For the past four years I’ve struggled with PTSD, Anxiety & Depression, but the thing is I think I had anxiety and depression before I even figured out I had it…5 years ago I was 15,lost and confused.. To start off my first year of highschool was a fail and I pretty much quit the first week, I went to one class everyday for a week because all of it was over too whelming for me and I didn’t understand why I figured you know it’s highschool it’s probably over whelming for everyone, but I knew it was different for me when I started thinking […]
I am 39 years old and I have never been married or had children. I have a job that causes me to have extreme anxiety (I take Xanax, amongst other things) and I dread going there every day. I can’t quit because I need the money to support myself. I feel like life has absolutely no meaning or purpose. It is just emptiness and suffering. I feel so alone and I’m terrified of getting any older. I have researched suicide and I have a plan and all the drugs I need. The only thing I lack is courage because I know it will be a […]
I am getting ready. I just want somewhere to say it. I can’t tell my friends excitedly about my plans, so I’ll tell you all.
I filed for residency last week. I will get my ID here soon. Then I can buy a pistol. I already have one chosen. Then I can take a concealed carry class and always feel safe, knowing death is always close if I need it. Though I still intend to wait until january, the weight and surety of a gun both soothes me and revs me up. Six more months. Six more months and I’m allowed to quit.
Just six more months.
So […]
drowning in your flesh
rotting in a cage
constant fear of mirrors
nausea when you look in one
dreaming about slicing off bad body parts and sewing on good ones
inability to look at a cis-person
feeling like a turd when your mom tells you to suck it up and quit begging for attention
envisioning yourself as a good-looking ideal-bodied person and feeling like the shit…but then the fantasy collapses and you’re back to square one with your awkward wrong body
It’s pretty unbearable. I can’t even get hormones for probably several years since my parents aren’t too supportive. I have an appointment with a gender therapist in two months, and that’s only […]
To kill time I binge-watched all 8 seasons of House on netflix. That show basically looks life, death, pain, sickness, grief, mental illness, addiction, lost love, anything else you can think of straight in the face and just puts it out there and really makes you think about how you would deal with that kind of stuff. Wilson was my absolute favorite. His and House’s friendship is the kind that’s excruciatingly hard to find and towards the end of the series House pretty much implied that he is nothing without Wilson. In one of the last episodes he goes on this epic tirade where he […]
I can’t work with my Dad anymore I can’t I can’t. How many panic attacks do i need to have before they realize that?
I’m you’re son… Not your employee.
I hate it there more than anything. And i don’t even have the choice to quit the job i never signed up for.
So I am new at this site and am seeking advice. I am in my mid twenties and am a relatively successful individual. About 6 months ago my life turned upside down when I was diagnosed with a cosmetic skin condition call fordyce spots on my lips. The problem with this condition is that it is progressive meaning it gets worse with time and that there is currently no cure out on the market. Over the past few months I have quit my job lost most of my friends and have detached from family, religion, and basically anything else that requires social interaction. I have […]
And again I’m crying like a child.
My mother and my sister both asked for my help at the same time. I can’t be in two places. They don’t seem to understand.
I left my only hobby, the only moment of the week when I see people and do something I like, because every week I had to pick up my sister from the train at that hour. Just too tired to argue with her.
I study in a online university, just to have time to work and pay for my degree. But I have to work in my mother’s shop for free so we don’t have to […]
I have shared with a few closer friends that I intended on ending my life recently, and of course they all wanted to stop me. I am struggling daily with the decision, but what I have found astounding from people is that when I try to find some way to do something positive, or productive with them (in order to move life forward and not think about suicide), they don’t show much interest at all. If I mention suicide, they are concerned for a while and ask what they can do. However, when it comes time to follow through… in fact a few seem to […]
I’ve been trying to believe that he is, but it’s stupid and crazy and i’m giving up hope.
And sadly now that i feel like this I don’t have any hope or happiness to toss around to anyone else. I’m back to wishing I could find an easy way to end my shit lonely existence. There is no easy way of course, we all know that. But there are ways.
If I could erase the memories it wouldn’t be so bad but that’s impossible. If I could shut off how I feel and how I felt then, that would solve this too but that won’t happen either. […]
I used to self harm on a fairly regular basis. It helps me feel in control of my out of control life. I promised my boyfriend I would quit. I used to have him sit in the shower with me just so I wouldn’t be alone and tempted to use the blade I keep hidden in there. Hell, I even got a tattoo on my left arm to cover the scars and make a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do it again.
Well..today I failed.. no one will see them. No one pays attention and I’m a very convincing liar. My psych doctor calls […]
It’s funny. What it all comes down to in the end. I thought id want to pack down my room for my parents. I thought I’d want to write an individual letter for every person I cared about. I thought I’d assign my belongings in writing, making each and every one a symbolic gift for those whom I adored. I’d thought I’d wear my favourite clothes and think about all my favourite things as I farewelled this life. But it turns out […]
Please, by god help me.
I just ABOUT briokw my FACE.
Sorryb f9rfor misss spelling drunk as ever.
two b;ack.
omg/////// please he.lp me. I fractured my jawk. I cant quit httin g mysekf.
I took Venlafaxine for years and at a high daily dosage — 300 mg. I began slow withdrawal in February and quit abruptly in April. It’s 5 months later. I’m still struggling with rages and crying jags and terrible impulsiveness and paranoia and … blah, blah, blah. Also withdrawing from klonapin. I am committed to doing this. I will not continue to take these drugs which never relieved my depression nor my anxiety. Has anyone made it out the other end, clean? How long did it take? I don’t trust the medical profession any longer and don’t believe members have the answers to these questions.
I want to be a Surgical PA. I’m currently a senior in HS and I know I may not be smart enough to carry out this task. I work very hard though and if I study and practice I do end up getting a good grade. Although in medicine you can study for hours and still not get a good result. If this is my fate I dont want to start just to quit. Those of you who have higher education, or are in medicine what is your opinion?
I was 21 when I first had suicidal thoughts. I was struggling at college, and had frequent migraines. The first time was really upsetting -how could I imagine doing that to myself? I kept going, and even managed to finish college. I got a job, and constantly worried that people would see me as not good enough, and wouldn’t want me around. It was hard to sleep. I would agonise over mistakes I could make. I changed job, and things got worse. I had a manager who was passive aggressive and a supervisor who was cruel, insulting us at every opportunity. I attempted suicide twice […]
I grew up raising myself from age 8 onwards. Prior to that I witnessed my elders shooting up cocaine, having sexual relations and committing violent acts.
My mother was 16 when i was cut out of that wretched *****. I hate(d) her with everything in me. Maybe hate was the wrong word but DESPISE definitely isn’t. When I was four years old I tried to kill her. I remember it vividly. When it came to crunch time I regretfully saved her life. (((To protect my anonymity im not going to reveal the method)))
Four years later I was cooking my […]
I do everything for you. You do nothing for me. You have come to expect me to drop everything and do whatever you ask. you’re a grown man…act it . Be responsible for your own shit. It’s all about poor you…you’ve destroyed me in your path. I have to get out from under you in order to survive. If you are there in the end things will be different but I have my suspicions that you will be long gone, when the favors stop.