Tag:

real

i know i will die alone

by ppcforpaperclip 3/9/2015

written by ppcforpaperclip

I was 12. I fell for the first girl in my life. And I cried myself to sleep every night.

I was 20. Someone told me I was blessed that I should be envied by everyone. I just said nah. What was going on my mind was, which blessed one on earth will fear that she would die alone?

I am 25. This fear is just getting more and more real. And I still cry myself to sleep.

It’s not just the lack of romantic life that hurts. Not just being appreciated romantically by no one. But that you know your fate and you can’t escape from it. […]

3/9/2015 5 comments

It’s been a long time since I posted

by bayareaguy 3/9/2015

written by bayareaguy

That seems to be a fairly frequent occurrence on this site in recent weeks. The vast majority of you probably have never seen my posts. The population of this board seems, with a few exceptions, to be very transitory.

In the last year and a half, I was known for being pretty positive on this site, feeling like I had made some significant progress and changes that were allowing me to turn a major corner in my battle with MDD. But, once again, I’ve run smack dab into a wall. This wall seems to be higher and thicker than before.

In just about 2.5 weeks (March 26 […]

3/9/2015 1 comment

I’m on one again

by Frankly 3/8/2015

written by Frankly

Everything we think is real may not be, it’s a strange concept but what if the things others say to us are said differently to what they say to others at the same time but we interpret those words in a pre destined way?

3/8/2015 1 comment

I fear her

by macd123 3/6/2015

written by macd123

Because with a word she could ruin me. Her influence is stronger than anything the pharmacy magician can conjure. You ask her a question and you hope her tongue will be like silk and not slit your throat. You feel her everywhere, she is your savior and can be your death. You read her lips, her smile, her stance they are all telling you to go away. You are distorted and hope that you can hide somewhere in her mind – you will always be looking in. You kid yourself that if she gives you any response at all that Jesus is real and love […]

3/6/2015 0 comment

Am i finally done yet??

by frikkinloser 3/5/2015

written by frikkinloser

So, to make this simple, i fucking hate myself. I am not (and will never be) content with who i am. Nothing is actually wrong with me, i would just thoroughly enjoy killing myself. I am only posting this to relieve myself of hatred, or at least attempt to. I don’t care for sympathy. I do not want help. Nothing will ever stop these thoughts, no matter what anyone tells you. I have more friends in my head than i do in real life, simply because we share the same interests; death. The absolute ONE reason i am still alive is my boyfriend. I don’t […]

3/5/2015 1 comment

Your story

by aj@merlynsquill.com 3/3/2015

written by aj@merlynsquill.com

I’m a writer working on a piece of fiction with the main character struggling with suicidal thoughts. I want this story to feel real, to connect with those who struggle/have struggled with suicide as well as those on the outside looking in. I’m looking for stories and feelings, the details that make it real. Please post in the comments or email them to me at aj@merlynsquill.com All emails will remain anonymous.

3/3/2015 3 comments

fog

by spvnalittlelie 3/3/2015

written by spvnalittlelie

anyone else ever get that mental fog… where you feel so out of it almost, but not in a good way? and you kinda feel like nothing is real, that everything going on is not really happening? -and you’re not all there?… i feel that way right now, and it’s messing me up. i wonder if anyone here can tell me what i suffer from, so i can have a name for it. because it bothers me not to know…

i feel so lowly and depressed. and dammit, i told myself i wouldn’t cry today…

3/3/2015 10 comments

Therapy?…

by pxckll 2/25/2015

written by pxckll

I keep thinking about going to therapy again… it never helped me before though… I dont know what to do… i dont exactly have cash on hand for an appointment… Admit myself back into a hospital???… ive never been with a bunch of other adults though… just adolescents… im too terrified of the adults there… would i have to stay for a really long time??? how much would i have to pay for it??? is it even worth it at all??? a knife or water can end it all much faster for me with little to no major pain… id be free, well, sort of… […]

2/25/2015 4 comments

I wish I had been someone different.

by thehusk 2/25/2015

written by thehusk

I want somebody to be with. I don’t deserve it. Right now it feels like I have no chance with anyone. But that doesn’t stop me wanting it.

I’ve completely fucked up my life, beyond repair. But that doesn’t stop me obsessing over what could have been.

I signed up to an online dating site, more from desperation than anything. The matchmaking system threw up a woman who seems ideal – warm, nice-looking, geeky, down to earth, clever, quirky. I keep looking at her profile, re-reading her answers to questions, wanting to message her. But what would I say?

‘Hi, you seem like just the kind of woman […]

2/25/2015 5 comments

Pre-Suicide Notes

by kinai 2/22/2015

written by kinai

Dear Mom,

No, I am not yet trying to commit suicide. Just not yet. Not here. Not in this winter. If I do it, I’ll do it right. I’ll do it at home. Our home. Our real home. Not here. So, chill, I’m still alive. Isn’t that explained why this post is called pre-suicide notes? Hah. I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry for being a failure. I’m sorry to disappoint you. I’m sorry I’ve been so wasted in this world. I’m sorry that I’m being like this. No, you did nothing wrong, mom. You’ve been a great mom. Yes you are. It is just me. I’m thinking […]

2/22/2015 2 comments

Have you called a suicide hotline? What was your experience?

by SP Administrator 2/21/2015

written by SP Administrator

I’d love to hear some real life experiences from folks who’ve called suicide hotlines…

How do they start off the conversation?

How do they continue it or keep you engaged (if they do)?

Have you ever called for a friend, and if so, what was that like?

This is mainly to get a quick sample of how people perceive them and whether they are seen as helpful, or not of much help….

Thanks for anything you may want to share.

2/21/2015 25 comments

I’m so sad. I can’t help but let it all spill out. why am I so depressed? why can’t I stop being sad? why can’t it just leave and never return? why can’t i crack a real smile? why can’t people stop talking about me and my life and the mistakes I’ve made and move on? why can’t I be left alone. why can’t I stop crying. please help

by unknowng_ 2/20/2015

written by unknowng_

2/20/2015 1 comment

OH..I GET IT! ^_^ no one reads posts anyway….atleast not mine.

by Khaliladivine28 2/16/2015

written by Khaliladivine28

so i didnt sleep last night
and i feel kinda energized
manic again i guess
talked to my friend online from egypt all morning
she’s fine she said just a agruement with her guy i heard
sounded more like fighting to me
but whatever.
i’m sure whenever i lay down and be still i’ll go to sleep
however i dont really feel like it.
i am curious about how long i can stay awake now
everytime i sleep i have wonderful sometimes scary dreams
i wish i could stay asleep for….ever though
but i guess being awake is a high too.

2/16/2015 1 comment

Folic Acid and Zinc

by ss78 2/14/2015

written by ss78

I’m posting this to help anyone here that reads it. I’ve been taking a folic acid supplement along with a zinc supplement and it’s really helped. Folic acid helps in the production of neurotransmitters which I’m sure anyone who’s on here knows that these are the chemicals in your brain that regulate mood. I hope that I have helped at least 1 person on this board.

Now, all that being said, I still believe that the feeling of mental stability that most “normal” people feel is merely meant to placate them and further the idea that this world is real. As I get older I suspect […]

2/14/2015 8 comments

Passive suicidal ideation.

by Jess 2/5/2015

written by Jess

That’s what it’s called. The happy moment interrupted suddenly by the painful thought, “God, I’m so stupid, I wish I could die.” It’s so silly, I can’t cross a bridge anymore, or stand near a high window, without it creeping up on me. “One jump, two seconds, splat! It’s all over.” You think that you’re happy, but all of a sudden the sanctuary of your mind is no longer safe. You have to tiptoe around your own thoughts, control the urges, try your damndest to keep it just that. Passive. Because if you take that leap, if you make that plan, if you reach for […]

2/5/2015 1 comment

im so lost

by Gebrochener Mann 2/4/2015

written by Gebrochener Mann

i dont know who i am any more. the people and things that i used to enjoy only serve to upset me. the magic is gone. i have no friends left and no will to make another. what purpose do i have? i cant find satisfaction any were let alone peace of mind. its like a constant screaming match in my head. nothing feels right any more, nothing feels real. im tired. i just want this to be over. i cant pull the trigger ive tried so now i just lay in bed at night crying hoping i wont wake up in the morning. this […]

2/4/2015 1 comment

I want to die

by ahannah123 2/1/2015

written by ahannah123

I am 15 I have sucky grades I broke up with my girlfriend she’s a cheating liar my family is anti gay my sister says I’m cutting for attention and I have no real support no way to kill myself no hope

2/1/2015 6 comments

by GinaWeaver 1/30/2015

written by GinaWeaver

Suicide has been on my mind all day. I can’t focus on anything else. I am a real mess today. I want to just go to sleep and not wake up but I know it’s not that simple.

1/30/2015 3 comments

To An Aborted Fetus

by todestrieb 1/24/2015

written by todestrieb

Well, I can’t say you really missed all that much,
and you were spared an ungodly amount of grief.
All in all, I’d have to say you came out on top–
at least, that is my belief.

And if, perchance, you survived your mortal state,
and are sitting on a cloud in heaven, sipping on something cold, with ice,
then thank your mother that you missed your turn at this dreadful waystation–
’cause they say it’s a real *****, having to be born twice.

1/24/2015 0 comment

because i cant speak of it, i’ll put it down here

by cathy arsis 1/23/2015

written by cathy arsis

i never knew my father, (my mother told him i wasnt his….i learned this thru my uncle at 13) my mother had a Phd in apathy, with a minor in witholding…..it wasnt really her fault though, she was 16, i was a mistake, and treated thusly…. she only carried to term in part to spite her mother, which she freely admitted, and since the moment of my conception, untill i left 4 days after turning 15, i was the blight of her existence, a heavy burden she had to bear, a punishment, if you will, for her spitefulnes….i’m making this sound so heartbreaking, and dramatic…it […]

1/23/2015 8 comments

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