Today I had to see the doctor. He upped my medication. I went about my errands ignoring the everyday,past and future stresses that plague my mind, constant racing to be on work on time, get paid this week, please my loved one and not crash and burn. The bustle on the other hand gives my life substance but I feel a balance will fall askew. My job in sales gives me a certain social interaction I have craved in my life but it has also shown me the harsh truth about human kind and their mindset. People and their brains are easily manipulated and like […]
Tag:
normal
I am 15 and unfortunately a depressed and frustrated girl. I never had a normal life. I had all kinds of bitter experiences uptil now. My life lacks one thing the most ‘LOVE’ …I wish someone special would be there in my life who would magically fix everything up and would love and care for me so much that i wont feel depressed anymore.
Suicide.
A word whispered in our home on and off over the past 30 years. I attempted suicide when I was 17 and almost succeeded. I went on to ‘be normal’ with threats of ECT and other drugs. So I tried to act as ‘normal’ as one possibly could with the childhood I had. I watched my mother be beaten to a bloody pulp, moved so many times I lost count, was molested and have never felt like I ‘belonged’. Eventually I started going to church which helped a lot and the panic attacks subsided and I went on to earn a […]
I can’t get help, and it’s going to kill me.
Being transgender, a lot of my normal life, when I’m not suicidal, depends on my ability to get medical treatment- much of which involves therapists asking me, time and time again, if I’ve had any intentions of hurting myself in recent times. I really need to talk about it. I want to get help. But I know that if I say anything, I could end up far more depressed, and being denied treatment I desperately need.
I am kind of in a constant state of being suicidal- it never really goes away. I can be at my […]
I have an amazing beautifal sweet caring loving girl. She’s psychologically sound and cant understand my plight. As i was doing so good for a while. I had a job making 32 bucks an hour 64 on weekends and i threw it all away for no other reason then i didnt like it and hated the boss. I sometimes wonder if having a girl who’s been where im at would be any different? One who understands me. From experiance. Like we could help each other . My girl is too normal as wierd as that sounds and i feel like shit sayin it
i’m only sixteen. what the hell is wrong with me? honestly.
am i suppose to be happy? or at least the slightest bit content? everybody else seems to be. but perhaps that’s because they spend their time making fun of me. i can’t make friends, it’s hard for me. and if i do make “friends” they outcast me and make me feel bad and different. it’s like they’re only my friend so they can make fun of me really and make themselves feel better. my parents don’t believe me when i say i don’t have many friends. i think they’re In denial.
they don’t even believe […]
The thing that i hate about therapy is that every time you walk in the first thing they ask you is “how do you feel today?” and honestly when my therapist asks me that question i can never find the answer to it. I do not know how i feel, i am left speechless from such a simple question. Every time they tell me there is something wrong with me, i feel like i am an outcast, being left out from many things because of my depression, taking two different kinds of pills just so i can be normal? What is that? Taking pills to […]
Ive been in this bed for almost a year. I cant seem to make myself go outside and be a normal person and have a life. Almost every day I think about killing myself since i am a burden to my family and boyfriend. I am unmotivated and have social anxiety i dont know what to do with my life or even know where to start. The George Washington bridge all ways seems to be calling to me and the only thing that keeps me from going over the edge is the fear of what if i survive and making everyone i care about sad. […]
There’s a line graph I’m looking at. It’s running in a web page. This line represents an experiment I did where I had an app ask me six times a day how I felt on a scale from 0 to 100. Roughly a month ago I hit zero for the first time and I’m looking at all these other sections of the line because there’s surely a pattern in here somewhere.. I finally caught it! I caught one of my suicidal thoughts in its most raw and natural forms with tons of preceding data.
I really didn’t know what to make of all this data. […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Yiruma-Moon-Light.mp3
I’m tired. I’m just tired.
I’m tired of food. I’m tired of television. I’m tired of work. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of going outside. . I’m tired.
Anytime someone asks how I am, my answer isn’t “I’m fine”
The answer is “I’m tired”
I’ve lost any shred of hope that I might of had. And I don’t see the point.
And the funny thing? I’m tired…but I can’t sleep.
I guess I’m not physically tired. I’m mentally and emotionally tired.
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I don’t feel like going anywhere. I don’t feel like talking.
I seriously […]
I wonder if the structure of “modern” psychiatric institutions differed from actuality would we have so much strife… what is normal what is abnormal
would people be stuck in jobs that they hate, in bodies that they hate… equating body to buildings, buildings to religion… once I was a wanderer, coming off of forcefully ingested psychiatric medication, not wishing to pollute the earth with a vehicle I walked across town in 100 degree weather and needed a drink of water. Pressed a button on a church’s intercom to ask if they had a water fountain. They said no. Which is a lie, but Christians aren’t supposed […]
It’s all too fucking much for me…I seem to fail at everything.
I failed in school and high school
I’ve failed in love
I’ve failed at sports
I’ve failed to achieve a normal social life
I’ve failed to continue my musical career because of being a pathetic,self-hating idiot
I’ve failed as a son
I’m only a financial burden on my family,who’s still keeping my useless ass in high school,and for what?I’ll just end up working at a McDonalds for minimum salary and spend all my money on drugs.I know I’ll just disappoint them,like I do with everyone…
I disappointed them when they found out about my mental problems…They wanted a normal son,not this […]
Hey guys. My “story” isn’t nearly as traumatizing as any of yours, and I almost feel as though I’m wasting your time, so I apologize.
I was a fairly normal kid, or whatever normal is supposed to be. I had a best friend, someone who loved me, tons of persons to talk to (yes, that is the grammatically correct way to address them). Or at least I thought I did.
See, I’ve always had moments of sadness. Just “off” days. I would wake to see rain and heavy skies when it was sunshine for everyone else. It wasn’t until November of 2012 that I had a “reason”. […]
her name is called Love. She made me  feel normal and warm. Her son was called Hope. Love and Hope are gone. Cold black death made me evil and made me betray them. I am evil, i deserve to die, but death saves me for later. I cant cope. Life is a lie. please death,that made me evil, come kill me quick. (im going to probably kill myself soon). PS. i am not a nice person.
So Shakinbakin and I have decided to work on an EP together – we have a couple of pieces being produced at the moment – this is one of them. Obviously this is before the music magic happens, but thought that there might be some poetry fans that could appreciate it raw.
As always, for the benefit of those that have troubles with an Australian accent, the poem is below.
The Point
I’ve developed an overwhelming hatred of sobriety
When I’m fucked up is the only time I don’t hate myself entirely
Isaac Newton said that what goes up, must come down
So the higher you get, the […]
I’ve realized I’m no good my family hates me my grandpa doesn’t like me my uncle always fucks with me and makes me feel worse as for why this impacts me so deeply is I have no father all mine is happens to be a pill popper and can barley sustain himself for two minutes without going into a fit of rage. My grandpa has always thought lower of me and never did like me at times it really shows for example, he always goes on about how I’m soo dumb or how I never change when I try when he sits on his fucking […]
I prayed for normal
Oh, how I prayed.
I was so young, and didn’t know that those didn’t actually work.
Given too much too young,
you can’t help.
I wish that this was simple enough for you to understand.
I wish that what I’ve already told you was it. Wouldn’t that be nice?
But there’s more, there’s so much more underneath my skin and on those cuts
I prayed for normal.
ive been in care from a year old. throughout my childhood it was a never ending stream of social workers, supervised access visits and confusion.my foster parents threw me out when I was 12 as apparently they couldn’t cope with me – I was swearing, smoking a little and being generally grim (normal teenager but whatever) from there was the downfall, or maybe that started when I was born who knows. I lived with 2 other fosters carers after that (1 of which sexually abused me) and I left care when I was 15 to get away from all the nightmares.from then my real mum […]
Let me ask a stupid question again. So I am taking part in this research study on how sports activity affects depressed people. We are 5 participants and 4 jogging instructors, but it was only the first meeting, so apparently more people will join in later. Anyways, some of you may know I am shy. And I was running next to a girl for the first 10 minutes and we said nothing, it was really awkward. Eventually she just jogged past me and started talking to another girl and I ended up talking to another computer science student about technical stuff. It really bothers me […]
Today’s goal—-act normal, and maybe I’ll feel normal. Robot mode. Tell the doctor everything that’s really wrong, with the straightest face.
I had a dream last night I got sent back to the hospital. It was even more decrepit and bare then the real life one.
No wonder I can’t sleep. If it’s images of the disgusting things that’ve happened it’s images of guns and using them.
But, no, I have to act normal today. Distractions are futile, but I’ll be a robot.