i made paper cut outs today. i laminated them afterwards, and went to cut off the excess plastic. i was in the middle of carefully cutting around the paper, when the overwhelming urge to cut up all of my hair, my skin, and my clothes came over me. nothing triggered it. just an intrusive thought. why do they have to happen, though? my mind is already so cluttered, why does my brain create more mess for me to wade through? i’ve avoided cooking for a very long time because of it.. i can’t even dice vegetables without an intrusive thought telling me to stab myself […]
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Personal
Recently, I got called into the psychologist’s office at my high school for a consultation. One of my teachers told me that she’d been watching over me for two and a half years (I’m halfway through my third year of high school, seventeen and a half years old) and directed me to the office.
I initially had trouble opening up; mostly because of the shock I experienced when I got asked whether there was something wrong. It felt like lightning struck me on a clear sunny day. I was silent and awkward and smiley the first few times. In the past three years, I’ve never shown any […]
Before you convince yourself that now is the time to leave this world and enter a whole new dimension of an unknown abyss, ask yourself these questions. (and feel free to answer them yourself in the comments):
What makes it so hard for you to stay?
What do you view suicide as?
How would you commit suicide?
On average, 6 people are intimately affected by the suicide of a friend, family member, etc.
Who do you think would miss you the most? (Can be more or less than 6 people.)
Why would those people miss you so much?
What is your favorite thing about your everyday life?
What are some […]
I made a bunch of amazing friends my freshman year, i finally felt loved and excepted by these amazing people. I was surrounded by love, art, understanding, and passion. School ended i said my goodbyes and had to go home knowing i would not return to them in the fall. Summer went on and i was alone in a new city with only my brother and mom to keep me company; but that wasnt so terrible; one of my friends lives 40 mins away so id see her maybe once a week or a few days every other week; plus my best friend frmo school […]
I don’t really know where to start off. This is my first post so please don’t criticize me or anything.
Okay. So ever since I was a little kid, I mean little like 3, I’ve been terribly anxious. Anxious about anything and everything. And I don’t really have a reason, I just am. I’ve never really liked who I am, appearance, personality, etc. And in 5th grade I would constantly get made fun of and I just hated going to school. And then in 6th grade, I hated myself. I hated how I looked and I hated that other people were so much better.. So I […]
Four years old; bright, energetic, smart. Completely unaware of his sister’s depression. “She had a fight with Captain Hook.†he says, pointing to her wrist while talking midst his friends.
Nineteen years old; musician, smart, engaged. Fully aware of the side effects of her new medication. “They’re not working, they’re making it worse.†She tells her therapist.
Two weeks later, he runs to her room, excited to tell her about his day at school. But… her door was shut. It was never shut. He opens the door; she’s dangling from a rope, her face contorted. “Sissy, sissy, wake up!†He starts […]
Do you remember when you were a child
And you thought
that when you become a teenager
when you become older
you would party every night
until 4am
It’s quiet ironic
because little did you know
that at 4am
you’d be hysterically crying
debating on weather to take your life
or not
Slit your hips where no one can see
Your good girl image has a reputation to keep
Close the door and let it go
Do it quick so no one will know
Rush of adrenaline as blood spills
Thrill so deep it gives you chills
Blood whispers words you can’t tell
Because if you did they’d give you hell
Clean it up and cover the proof
No one deserves to know the truth
Scars fade and leave a memory
And recent events give you agony
So cut a little deeper
Bleed a little harder
Kiss your beautiful perfect blade
And find a place for her to hide away
Bring it out when you’re scared or lonely
Til then…
Put on a fake smile […]
I threw everything into the river, everything that represents him. A gift for valentines day he gave me, a bracelet, a love not, a comb he left at my place, only little things which I still had. They had to go. I went, I threw them one by one, banishing the memories that they were bound too. Then the last thing, the box.
I call it the box to those who actually care, that know about it. The box is about 20cm by 7cm by 5cm, small, brown, smells of worn perfume and nights out. Inside, 4 blood soaked tissues, a pair of scissors, a suicide […]
 i don’t know why i came to this site. i’m not actually reaching out for help. After comming here and reading a few of the postings though i couldn’t help but share.
 About 10 months ago i started having problems at work. my job was as a vendor for a rather large well known company, which serves grocery stores, restaraunts, ect. (please pardon my lack of proper spelling and grammer) The company required us to write shift notes for the weekend person covering our shift so i had complete documentation of everything our customer, the company itself, and/or i needed done. Over the course […]
Read this sentence, then close your eyes, take a deep breath and relax……Don’t worry. You are highly intelligent and as long as you stay focused on what you want to do and how you want to live, you will find a way to accomplish these things. You have a tendency to worry more than you need. I’m sure everything will be different and disorienting at first, but you’ll be back to your personal routine in no time. I am always here 919 381 2658. I don’t want you to risk contacting me anymore than is necessary, but know that I am always here and nothing […]
What a watchful eye. Not a moment is there just for myself.
Those who I confide in my outer most opinion know nothing of my inner pain or what I really think. Those who I have believe I can share this with are no longer the high points of my life. I’m too personal, well I would if anyone took the interest. No one wants the opinion of a 16 year old with all the gadgets and a loving girlfriend. He has the life, what’s to complain about. IM ALONE! I’m fucking alone damnit! What do you care? You don’t! Bu still I will listen […]
You won’t EVER understand until you’ve been through what I have.
by Aitsjennifer
written by Aitsjennifer
You don’t know anything about me.
You don’t have the right to judge someone when you have no idea what they go through. Every. Single. Day.
Been molested, raped, bullied, punched, slapped, used, burned, cut, and beaten til blood dripped down my cheeks and elbow.
You have no right to call me a *****, whore, slut, skank, hoe, chink, etc
Every word you used on me I added a new scar on my wrist.
Been to the hospital waking up in shame wishing I wouldn’t hear another insult.
Being called an stupid dumb idiot for committing suicide. For not wanting to hear anymore hurtful words. […]
The thought occur when I was in third grade.
How many attempts I’ve made?
Lets just say I started when I was in Fourth Grade.
Every attempt, I had to suffer a big amount of pain. Surviving every false action.
At night is when thoughts unleash itself.
Small thoughts that turn into terrifying images that keep playing in your head.
Like a movie. A movie of all your mistakes, all your insecurities, and all your fears, mocking you.
You wish you could bury all those thoughts so they wont come back into your mind.
You lay there and cry. Your eyes then become worn-out from your tears. And you have that urge to pull out that razor.
As days pass, I sit in silence.
I cant remember the last time I was actually happy.
I doubt everything and everyone.
I wonder when my ending point is. All I ever wanted was to live a normal life, to be happy, simple as that. Hurting myself more and more everyday wishing today, today I will make that false move and end EVERYTHING right here at this moment.
Suicide plagues my mind every day and I feel like i’m going insane.
I write you letters in my head to help my weary self. I miss you and I’ve become as cynical as ever because of the thought of you. How should I end our tragic love affair?