I’m a twenty two year old girl, no I am not a lesbian, nor am I bi-sexual. I am however trapped in the closet. My plastic bag over the head method failed me for the last time. I couldn’t control my body from ripping out of the handcuffs and ripping the bag off of my face. Sheer willpower wasn’t cutting it.
So, I’m trapped in the closet. Its a tiny closet that I’ve locked myself inside and am hoping to pass away in. If I’m lucky I won’t be awakened to my sad life in the morning. If I’m lucky this small, tight limited oxygenated […]
Tag:
old
Tell me about a good place.
A place where I can be me
The weird, crazy me
The one with red stained hair
But my days seem to blend
Wake up, get out of bed.
look at myself in the mirror again.
Hate myself, love myself I don’t know what to do.
Get dressed, put on a mask.
Smile, and pretend
Wanting my world to end.
why can’t these people see?
I’m not the me I want to be
People speak, words that bring me down.
But it’s just another day.
Another day of feeling hated.
Another day of the same old, same old.
Why can’t […]
Hello I am a 19 year old girl and feel so terribly scared. I am currently in a clinic. I am no longer with my family because they abused me. I just wanna die. I feel so terribly alone. Every second, every minute, all I ever see is fear and feel pain. The people here in the clinic are nice but I feel like they don’t understand me. Besides they don’t seem to know how to deal with me. I have panick attacks all the time and my body jerks whilst I remember horrible memories in my head which I just can’t turn off. My […]
It’s so horrible that I feel like I want to die every day! Like, why me? Why do I deserve to feel this way?! It all started when I was 13, started cutting, burning myself and suicide attempts… But when I was 15 it got so much worse! I had to deal with my 21 years old boyfriend at the time (we were together 10 months) Raping me, hitting me, making me do things that I didn’t want to do, stopping me talking to my friends and begging me to cut myself because he liked the look of it.. Because of him I tried to […]
I am a 58 yr old woman with chronic late stage lymes disease. Â I am in pain, sick, hopeless, just can’t fight anymore. Â I’ve had this disease for 40 yrs. Â I want desperately to die. Can you still get nambutal in Mexico ?
Having a new kid in the house has been hard. Already had a 2 year old and now a 16 month old…. Its enough to make you feel like you are losing it. Went from working 50+ hours a week to now a strict 36 hours. Working on interviews for a 2nd job. Have been off my medication for 2 weeks now, not because I was trying to quit them but because I’ve simply been too busy and lazy to deal with refilling them. Not sure it was a great idea to avoid getting them refilled but hopefully it doesn’t set me back too far. […]
Hello, I’m new here. I have stumbled upon this site before while doing research for my own sad suicidal thoughts. Â I’m 24 years old and I am a wife, mother of two, and full time college student. Â My life has been a constant uphill battle against depression, which started when my father took his life when I was 11 years old. Â Sometimes I feel so alone in this world and I just want to disappear. Â I wish there was a place where I could just be numb and have no feeling at all. Â I started attempting suicide in my teenage years by cutting myself and […]
Brief History: I am a 24 year old male. I have had Major Depressive Disorder since a very young age. I began to have suicidal thoughts around the age of eight years old. At first it scarred me because my life seemed to be perfect. I was adopted into a loving caring wealthily family who supported me in every way. as time went on I saw numerous therapists, and continued to go to school. I was miserable but still had some hope that it would turn around. I had friends and was playing varsity sports and seemed on the outside to be fine. even made […]
shall I do it soon or later? will you miss me when I’m gone or will you be pleased? tell me before its too late, I don’t get it no more will you build me up just to break me again like the old times? Am I a play thing to you because I’m your daughter I’m not like the others I’m different then her just because I grew up idolising her doesn’t mean i am her, it doesn’t mean I will be her it just means I looked up to her courage. I’m my own person now I’ve grew up a lot I’m not […]
when that feeling of when your 14 years old and your mother speaks about you to everyone but in the most hatered way as if shes helping saying that it would be better if i was back in care well ya know what mother why the fuck did you allow me back in your house when you know im different then the others in our family when i need your support but you just tell your friends and family im incampable of even looking after my self, so what i have a boyfriend and i dont wanna stay on this shitty holiday because your always […]
I was on my way home from a rehearsal on Saturday evening. I wasn’t having a particularly bad day but it wasn’t great either. I don’t know why, but I just became overwhelmed with feelings and all the shit that’s been going on lately. I hate it when this happens. I’ll be completely fine one second and then the next I’m bawling my eyes out or I’m so angry that I start hitting things or myself. i don’t understand why this happens. it’s scary because I was literally standing on the platform at the train station waiting for the train to come so I could […]
I’m sorry about all the things I did in my “youth”. I made the stupid decision to push you away back when SP chat was so popular. I made a stupid comment saying I committed a grotesque thing that meant I would get banned from that community and sort of shunned. It was for the better, although only because I was on the chat for far too long. I bet it’s either dead now or only 2 or three people left on there.
I can’t think of all the names of my old friends of whom I miss dearly, but yet somewhere in my mind your […]
Cold blue steel
Pressed to my temple
I tremble some
this trigger has always been light
No tears will spill
for me, not for me
only anger for the mess
I will leave
A half-century of life
like trash in the wind
leaves me so angry
– that my old man didn’t jack off in the sink
Isn’t it fun when you see someone you used to know, get a glimpse of how successful and fruitful their life has been, and meanwhile the only thing you can hope to do is die.
Because you’re such a fucking failure and your life is nonexistent, all you can hope to do is die.
Some spark of the old competition flares up in you, but it’s silly because you fail so hard at life.
I realized deeply that I have no chance. Every aspect of my life is too damaged to keep pushing. Sometimes you just have to accept things, however painful it might be to accept that life has to end. I spoke to an old friend on the phone last week, someone I haven’t spoken to for over a year. She was my surrogate mother when I was 17, when I lived away from home. She will be 70 this year. She said she will call me again. She told me she loved me when we said goodbye. I know that I don’t have to speak to […]
I want to cut, I want to cut, cut, cut, cut, blood, drip, drop, razor, sharp, blade – My therapist needs to be on call right now, and he needs to stop being a prick. Â Anyways, you probably think I am another whiney teenager… Â Nope I am a bitchy 30 year old nasty **** whore. Â I keep thinking the best way to rid the world of my filth is to jump off that bridge. Â BUT I have done that once and survived injured but alive and pissed off. Â I could just use some words of wisdom or hilarious stupidity right now. Â THANK YOU
My father just called me a worthless piece of crap, and it’s my fault. My 8 year old brother is on the couch bored and helpless, and it’s my fault. My mother is barley making it through the day, and it’s my fault. I’m a miserable little fuck, and IT’S MY FAULT.
i havent been on this website for months. 9 to be exact. i remembereed my login, and read through all my old posts and realise i am feeling absolutely no different than i did before.
i may even feel worse.
this is so horrible and there is no one around me to listen to me . they are all getting on with their happy lives and i feel like my feet are glued stuck.
there is no one for me to go and there is no way of expressing myself that is satisfying. not even cutting can make me feel better anymore.
Thank you to the people who give me advice,, here on this site,, you have no idea how many times it has acted as some kind of wake up call,, but I think I should mention that I don’t reply because I don’t want to turn this into a facebook type feel,,, that probably wont make any sense to anyone but anyways… thank you- you know who you are…
Change starts from me and then we go from there,,, but what do you do when you keep relapsing into the old “suicide is the answer” routine,, its one that I seem to fall into quite easily,, […]
“What’s on your mind” what a way to greet someone a suicide blog haha.. I don’t really know what to write in this as I’m new so.. I guess I’ll start out by saying hi. my name is Kay (well that’s my nickname I want to stay anonymous just in case haha) Jesus I sound really happy or something when I’m writing this but I’m the complete opposite to happy which is what has led to me to this website. I’m an ordinary 17 year old from Ireland but I just have a lot on my mind. Right now I’m not in a good place. […]