Mom, dad. You two have hurt me so much that I can’t feel anything anymore. From a young age, you beat all the emotion out of me, to the point where I can’t even tell if I’m happy or sad anymore. Mom, dad, from this day on, you’re dead to me.
Tag:
point
I always wake up asking myself what’s the point of still being alive. Why should I even do anything.
Hey everyone, its been a year since I’ve been here. I’m back, more tired than I’ve ever been. Barely sleeping, although I lie in bed for hours and hours trying to drift off. Reading through all of your posts. You’re all phenomenal people, and thank you to all those who have so much compassion for others.
Worried for my friend who is suicidal and burdened by multiple mental illnesses. As for myself, I’m at a low point but I need to be there for certain people in my life.
Stay strong and take care, we’re here for you.
Does nature or God take us when we’re finally ready to go. At the point when we’ve learned everything we’ve needed to learn for this lifetime or we’ve finished all of the projects that will have made our life impactful on the world. My grandfather died shortly after being placed in a nursing home after bemoaning the prospect his entire life and fighting feverishly against it towards the end. Right now I am going through a burst of anorexia (not to be confused with anorexia nervosa which is not eating because you fear putting on weight) which means that I have lost much of my […]
Well am I ? My home life sucks I know every1 says that but it’s true all my parents do is fight and one second they are in a relationship then they ain’t but they still live in the same house and my mother keeps going on about me not being in a relationship and the only this I think of is them as an example and it real relationships are like my expme the I’m good the the 27 cats and dogs. and if someone gets to close to me all I think is run b coz it’s not going to end well of […]
I keep trying to tell myself that it’s alright, but it just doesn’t feel like it is. Everything is continuously getting worse, & I don’t understand why?? Like I try to get better but I’m just to the point where I don’t care if I’m better or not, you know? My grades are slipping & it’s not even half way through the first quarter. I wake up in the morning just wanting to come home & go right back to bed. It kind of really sucks, but it’s fine, I guess. Oh well. I don’t really have much to say. I just really needed to get that […]
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend who – surprise surprise – killed himself. It’s been over 3 years since he left. I was so crushed and felt SO guilty for about a… month. Yeah, it took me only like 30 days to get over the fact that somebody important to me died and that I might have actually pushed that important somebody a little towards the edge. Guess I’m one cold-hearted motherfokker. But despite not really giving a single disco dancing piece of poo about this once-so-tragic-but-not-anymore occurrence, I can safely say that I will never forget this little drama boy.
But hey, […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m trying to put together a playlist of songs that, throughout my life at some point, have held meaning. A couple may just be extras that are favorites from the offline playlist I’ll have on repeat when I go. But if someone would just listen, then you would know who I am. Sorry if you don’t understand the songs not in English, you are missing out on good stuff with deep meaning. 😉
Listen to me: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNzoz_Bdzq_8KDAlE7hyzW6vXBT0AxqR-
The feelings started coming back again that sort of empty worthless feeling and I’m still trying to fight it even now my trying not to cry
I read my Diagnostic report today for the forst time ever and I was like someone literally put all my bad quality in a “nice” little box and I realised just how pointless I really am I use to think that I can use what I DO have to my advantage but what I do have isn’t going to help me be successful in a ordinary part time job and I isn’t going to make me progress onto being happy and […]
I think most people have some idea of a ‘worthwhile life’. Maybe it involves being in love. Raising a family. Or close friends. Fulfilling work. Expressing yourself creatively. Or just enjoying yourself – sex, drugs, rock & roll (or whatever else floats your boat.)
But for some of us, those meaningful things seem out of reach, or we’re prevented from enjoying them by obstacles. Perhaps we believe ourselves incapable (or undeserving) of love or friendship. Unable to connect with others. Or we’re crippled by extreme social anxiety, and unable to function. Weighed down by feelings of loss or loneliness. Maybe we suffer from chronic pain and […]
I don’t know what to do anymore… I’ve been suffering from clinical depression for about two and a half years now, and nothing that i have ever tried has ever been able to help. The incessant feelings of pure worthlessness, self-hatred, and pure relentless sadness are becoming very overwhelming at this point in time and I don’t foresee it getting any better anytime soon. I’m just sad, all the time… and its so bad sometimes that I just find myself crying for hours, and i am tired of it… tired of all of it… I feel like a burden and a problem to everyone around […]
wow…. reading through a few peoples stories i have def found the right site. i had no idea anything like this existed. wish i had found this place sooner.
basically i have been in a living hell for the past 4 years, on a downward spiral is an understatement. short version is probably very familiar to a lot of others here.
a toxic mixture of a bad choice of friends, all kinds of drugs and what i can only describe as “shitty luck” has left me with constant uncontrollable anxiety/panic, painful intrusive memories that i wish i could forget, loss of ALL social function etc etc and […]
honestly i’m just so fucking tired of everything.
i’ve gone past the stage of feeling depressed, to the feeling empty and numb inside. everyday, i’m walking around like a zombie, my mind blank and not really listening to anything, yet on the outer side, i seem to be laughing and socialising. and it wows me just how much a smile can hide. haha.
what future do i have in life? everyday, it’s just the same thing over and over again, if you’re a student, going to school, coming back home, occasional trips out with your friends, if you’re a working adult, going to work, coming back home, […]
It was on this day eleven years ago that I decided to die. I was seventeen, and while I won’t violate policy by stating my method, the short story is that it was ineffective.
Ever since I was 12 or so, living has quite simply felt wrong. But I dealt with it. This fundamental issue was exacerbated by an issue that arose soon after. I had a really good friend, but every time she had a boyfriend, I got ridiculously jealous. Oddly enough, I always found a way to explain away my feelings. When similar situations arose in subsequent years, I concocted all kinds of ridiculous […]
I’m testing tomorrow to graduate, sure it’s with a GED, but it’s more than I’ve ever expected to do in life.
Like I’ve said before, I never imagined living past a certain age… But to be turning 17 next month, and to be graduating this month… It feels so unreal. I’ve already been asked so many times what I plan to major in, but honestly I’m not sure what I want to do with a life I didn’t even want to keep. I want to make a difference, I really do, but I’m just one person y’know? and I don’t know exactly how I’m going to […]
Just those typical brain clouds again, swirling around, filled with negativity, hopelessness, death. I’m fantasizing about something I shouldn’t be but I just can’t help it. It’s not about beating my thoughts anymore, I’ve come to the conclusion that they are simply just there, and they will stay there most likely. It’s almost a peaceful feeling knowing that something is out of your control and you just have to accept it. They come and go, I try not to dwell on them but there are those times where I am just consumed. That is when I feel the most lost, when I am a victim […]
I’m just so tired at this point that I don’t know what to do with myself. Two days ago during my two best friends wedding to each other I ducked out early, filled my car with all my belongings and was about to drive off and burn it all. I had bought two propane tanks I had intended to rupture, and a jerry can full of premium gasoline (which for some reason seemed funny being that I only buy low-grade) which I had intended to pour on everything including myself. It was going to be a loud painful and grizzly death but that’s how I […]
I posted this as a comment, but I just wanted to share it with others who might not read it.
I am still alive because of my curiosity. My life is shit right now, but it has to get better sometime, right? I just always tell myself that. It can’t always be like this. I wasn’t made to live this miserably forever. There’s no way. So my curiosity is, “I wonder when life is going to have that magical turning point for me. I wonder what’s going to be that turning point. What’s going to make me the ridiculously happy person I dream of being?”
So my advice to […]