I don’t event know what to say anymore. I can’t post on my Facebook or twitter how I’m feeling and I definitely can’t talk to any of my friends or family members about my brilliant idea to end it all. Ironically, one of my jobs is suicide prevention- and here I am the preventer and I’m so far gone. I fight with myself constantly to STAY alive, because I have children, and I will miss them and I know at least three of the four I have will miss me- but today I just give up. The first thing people ask is do you have […]
Tag:
Right Time
sitting here in tears over with life smiling like everything is okay but deep down i am having this cutting rage
i pull the razor out sit in the dark i dont wanna see the pain i just wanna feel the hurt.
recutting my scars crying i need help .
depression taking over suicidal thoughts on my mind
just waiting on the right time
to end this hell of a fucking life.
maybe if i die it would be easier to understand my story.
right now the urge to ace myself is strong. i don’t really know why. these urges come and go. for the most part i just ride them out. not now i say. time isn’t right. like there is a “right” time to die. there are things that need to be taken care of. loose ends tied up. careful consideration is called for. i have selected a few days next month. chances are those days will mean nothing. i am stubborn till the end. MY time schedule. not depression’s. so i am supposed to try being sober for x amount of days. to try to get […]
I noted a reply to one of my earlier posts that stated I was not actually talking about committing suicide immediately or maybe that was never my intent at all. To this I reply, if you were around on the Suicide Project six to twelve months ago you would not think that. The only reason I did not finish the job was because I was evicted from my home of 20 years because I had lost my job and became broke very fast.
Prior to becoming homeless last April, I had my Final Exit all planned out and was only waiting for the best time…for me.
The […]
I noted a reply to one of my earlier posts that stated I was not actually talking about committing suicide immediately or maybe that was never my intent at all. To this I reply, if you were around on the Suicide Project six to twelve months ago you would not think that. The only reason I did not finish the job was because I was evicted from my home of 20 years because I had lost my job and became broke very fast.
Prior to becoming homeless last April, I had my Final Exit all planned out and was only waiting for the best time…for me.
The […]
I don’t even think people honestly care enough about me to read, but here I go..
I’m still getting worse. I feel like it’s going to be worse than last time. Last time I was threatened with the hospital This time I might be forced to go. Everything is going downhill. Frank’s back. Doesn’t speak though. He only watches now. When I’m outside it’s terrible. I feel like someones there with a gun or a knife, coming to kill me, but every time I turn, no ones there. It seems now, that there is a person there, just waiting, following me around.Invisible. Waiting for the right time,right place. Each day is worse […]
I’m alone. Sad, tired of trying, of living. Tired of waking  up to a bright happy world, and seeing nothing except grey, and things only I can see, hearing sounds of joy, but only hearing the voices of my despair. Franks gone now. Replaced, forgotten. Austins here. He’s just as bad. Eyes are staring, watching with a pointed loaded gun,  or a knife waiting for the right time. I am forgotten, none cares for the sake of me, waiting for the right time. 17. The magic number. 15, countdown. They say if I die, I’ll be back in my world, back in Hallaqu, with Austin, and Goob, Frank, and 200. My […]
I know there is never a good time but how do you pick the time you want to go there just never seems to be a right time.
uh. I am so alone. I have NO ONE. i have not left this house with any friends since probably May. I pushed everyone away. Why? everyone betrayed me. My friends all talk meaningless about me. My boyfriend dumped me a little before we turned a year together, right after i lost my virginity to him. I am a total dumbass. God, and this is just friends. Family? yeah. nah uh. My parents are on the point of divorcing. Always chaos in my house with either me and mom, me and dad, dad and mom, sister and sister, and me or sister.
Ive been through so […]
All that I ever was and still partially am is care. People say I am very caring and sweet. They say that I do things other guys never do. If I am so good then why do I feel so empty? Why do I long to feel that girl on my shoulder? Why do I long to do more?   But yet why do I feel myself losing care for all these questions to be answered? Is it possible that the pain has finally stopped, no it’s still there. The pain is trying to hide,looking for the right time to reappear. It is pretty bad nowadays when […]
I’m sat in bed, crying. I feel pathetic even writing this but I have nowhere else to go. My mum just took me out to go to B&Q with her. On the way I said ‘I would like to go home.’ She pulled up and asked me why. I said ‘I don’t know what I want to do because I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to be here.’
She took me home. On the way I asked her if she was currently suicidal, she said no but she had been not too long ago. I said, ‘Next time you feel that way maybe […]
I have been depressd/anxious for 30 years but I have managed to find some happiness during that time too. I will never be “normal”. I know that sucidal thoughts have many causes, mentall illness, faulty thinking, life experiences or endogenous/ exogenous depression.
But many times people commit sucide because sometimes the pain of life is way too much to handle. Why suffer everyday…why die a slow death everyday? We all die so why not decide for yourself when the right time is? My only cavaet is to really think about the ramifications especially if you are young. Things can change in an instant.
*Please try everything posible to live and strive […]
People just don’t take me seriously. I must be that good of an actress. I try to put on a smile everyday so no one nags me about my problems.
Today in class, we went over the symptoms of depression; Yeah, they all sounded just about right. I know I’m depressed, and no one else knows that. I am showing the symptoms, but would anyone even care to take notice? No.
“Ask for help” should be the first thing to do right? Well I did. I requested to see a therapist. I told my aunts and they said “Sure we’ll find you one.” Two years later, I’m […]
Hi all,
As Im approaching dreaded birthday tomorrow,I’m SO tempted to just end it all tomorrow night. I would do it tonight,but have to work:( I could just take off tomorrow after some sleep,check into a remote motel,and just let go…. I get so frustrated,esp. when my bitchy boss just sent me a nasty txt telling me not to be “negative” to the new nurse that Im training tonight. This is AFTER I spent all week letting her vent about her problems,taking time to help her with scheduling everybody,doing extra work,picking up overtime(granted I need it) and,oh yeah,just going over there and offering to do 4 […]
First and foremost, Happy New Year everyone, though it seems that some of you here have had/are having a crappy time.
I’m new here, name’s Aki. I stumbled upon this site a few months/years back, but never registered. Got put off by the seeming anti suicide I was reading on here at that time (I think, I don’t know. I’ve gone through a lot of suicide sites). I’m not known or anything, but I do lurk around other sites, though they’re mostly pro. Anyways.
Here’s a brief summary of my attempted suicide history.
Started thinking about it when I was nine years old, then went through the whole emo […]
I know i’m not the only one whose life is messed up but i’ll just get it over with and tell the story…
It started it out when i was in 8th grade, my mom started to cheat on my dad, which i promised her i wouldn’t tell. (bad idea)It got worse, I later found out that my dad had depression not only him but my older sister and then there’s me. My dad got obsessed with my mom until she decided to leave him not only did it made him sad but it made him suicidal. I feared for him mostly because I later found out that […]