I find myself feeling numb. Sometimes a spark of happinesss comes in, or a glimmer of hope, or moments of excrutiatingly painful, lonely, sadness. I feel as if I don’t want to end my life, but I’d like too end the pain, sorrow, and for once, I’d like too feel again. In a good way.
Tag:
Numb
I finally figured out what it is. He completely invalidated my feelings. The love I’ve felt for him or anyone else, he writes off as stupid or crazy. So my feelings aren’t real to others and therefore don’t matter. Apparently you can stomp all over my ‘feelings’ and it won’t hurt me because I don’t really have any true, honest, normal and rational feelings like everybody else. That just invalidates my entire LIFE because I’ve known what I wanted out of life since I was 5. My death truly won’t matter.
The last few years of my life I havent really been able to feel any form of emotion to anything. All I feel is just a numbing kind of sense. I have a loving family, a great group of friends and an amazing girlfriend that I know loves me… But I just can’t seem to feel anything back… Its almost like I’m just watching my life go by with somebody else in control… I want to be able to be loving back to them all but the only thing I ever have on my mind now is death, like I’m just waiting for something to […]
I’ve always been a sad person. Recently I thought I had finally found happiness and then out of nowhere he left me. I hate feeling so petty. The man I love left me. So what. It happens every day. Yet I have never felt more sad. I feel like a turtle that is on its back and can’t turn myself back. I finally let myself be myself and he left. One day we were fine and then the next we weren’t. The wind has been knocked out of me. I wish I could understand. I wish I could breath. I wish, I wish , I […]
Cant sleep. cant relax. Wanting to end all this. Wanting to get rid of the pressure in my head .Wanting to rid of the swirling feelings of not being wanted, not being needed. Wanting to close my eyes and not wake up. Knowing that it is not the way. At this moment it feels, “for what?” The girl that owns my heart, given my soul, and given my body is close in proximity but does not allow me to love her. She tells me things about me that I don’t agree with, like i want to control her; I just want to grow old with […]
Is it better to feel everything at once or nothing at all I’m numb one minute then I feel everything the next the cycle repeast
Its been a week since I’ve quit my job. My family is struggling to survive as is and yet here I am, at home for the past three days. I haven’t gone out and I haven’t even changed clothes. I feel like I’m wasting the data on my phone but I’m sure it will be cut sometime in the next few days anyway.
I managed to make everyone that mattered at work hate me. I guess partially it was my fault, partially it was Eva’s fault. She came out of nowhere a month ago and befriended my two good friends as well as took my […]
I despise what I am. I have broken laws just to feel pleasure. I have cut just to feel pain. I am numb, I wasn’t always like this but like many events it came with a revelation. I have no friends. They are not there for me even though I’m there for them. I can’t cry I’ve tried many times to make myself, though I just can’t. All people see is my smile. They don’t see me for what I truly am. Numb
No energy. No will. So tired. All the things I used to enjoy seem just a faded memory. Over the last two years, I’ve isolated myself and withdrawn from anyone I cared about and who cared about me. I’ve no one to tell, that I want to burden. They shouldn’t have to put up with a middle-aged knob who’s quit living. I can’t tell my dad, as it would be the crowing achievement as a failure in his eyes. My sister and I aren’t close. To her I’ve always been selfish and irresponsible. My best friend…more like a brother really, I’d just be ashamed to […]
Tonight has an especially numb feeling. I can’t even cry anymore;I just want this world to end. I feel it should be optional to take your own life if you have no desire to fulfill it. The only question is… How?
How can I feel so numb from everything an everyone yet still be in so much pain. So much. I just want out, I’m honestly tryna make it work but then I wake up in the morning and it all repeats. At least I’ve still got my plan, I hope I wont need it but I know I will.
I’m numb. I don’t know where to go from where I am right now. My life has never been better, yet it seems to be falling in on itself. I have a supportive family, yet their efforts can’t fix this emptiness. Depression can be remedied. I am detached from this life.
I sleep most of the day, because in my dreams I feel. Once I’m awake I’m dead inside. Nothing is worth the effort when there’s no reward. I know my mind is sick. I have an autoimmune disease against my spirit. I hate myself for being able to see it, yet do nothing about it. […]
Wow. I dont care what anyone thinks anymore fuck em… I mean. I feel mor numb then ever, but nothing hurts me ether, I supper with my self harm addiction this could be troublesome later… But you know what. I don’t care if I slit my wrists and blead out at all. As I said I just don’t care. I mean Is this really so bad, is suicide even such a bad thing, what dose my dieng entail for anyone else….
Nothing really matters to me anymore. If you need a listening ear, I’ll be there for you. If you told me something funny, I’ll smile and even crack a joke back. If you cried, I’ll offer you my shoulder and spend all my time comforting you till you feel alright. And then I’ll feel really numb, I don’t really know how to describe it, but I don’t feel happy anymore. It hurts to laugh and smile sometimes, when I just honestly want to curl up in a corner. I think I’m just being insecure, but all these thoughts will rush into my head, and I’m […]
My numbness takes me over,
Moving me as it likes.
Today it took my razor,
And quickly began to slice.
With blood rolling down my arms,
All I could do is cry.
Cry, cry, and cry some more.
Slowly collapsing onto my bathroom floor.
I begin to question the fact that Iexsit.
Why wass I placed on this Earth, if this the life I must live?
My numbness again takes over
Grabbing a bottle of pills.
It shoves them down my throat,
One pill at time.
I once again collapse,
Crying a little less.
Then, a smile speads across my face knowing I’ll soon be dead.
I wrote this a long time ago, in my teens when I was first coming to terms with my depression and feeling suicidal. This was one of the many many poems I wrote going through a really bad time. Thought some of you might relate or have at some point.
I can’t bare to go on much longer
These suicidal feelings continue to grow stronger
The only escape is in my sleep
I’ve dug this whole and now I’m in to deep
Don’t act like you know how I feel
For you see this life of mine is surreal
Still praying you hear my desolate […]
Since when did life become working 5 or 6 days a week. Sitting in traffic an hour each way mind you. Despite living less than 15 minutes away from work, it takes a miracle to get home in under an hour most days. All that just to barely make a descent income, to support myself, pay bills, and whatever is left that the government doesn’t take from me I save some and spend the rest on gas and groceries. It’s like an endless cycle. There’s no denying I’m depressed and in need of serious help. And I’m not talking about the help that comes in […]
The worst battles we face are the ones hidden within us. Â Merely living becomes one giant lie – one giant chore. Â Going on in life and following Routine becomes the norm, but nobody sees the truth. Â Nobody sees that you’re on the edge, you’re breaking down.
And when you do finally let it out, you break down to someone – They don’t care, they only use it against you. Â People look down on you, they call you crazy – when all you need is somebody to tell you that they care.
My entire life has been one big mess. When I was a kid, I wanted to […]
Numb. Tears. Fear. Loss. Alone. Him. Gone. Stupid. Black&White. Sound. Betrayal. Silence. Eyes. Looks. Words. Judgements. Ache. Need. Dreams. Darkness. Where. Why. Please. Him. Him. Him, him, him, him, him, him, him…
I don’t feel like anything if that makes sense. I feel like I’m empty and I been thinking to much. I’m not in love anymore. And I dontnthink no ever will be I sit there and think about the people I’m suppose to love and I feel nothing. I don’t feel anything. I haven’t even cried and my mom just died. Should I? Why do I feel like I have no feelings anymore..?