me especially my mum and I am so sorry and love you with all my heart. I just can’t […]
The one thing that has kept me going for the longest time has been schoolwork. I am a senior in college, graduating in May and wondering what will help me survive after that. I’m good at schoolwork. I’m smart. Not to sound arrogant, but I know what to do to get good grades, and I love to learn. When everything else is fucked up, as it often is, knowing that I can get something right is what keeps me alive. Now, it’s nearly over, and in all that handwork and all that knowledge gathering, I have no career prospects. Nothing that I’m particularly good at. […]
I’m so tired of everything. I’m bullied almost everyday because I’m ugly or too skinny or because i never do anything right. I’m worthless, I’m not good enough for anybody, I never was and I never will be. None of my friends act like they even care, half of my family doesn’t act like they care either. Everything I do is wrong, no matter if I try my best it’s still not good enough. I’m just a waste of space here. I think this week may be my last week. I just can’t do this anymore.
Philosophically, I’m lower than the lowest low. My mind isn’t here anymore, I’m the most dangerous human being alive because even I don’t know what I’m going to do next. Every constructive, fruitful, positive outlook on life I have is crushed underneath the weight, the sheer gravity of our waking reality. This moment, is all there is. Time is meaningless, as is mathematics. These are nothing more than arbitrary measurements we use to quantify absolutely nothing, fleeting happiness in incoherent vortex of human brutality. Yeah, yeah get a goal, get motivated, work hard, work until your hands and calloused and bleeding, that’s the real treat, […]
2 years ago I took the medication propecia for 9 days. My life has never been the same. These last two years my life has been a living hell. I have so many problems now. I am impotent, fat, severely depressed, fatigue, muscle loss, brainfog, dry skin, weakness. Also my face looks aged now 10 yrs! I try to get on zoloft but the sexual sides are unbearable. My body barely tolerates psychiatric medicine now. I feel trapped. I really dont want life to be over because im only 25 yrs old. But im getting worse not better. And there are hundreds of other men […]
Still angry at myself for going back on my promise of no water. I’m going to probably what’s seemingly rambling but I need to get things off my chest. I got a message asking me about medications. I’ve been doing medications since I was in my early teens and NONE of them have helped they just leave me walking around like a zombie. Its amazing how many people can use the word “unstable” towards someone and not realize how much that word can hurt. Truthfully, YOU never knew of my bi-polar disorder, why? because I”M FUCKING ASHAMED of it. Then people use that word that […]
I wish someone, something would kill me immediately.
Alas, no one cares enough to do that. Â It is nice that no one cares to pretend, but that would be the clincher. Â If no one will let you escape pain, they’d rather have you suffer for their own sake, they don’t truly care. Â They cannot truly care.
I don’t want to hear about plans or whatever God has to say. Â None of it matters in the slightest.
Here I lay
On the floor.
Here I stay
Within a door.
Here I lie
In the silence.
Here I die
In the darkness.
Here I scream
My voice piercing.
Here I dream
My mind wandering.
Here I talk
Nothing to say.
Here I walk
Nowhere to go.
Here I call
None will listen.
Here I fall
None will hear.
If you cut you get tagged as an emo. If you burn you get tagged as a hero. We want to die but do not want to harm others. We are sad, angry at our own lives for we feel useless and empty. Even so, learn what I have learnt: Life is what YOU make of it, not what others expect you to make of it. You lack motivation? Then take a break and look for it. You failed a semester or two? That’s fine, retake them. You yourself cause yourself NO stress, it is those around us who pressure us into thinking that what […]