I may be just a kid who is just now getting to know what life is to most people & hasn’t even gotten to my teen hood but Im already dead . Its just my body walking with what is left . I hate everyone i hate showing myself . I feel like im just alone in a dark world cornered but its okay ive been here awhile ive made it home . I’ve been here 7 years I saw how life & the world really was but Im stuck here nothing is gonna make me budge from this corner of mine its where my […]
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real me
As you get from the title I am new at this, I don’t really know where to begin. Sorry if it’s hard to understand I’ll do my best to keep it simple.
I’m still in highschool. I have been a cutter or “self-harmer” for about a year, though I have been depressed for years before I starting cutting. I tried to commit suicide a while back. I think about trying again everyday, I just don’t have the courage to try again. I’m afraid of what it will do to the people I leave behind. Life my family but most importantly my bestfriend. She knows about everything […]
I realized I can’t be an adult. I can just be me. And the real me feels better off without having to suffer another day.
I dont even care enough to want to die. Repetitive practiced motions propel me through my days. Mind numb and thoughts stagnant. The real me died a long time ago and the creature left in my place is weak. Slowly dissipating to nothing is more than I deserve and exactly what I’ll get. I’ve made peace with this.
How did I get here again? Ugh! I feel like I am never going to break free of this damn soul-disease that makes me hate myself. I feel numb and just want this continual emotional battle that I have going on inside of my head to just give it a rest and leave me alone already! How many more relationships do I sabotage? I have no friends and that is because I don’t want any. I believe that if someone gets to know the real me that they won’t be very impressed-so I push everyone away. I am not close to my parents and I […]
Look into my eyes,
What do you see?
Look into them hard,
Look at the real me.
Empty and dark,
Spirit is dead.
Feeling the numbness,
Inside my head.
Heart cold as steel,
Heart cold as ice,
Giving my love,
It paid the price.
The heart it beats on,
Keeps the body alive,
Demons inside me,
It’s where they thrive.
The struggle goes on,
Goes on each day.
The fight comes to an end.
In the coffin I lay.
Why me? Why does it have to be me feeling this way? Why anyone? Can’t I have a piece of happiness instead of this poison eating the real me away. I’m rotting. I’m no longer myself. The only feelings I have are my self-inflicted wounds. The only feeling that brings me out of my numbness, that is. Why can’t I have the support I need? I never ask for anything but for someone to shake me and bring me out of the dark. Someone to tell me I’ll be okay. Someone to tell me I’ll make it, because I’m slowing fading away.. I’m not sure […]
I have felt this way for a week now. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I have been depressed for 5 plus years. The reason is I have a very sick parent and they are getting worse. But. Then this girl came into my life and everything finally seemed to go up for me. I was happy again. I never thought I would feel that way again. I had someone for the first time in my life I could trust and talk to about everything. I could be myself around her and even show my real me and cry. She’s my everything and […]
I sit in my room every night weighing up the pro’s and con’s of ending my life? And most days the pro’s out weigh the con’s, but then I remember what I’d been told.
“suicide is a selfish act”.
Is that so? I can’t get my head around which is more selfish. Taking your own life, or being made to live it?
Yes before it crosses your mind I do cut myself, but I do it in random places not in lines so all it looks like is a few normal scars. I probably do it so keep some sort of sense of control so […]
Who am I?
The only question I’ve never been able to answer.
Even as a small girl I never really knew who i was.
As if I’ve been living a lie for so long that I can no longer recognize the real me from what I’ve become.
When i think about the fact that I’ve never told anyone everything about me, I realize that I don’t even know everything about myself.
But how is that possible?
Why can’t I remember everything?
Why do I not know myself?
So, here is a little introduction to myself.
I’m a teenage girl and I’ve probably suffered from mild depression since I was in the fourth grade; right around the time I moved schools. This has been a constant struggle for me in myself that I’ve mostly struggled through alone. I’ve never really had that support team or someone who I could talk to this about so this has been something I’ve bottled up inside for years. I mean sure, I’ve been I was in and out of the occasional therapy for some time and my family knows about it but it’s never been something I’ve […]
Atelophobia: the fear of imperfection, of not being good enough.
Today was great so why do I still feel like a worthless piece of shit? I worry more and more about weather or not I am going to kill myself. I no longer have a happy place to take me away from myself for a while. I feel it is almost necessary now to do it sense everyone is expecting me to. But the secret is I don’t want to die, I want to be happy. I want to wake up in the mornings with a smile and for the voice in my head to point […]
I’ll admit it, I still think about her every day. I don’t want to. The memories are wrong, twisted. They don’t bring a smile, or a feeling of joy. They just bring me down. The happiest moments of my life, and they are all fake. Oh, at the time I didn’t know they were fake, but now I know. Lying in bed together, holding her as she fell asleep. The love I felt for her, the love she felt for me. The happiest moment. But it was a lie. There was no love from her, no feeling at all.
I burned whatever bridge was left […]
I wrote this poem today at 1:21 am. It’s about a situation that happened just before.
In all those years,
I’ve built up a defensive wall.
It’s made of a thick layer of glass,
a thick massive wall of concrete,
and a thicker immense wall of marble,
with in the core the vulnerable and breakable me.
My defensive wall is that thick and strong that nobody ever came behind the wall of concrete.
My wall of marble stayed all that time unharmed and without a scratch.
But now that’s the past,
because you came into my life.
You took your gigantic wrecking ball to break my […]
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