I have been having anxiety attacks since I was six years old. When I was 12 I had my first episode of major depression and at 13 made my first plan to kill myself. At 16 I was diagnosed with clinical depression and at 19 I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. Around the age of 30 I had clinical anxiety added to my diagnosis of long term depression. Now I’m nearly 40 and the pain never ends. Sometimes it recedes enough that I can laugh but I’m never really happy. The latest episode of major depression started four months […]
Tag:
Peace
the title is kind of self explanatory you all have something to live for let the time come and soon you will be a t peace with yourself don’t end it on a dime its the one regret you will not be able to fix .
Let me just begin by saying that i have contemplated suicide many times in my life time, mostly during my adolescence, but just recently also. I have been observing this page for a few days, and have been reading all of your posts.
I happened to stumble upon this article while searching near death experiences, and was amazed and humbled by the words so much that i began to cry. (not from sadness, but from the pure warmth of peace) I hope this brings you peace, and if not peace, a better understanding on why you are here now, and why we all MUST suffer sometimes… […]
Some of you know me as CL on ******. I got everything I need now to exit this world. Well, unless I get stopped that is or chicken out. All I have to say is that if you dont hear back from me in the next few days to a week then I’m either in Hospital or gone for good. I wish you all a fond farewell. You think I might be crying or something when I’m typing this but I have no emotion in me what so ever. Just need to write some notes now. Peace xxx
Every day its the same thing, like a movie over and over.
seriously what is the point in living like this?i mean i try and live life but even when ime happy i still feel the negetive thoughts destroying my social life,i want to die asap and i have the courage to do so its just i cant leave my mother on her own it will break her if i die,but theres no way i want to live anymore would it be fair to leave family in a mess just to be at peace or isit worth living in hell just so your family dont loose you even tho your a faliure. i dont no […]
So as it turns out one of my closest friends is gay. He came out about 4 days ago and we were all shocked because he has had more GF’s than me in the past. We didn’t really know what to say, we couldn’t really say much since he just text us this.
We all met up the other night and it was the first real test to see if things were going to be different just because he was gay.  I like to think we are an open minded bunch, and I also liked to think that I am not prejudiced against anyone for any reason. But you never really know if your comfortable […]
My neck still hurts
The mark is still there
The belt that I used
Is laying on the chair
The handle is broken
Ripped from the door
Determined to prolong
This unnecessary war
So close was my peace
So close was my end
But this life-saving handle
Played the part of a friend
A brush with death
To sober my mind
Ending all misconceptions
Of what I would find
I anxiously awaited
The slow fade to black
As the darkness engulfed me
It was too late to go back
But now I hold this piece of metal
Unsure of what to say
Thankless for what transpired
I didn’t want another day
So what is the purpose
I am heading out for a night on the town, I am so nervous.
Wish me luck.
I hope your all doing well.
Peace
Ruins
Do you live in circles too? Maybe squares or smth?
I live in little, tiny suicide circles. Soon enough everything comes back to it. And I’ve even found a decent way to do it, with pills that simply make your heart stop, if overdosed. It seems so unbelievably simple. I understand that it wouldn’t be painless  etc, but the fact of death – the possibility of dying to my damaged brain seems like a miracle, something magical.
There’s nothing for me here. I’m really ugly and not the only one who thinks that way, so it’s not my imagination. And, as you know, beauty in this world […]
I’ve noticed that when you’re on the edge, the littlest things can set you off. The tiniest little issue gets your blood boiling. Makes you wanna disappear or kill yourself and occasionally makes you want to kill other people. Perhaps I’m just a really angry person and I just wanna be alone. Maybe I just want peace and quiet.
you see that bird? black as night. flying flying high in the sky. You see it? that was me soaring above living my dream. once trapped living like a rock rooted to the ground. but then i leaked out red and started to float around. Did you see that tear? that was me im standing by you giving you peace. I am your guardian you’ve nothing to fear. I let you know when your end is near. I am your coscience telling you “go” it’s time to leave. You feel it? that prescence? that is me, I give you slumber let you rest eternally. You […]
I’m having a difficult time caring about anything anymore. Im angry at everything and want weed all the time just to sit and not give a fuck everytime i get smoke i make the mistake of sharing and then the fucks dont get me back so im always pissed at people and myself for that matter i have noone to trust and have no family and i still live right by them in the same city i did nothing wrong they just hate me for no fucking reason other than to not give a fuck about me i havent been this suicidal in a long […]
Hello SP
I have returned to post this video I encountered an hour ago. It made me think of some of the people on here we deal with weight issues. You are perfect the way you are, don’t let the world change you. you don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Some people crave the approval of others, this is bad for you and your mental health. I hope that someday soon you will be free.
I know I cant really understand how people really feel, so feel free to tell me to go fuck myself. Â I am doing the only thing I can think of to help.
Peace
ILU Ruins
Everyday all I want to is cry. Nothing has every really worked out for me. My mother has gotten breast cancer twice and my brother is stuck with a chronic disease for the rest of his life. I can’t trust anyone because they are all judgemental fucks especially church, the one place you would expect to feel free and even there there is no peace. Only a bunch of hypocrites. I can’t talk to anyone that’s why I’m writing here, I can’t tell anyone how I feel in person I just seem to burden them. I tried to overdose on pills but it did nothing, […]
Now I know every one who has ever killed himself or herself never had a good reason to do so (according to others). Still they do….. and will go on taking their own life, rejecting this wonderful gift given by God. Maybe to some this gift is not at all a gift. I don’t see it as a gift. For me life had always been a burden. Humanity is not like a Jane Austin book. It is at most times stark ugly and cruel. There are no happy endings in life just some good stuff followed by a lot of  bad stuff, then a good […]
Hello SP
This is by far one of the oddest things I have ever been asked to do. But here goes.
Some of you may remember me from a few years ago. My wife died in childbirth and my daughter of leukemia. I was angry at the world and god. I tried to kill myself. I meet someone here who saved my life. He talked me down from my darkest hour and we became good friends. He too knew grief, we were bonded by pain.
I was diagnosed with cancer this year, I almost didn’t get the treatment, but he convinced me to change my mind. I am now in remission. He has saved […]
Now I just wish I could follow through with it. I’ve got the scalpel. Just one quick slash to the throat, 2 minutes and it’s over. All over. Peace. it’s all I want. Why is it so hard? It can’t be that painful….
My edges are stained red
While my very being is hollow
My dead eyes stare at sheets of chaos
And I wonder if I will see tomorrow
I enjoy the darkness
The quiet, the peace
Pain is the only thing
Of which I can truly control the release
I wonder, I ponder
Is my outlook obscure?
If it is so,
How can I be cured?
Do they see the marks
Left by harsh hands?
Do they see the tears
That never descend?
Do they see the bruises
From all the past drums,
The beats they inscribed
As my body […]
another day and i feel just as worse as the day before.
i got up this morning and it took me like 5 minutes to realise where i am, who i am and take in my surroundings.
and when i finally do realise who i am and stuff i feel instantly like shit. Like completely empty. Like im walking around doing nothing.
My mind drifts towards the peace i might find if i leave this horrible world. i think about and i chicken out of it the more i think about it.
i love sleeping so much becuase it’s like being dead.
i know people might call me a lunatic […]