before , I would always say that I was bored doing something from time to time .looking back from now I realize that I diddnt know a thing about being bored.now in my current life I am always bored…its kind of difficut to explain. I am emotionally numb except for those weird moments where I feel sadness.sometimes I feel so sad that I want to cry but I cant. I cant cry, most of my laughter is false and other emotions just arent there.without my emotions ,I am just a soulless body and that is why my current life is so damn […]
Tag:
Rare Occasion
damn, this ghastly insomnia has caught up to me again. It seems i am trapped in my own mind.
its never a pleasant experience when i am caught up in my own thoughts. idea’s and realizations take hold and i cannot shake them, ergo what led me to self harm in the first place.
but on a rare occasion a wondrous idea takes root, and it is great at first, but then i become fixated on it, it is in my every thought and dream. it makes me feel new and whole and like there is a point to the future after all.
but then […]
damn, this ghastly insomnia has caught up to me again. It seems i am trapped in my own mind.
its never a pleasant experience when i am caught up in my own thoughts. idea’s and realizations take hold and i cannot shake them, ergo what led me to self harm in the first place.
but on a rare occasion a wondrous idea takes root, and it is great at first, but then i become fixated on it, it is in my every thought and dream. it makes me feel new and whole and like there is a point to the future after all.
but then i bore of […]
One good reason to live?.. i don’t see one, i just don’t desire life anymore much like anyone who knows the feeling of constant loneliness, it is never ending no matter how hard you try. I’ve been trying to “be happy” for the past few months only because this girl who i could’ve called my best friend was telling me there are reasons to be happy.. Note i am also inlove with her… Or was atleast, i have no idea where that stands but that was the last thing i cared about. Now that its gone? I really couldn’t tell you what i plan do to […]
I feel numb right now, Â maybe of the anti depressants im taking, they make me feel weird. I cant sleep even though ive taken enough sleeping tablets to knock me out 3 times. I dont have anyone to talk to. I dont have the energy to write details, but here is my basic story.
My life for as long as I can remember has been unhappy, Ive been physically & mentally abused all my life. It made me insecure, I developed an eating disorder, self harmed and was suicidal a long time, I told myself when i’m older I wont feel like this and it will […]
Originally, I always thought that god loved me, and that other people loved me too. I thought that my lack of talents or good traits was just unlucky. But I dont think God loves me, or anyone else for that matter. Even my own mum, admitted that she thought that i am “Sick”. My parents are never going to be happy. Neither am I. It doesnt help that i have no talents or abilities or ethics, even the most basic instructions i find hard to understand. Im slow. Im dumb. Im weak. I have been called all these things by my parents. Theyre right of […]