It’s the pain I feel of every minute of every day. The not knowing. I don’t want to feel the ache in my heart anymore it’s killing me. I cry all the time and I breakdown and there is no one to talk to. It’s like living in purgatory. I know killing myself is the cowardly thing to do but I just don’t know how to kill this pain I have. I just want the darkness to take me, take me where there is no more pain. I feel like I’m dying a slow death but I wish it would just hurry up and take […]
Tag:
Purgatory
I just dont feel like being anywhere. It seems as though i dont share the same values as those who inhabit this patch of earth alongside me. I feel like im in a constant state of purgatory, neither here nor there. The only reason im on this site is i can express myself to those who might possibly relate, although im not so sure about that either. Im a blessed individual with a loving family and a lot of opportunities laid before me. Im mentally and physically blessed and i feel selfish for cursing my existence but i havent met anyone who gets me. Everyone […]
This time I died. Not when I was supposed to. I’m sorry to the man who is now Gone and I still walk. If there is a heaven then u have found it, and you may be looking upon me screaming. Yelling till ur lungs bleed and your breath won’t replenish in your lungs. I hate u is what you will prob say. Or I want to rip open your mind with a spoon and scream into it. WAKE UP U DUMB F$&@!! Just please wake up… But he never woke up. And never will I. Im so sorry Eric. I never meant for any […]
In a state of perfect suspension
Floating in undetermination
Waves of anxiety growing
Drowning and dying in frustration
Death on my face barely showing
Losing myself in the painful sea
Undefined creature torture to be
Forever shifting in unmade Mind
Unsure of any reality
My created world now to me lies
Kill me now, my doubted creator
Unbalanced, uncompensated I suffer
Unknowingly giving all my heart
I am ever unable to conquer
This infectious hope of a new start
Confusion seeps in and soaks my soul
Unable to understand the whole
Torturous cycle never ending
Thousand fire burnt heart black as coal
Light my apathetic soul defeating
Peace, that […]
I apologize in advance: this is going to be very unorganized.
I tried to kill myself a little over a year ago, but I was taken to the hospital. I dropped out of college. Around the beginning of the school year, I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I withdrew from school for a few months. The details are more complicated than that, but that’s not important right now. I got a job this past August, which I lost in January. Since then I’ve been moping around my parents’ house, pretending to look for a job or be interested in going back to school. Going […]
Through this graceless ravaging tempest
You seek to forsake this pitiful flesh
As you attempt a hopeless and doomed extrication
It clings to you with gladiator determination
You remain grotesquely animated
Choiceless, as your pain throbs unabated
Decaying within a merciless incarceration
Demonic phantoms do a deathly dance in your mind
Creating these hideous nightmares for you to find
On the despairingly glorious doorstep of hate
A gate guarantees elusively infinite escape
Bloodless corpses swirl through the mist
Promising a torture more fulfilling than this
Entranced, you eagerly stumble towards the howling wraiths
There is no hope in hell
No comfort when you fell
But purgatory is […]
Can’t bear the pain of being so despised, by the people I need to give me strength. Antidepressants don’t work, have been taking them for years. I get admitted to hospital, and get pumped full of drugs, I am ok for while but then, again I am kicked down into the hole for another year. They tell me I’m being indulgent, but I just want to hide from the world. Have become a hermit, can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t drive or go to the shop. 15 years in the hole is unbearable. I don’t believe it’s a medical issue, but the only response to the […]
I am writing this down for its (hopefully) therapeutic value. My hope is that upon reading this over I will realize the inherent ridiculousness of the position being advanced by this tract and be able to move on with my life. Here goes nothing.
I want nothing. I would rather not exist. I would rather never have existed, but since this is impossible, I wish to die. I do not want to hurt anyone through the cessation of my existence. I simply want to not exist. I have lived for 24 years and the only happiness I have ever felt has been fleeting and momentary. Would […]