No more weight.

 I’m feeling very alone and very scared of how alone I’m feeling right now. I’m switching between meds and I guess the other havent kicked in yet because I’m a wreck. A large source of my depression is a feeling of responsibility for those around me and feelign like no matter how much I do I can’t do enough, do exactly the right thing, be good enough ect. I just broke up with my boyfriend a week ago because I told him I just couldn’t handl the responsibility or pressures of a relationship right now. He was very understanding at the time but is now telling me I’m being selfish because it’s very hard for me to listen to his problem, ccriticismand what turns into aggression. I was just trying to trim things back before I collapse under the pressure. I don’t know what else to do. He’s said all the things that were in my head. Hes told me how selfish I am. How I’m not thinking of anyone but myself. I’ve been told that since I was a child. Logically I know its not actually true. I make a conscious effort to not do things that benefit only myself. I’m trying to hard. I feel so alone. I don’t have anyone I can openly talk about this to because I’m afraid to burden them with it. I don’t want to add to their weight just to make mine smaller.I even feel bad calling suicide hotlines, chatting with them and even with this. I can’t imagine the things you all hear and I’m sorry to add to it. But rgiht now if I don’t tlak to someone I just…I just don’t really know.