Possible problem.
Last night I logged off and went to bed hours earlier than usual. I laid there and cried for what was probably an hour before falling asleep.
When I woke up today, I found that a friend had emailed me 20 minutes after I’d logged off. The email was brief and very desperate sounding, begging me to be there and answer. This friend has been in a suicidal mindset for quite a few months now; possibly even longer. Lately they’ve gotten more and more serious about it.
I […]
Its a privlage to have this chance
I will houner my father and mother for once.
I will established a supportive group of friends.
I will quit pornogapy.
I will make admens to the destruction I caused.
Total responsibility
Pass the GED
Read 1-2 books a mouth in this time frame
Take SAT subjective tests in Math Science and English.
Seriously they say good morning? Nothing good about it I fucking hate waking up early. (As you can see i’m such a morning person) Babysitting my brothers kids is such a bonus especially waking 5am Getting them ready to go to school and daycare. It ain’t my responsibility but I do it anyway because who listens to what I say anyway.
-Suicide
I was having doubts about this, but now I’m ready. Do you know what finally set me off? My mom. It was a good day, my brother started teaching me how to drive, my dad was just in his room, and my mom was watching tv. And my dad came out to ask about what we should do about our insurance. I don’t know why, but my mom started yelling saying that that should be his responsibility and that other families have everything sorted out. My family isn’t the richest, and whenever my dad does something without my mom’s knowledge she rages and when my […]
My guilty sentiments are very vulnerable.
Everything makes me feel guilty.
From the smallest things like knocking over a pencil,
To blaming myself for the Holocaust,
I don’t kid.
I am burdened with my own blame. My own Guilt.
Everything makes me guilty.
I am the cause of everything bad and I deserve to die horribly.
What the most recent experience? Take ten seconds ago. A peer at my school e-mailed me asking what questions we had to do for class. I wish I wrote down her parts on my paper, not just mine. But I only wrote my parts, because its only my responsibility, right?
Wrong.
I’m a selfish bastard who only considered myself […]
It’s no one else’s fault that I’m unhappy. The prospect of ‘living out‘, as it were, another 12 months or so of this is daunting, to say the least. It’s not that I hate my job. It’s straightforward and uncomplicated, but I can’t stand the inclination towards pedantics, the bureaucracy, and the incompetency of certain people. I mean, I know I’m not perfect but I’d like to think I do a decent job. In the end though, I know I’m replaceable. In every aspect. I wish they would just leave me alone and quit getting on my ass all the time.
I told a friend I […]
It’s been a very long time since I’ve found myself in such a dark place. My husband of 6 years has betrayed me. When I became aware of this, we talked. As broken as I was, I tried to be level-headed as well as sympathetic to what he was going through that would lead him to do what he did.
The next two days, though difficult beyond words, he did exactly what I needed from him; we communicated, at length. He took responsibility for his actions, and we continued to talk. But then, he suddenly changed his tune. He became cruel. Threatening to hide even […]
If I am weak or selfish shouldn’t I take responsibility for that?
Shouldnt I just get out of everyone’s way?
A hindrance is still an issue even if it only effects a few, it won’t get better til some sort of action is taken right…
Mom always called me a guinea pig growing up. At first I thought it was a term of endearment, but that was before she told me it was because she could “mess up” with me (by being a parent) and hopefully get the next one right. Being the oldest is difficult. There’s a lot of responsibility and I was always the one to make an example out of. Growing up in my house was hard. It got to the point where I didn’t want to be anywhere near my family and isolated myself to school and home. I was kind of a loner and I […]
I wants to be somewhat like a psychopath. Like having superficial charm, no empathy or feelings towards others in general, lack of remorse and guilt, highly manipulative , Lack of ralistic, long term goals, denial of responsibility, carelessness, high confidence, no fear and anxiety, grandiose sense of worth.
Psychopaths are destructive and antisocial but they are happy. Maybe I could be happy or less depressed if I had some psychopath traits.
So, someone wrote a post about “Window Shopping” the other day, and it got me thinking. I had this track I recorded lying around and decided to speak some words to it. Thanks for the inspiration! It’s a rough cut, but it helped me through the moment.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Window-Shopping.m4a
I am supposed to choose something
Anything, just not nothing
But I prefer the window-shopping
I get too overwhelmed by the options
It isn’t just tradeoffs, or give and take
There is so much more at stake
Pick what you want, but it might break
Then pay in time and tears for your fate
Imagine it’s a bomb that I’m meant to defuse
And I have to […]
I have been under constant monetary stress since i was 12. I always felt it was my responsibility to be a breadwinner. Every happy moment, every sad moment was suffocated by this false responsibility. now i feel like ii cant live without it. The second my life returns to some amount of safety, security , and normalcy i spiral into a depression. I hurt myself or get hurt by others until I’m back in some impossible situation.
I should just end it now, its apparent that I will only serve to make those around me miserable. It’s apparent im incapable of a normal life. Ive been […]
The only thing that is keeping me from leaving this world is my children. Even then, I can’t handle being a mom. I am so selfish for thinking such things. I see how people move on with their lives. They would be alright. They have more of a chance of making a better life for themselves than I do. And I can’t be a mother to them. It’s impossible for me to handle any kind of responsibility. My son is more responsible than I am. Get your shit together, your life will work out my friend says. I lack guidance and I’m constantly having to […]
What would I say? What would they want to hear? What would they want to know? These are a few of the questions that I have about what will happen after I’m gone. Other than that there really isn’t any telling what will happen to whom and how. There are of course the general predictions that we make about those that we know both in our families and out and about what our children will be like when they have fully grown, but aside from all of that, I really don’t care to find out.
In all honesty, I am not too eager to find […]
I’m feeling very alone and very scared of how alone I’m feeling right now. I’m switching between meds and I guess the other havent kicked in yet because I’m a wreck. A large source of my depression is a feeling of responsibility for those around me and feelign like no matter how much I do I can’t do enough, do exactly the right thing, be good enough ect. I just broke up with my boyfriend a week ago because I told him I just couldn’t handl the responsibility or pressures of a relationship right now. He was very understanding at the time but is now […]
I can’t stand people who complain, but won’t change the situation. Just complain about it. Some people say, I hate my job, but don’t actively look for other work or better their resumes to find a job with more to offer. People say, dating sucks (and it does! Don’t let anyone tell you different!) buy they don’t know what they’re looking for or are unwilling to give new things/people a shot. What I hate most is complaining about something that only you can change to fix. If you complain that you’re fat and unhappy, then maybe you should quit eating so much shit, work out […]
So, tomorrow I will be away from technology for 24 hours, because I’m involved in the Every 15 Minutes project.
“The Every 15 Minutes Program offers real-life experience without the real-life risks. This emotionally charged program, entitled Every 15 Minutes, is an event designed to dramatically instill teenagers with the potentially dangerous consequences of drinking alcohol and texting while driving. This powerful program will challenge students to think about drinking, texting while driving, personal safety, and the responsibility of making mature decisions when lives are involved.” (-The Website)
I couldn’t tell very many people, because nobody at school can know it’s happening, so I had to tell […]
I wanted to come here for a repost, as if once was not enough.
I’m a middle aged woman (55) whose life was wrecked by a cancer diagnosis followed by a divorce. Combo hit hard. Back then, I was tearful and melodramatic, and wrote a tearful and melodramatic post. Happily, that’s over. That is a distinct plus.
Another plus: I’ve lost my faith. I no longer believe in a life after death, and that’s a very freeing thing.
I have, I believe, been a good mother to my kids who are pretty happy, pretty well adjusted, and pretty clueless. This is a major plus 🙂
Meanwhile, I’m as suicidal […]
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