I am a pessimist, I’ve always been that way ever since I can remember. I am that way because of my personal life experiences and some times its hard to look beyond that. How can I have hope that things will be better for me if in my life I’m only destined to reach a certain level of happiness. Maybe this doesn’t make any real sense but its what i’ve been thinking lately and how I kind of feel. I’m sad a lot, sadness that I haven’t felt for a long while. And it’s not over anything in particular really, I just feel sad and […]
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remember
Well, i’ve been on a diet and daily exercise since more than 4 months. Didn’t work.
I’
m gonna start college soon and i’m tired. I struggle with this since I can remember. I just want to know how it feels to be fit, confident and such…
I hate my body image and wake up every day just to see it and feel it again and being watched by others too.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Also maybe my ex bf and I will meet again this year and I just wanted to give him a surprise.
Damn it.
I don’t know how I do it. I think I’m different from a lot of people on here. I’m mostly happy. I have a house and truck and a cat and a business. And a wife. She means more to me than anything has ever meant to me. We’re so good together, the perfect team. Except we fight. A lot. When I get passionate about something I really dig in my heels and so does she so we clash. I have a temper, a bad one. I’ve been blowing up at people when they push me as long as I can remember. I work on […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SGDHfcZVOg
Here, it’s his little brother and sister but it could be your mom, your dad, your friend, your husband or your wife. I know how hard life can be and how desesperate a person can be but what you’ve heard on this video is the reason why I’m still staying in this shitty world. A suicide is the most personal of all things and you don’t need to involve other peoples, peoples you love. I’m not trying to stop you but just remember that even if you’re dead, the world still spining and on it, you will be nothing but a dead body and I don’t think […]
… I can’t remember them that clearly anymore.
It doesn’t mean I didn’t spend hours staring into them, but times makes all memories hazy, even the best of them.
I’d like to imagine those beautiful eyes filled with tears when you’d heard what I’d done. Maybe they would if you saw what I’ve done to myself.
The mutilation.
It was never because of you, it was in spite of you. And in truth, I got off on the pain.
Why do I torture myself and peek behind the curtain to the world you’re still in? The world that everyone is in, but I’m not anymore.
I walked out of that world, […]
If you are at the point when suicide is inevitable – it is not a matter of IF but WHEN – does it make sense to start distancing yourself from family and friends? Not sure if it would help but I have to believe it is easier to miss someone you remember as a jerk. I have intentionally not responded to calls and texts from my kids and a very good friend in hopes that maybe it will make them not care so much about me dying. I know it’s stupid but I’m going to do it any way.
So I don’t know if anyone would remember my previous post, but it was about something that happened between me and a guy twice my age while I was drunk. I’ve let that consume me in a way. I’m scared that I don’t remember everything that happened. And I kow he wouldn’t have had sex with me but I don’t know if I remember everything. And I know my school thinks more happened without know what happened. This whole situation sucks. It makes me feel like such a whore and I don’t know what to do. It’s been over a year since I happened and […]
as i stand in the shower with you absent
i wish that all the fucking memories would wash away and go down the drain
i wish that all the pain and emotions would drain out of me
so i couldn’t feel this bittersweet emotion
my body still craves you
like you’re my fucking drug
but my mind knows that you’re so shitty
and bad for me
and i shouldn’t keep up this addiction to your love and affection
but i fucking cant because you’re the only fucking person
the only fucking person that tells me sweet nothings at 2AM when im so fucking vulnerable
you […]
Hi,
So today I was almost run over because a garbage truck backed off. Before he drove back when I was behind it, the last action was that he drove forward thus making me think it is safe. He might not have seen me, but this is still his role to make sure it was clear I went to his window to get a story.
-> the police told me it is the right of the driver to do this… they did not show much concern that I was BEHIND the car at that time and that it was not clear what he was doing as a […]
Tears. Warm salty tears. I can’t hold them back anymore. I remember this feeling. This dark yet beautiful feeling of fear drifting away from my body. Seeing blood through my pain. As I lay in my bed of broken, sad bodies.. tears fill my eyes. Excusing myself from the souls laying still in bed..to go see tears break on the bathroom floor. I bring the razor to stain the white tile floor. To say hello to another tear in my fragile skin, and thank it for moving in. For it’s doing me a favor. Letting me suffer one more day. And one more night. Because tomorrow.. […]
It’s hard to remember that there is never truly a ‘right way’ of dealing with suicide, whether it’s you or a family member that has attempted. People will always get hurt, there will always be those feelings of shame, pointing fingers, those that will calls us melodramatic and say things that could tighten the noose a day sooner.
So knowing that, why not just buck up and take on that added shame when you reach out? I tell myself. Why am I so afraid of uttering my deepest secrets to the person that I’m expected to do that with?
Because the moment I do, he will […]
Hello my fellow SP users, this is your neighborhood unlicensed, untrained, and not so neighborly therapist. I hope some of you may remember my post from a while back. If not let me refresh your memory, it was an explanation of addiction and depression and other mental disorders such as OCD. I never told you all my story. The first time I can ever remember being suicidal was when I was ten years old or so, my brother and sister had been picking on me and my mom had yelled at me for it, I felt like hell and I wished desperately that the issues […]
Today is the 2 week mark that I haven’t taken pain killers. I AM CRAVING THEM SO BAD. But in their place I am cutting myself more and drinking more. Whatever I can do to try to make the pain go away. I miss the pills, like I miss the effect. I didn’t feel anything, I didn’t think about anything. I just sat there. And I like not thinking, because I don’t think of all the bad things. I don’t have to remember everything that I’m trying to forget. But I am trying to stop cutting myself, so when i wear short sleeves i wont […]
On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don’t wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found
I scream into the night for you
Don’t make it true
Don’t jump
The lights will not guide you through
They’re deceiving you
Don’t jump
Don’t let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don’t jump
You open your eyes
But you can’t remember what for
The snow falls quietly
You just can’t […]
Here’s an article about the positive effects of negative emotions. I think it’s good to remember that no matter how bad you feel, the feeling was designed to help you fix or compensate for whatever is troubling you. Killing yourself is not the solution…
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201412/beyond-happiness-the-upside-feeling-down?tr=MostViewed
I’m 18 and for as long as I can remember I’ve been suicidal, I would run in front of cars when I was 4 because I’d heard of people getting killed by it. My parents got calls from my elementary school because I would say I wanted to more or less die. My parents just told me to not say it anymore. By the second grade I had multiple plans to kill myself. In the 3rd grade I told one of my peers about my thoughts and he encouraged me to act upon them. I had my first suicide attempt when I was ten. My […]
There’s no doubts that now you’re not longer mine, You never were but I swear that what you gave me, made me feel like it was real; that I wasn’t dreaming. It hurts but it’s done. It’s so fucking hard to understand, but not impossible to knew that this was going to happen.
And just remember that besides you’re with someone else, and even that I know that the fucking time will pass, I will never ever forget you, besides everything I’ll love you. I love you.
To whom you decided to love, I don’t really know if she’s aware of the blessing that she […]
Vibrations communicating the inner world of my soul
As it reaches out your ear runs towards the door.
Absorbed through the wood of the floor, muted by the rubber of your sole.
Dogs only see the food I have in my hand, but nevering caring when I fail.
Distractions are luxury I can never afford; when I can it’s always an empty shelf.
Let’s go for that walk, take us to remember the past, the place I broke the half filled glass.
Remind me of all those scars, down to every last shard, pick them up to reflect the moonless nights.
How long till I bleed out from a fragment I will […]
Recovery is terrifying when you don’t know who you are without your sadness
by OddOneOut
written by OddOneOut
How does one figure out who they are without their sadness? Is it the mask I put on even when I am sad? Because I’ve been wearing that mask so often that I feel it is who I’ve become now…like the mask is somehow etched into my life permanently that it becomes a knee-jerk reaction to how I act around people…
How do I know who I am without my sadness, when I haven’t had a time I can remember that wasn’t without sadness?
Please help…I’ve been trying to figure this one out for weeks…
The pain is getting worse. The pain is getting longer. The pain is getting more frequent.
Maybe I should keep quiet about it. A silent suicide.
Yeah. I won’t talk about it anymore. If I die, then so be it. It’ll be all natural, won’t it.
Stay calm. Patience. Just be patient. Just wait. Let it be natural. All in all, it’ll be a better memory for those who remember.
Be patient.