I’m scared . I’m in a happy state right now . I have been for a week or so . But I know that in about a couple weeks or a month I will go back to being really depressed . I know it will get worse . It does every time . My brain is so weird .
Tag:
right
I’m alive again, so damned alive I’m crying. It’s so funny how I laughed when I felt my worst, and now I’m crying. When she’s talking to me again. She doesn’t hate me. She’s okay with talking to me. I can fix everything I ever did. I’m not alone anymore. This is incoherent, and maybe it should be. I’m high on life and happiness right now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank God for Sammi, without her I never could have done this. Thank You, Hazy. Thank You, Rocketman. Thank You, Trix. Thank You, SeeSmith. Thank you all for being […]
I’m at a bar right now eating some good ass bar food listening to fleet wood Mac and in this moment I just realized I am happy . This food is so good and I’m content . Today was good for no reason . I’m happy.
I really feel the need to talk about this. I’m in tears right now because I’ve just realized a lot .
This world has fallen apart, and it’s getting worse…
I think humans have lost what life is really meant to be.
What have we done to ourselves ?
lemme emphasize better:
So since I was born I was taught that I needed to be smart , so I could get a good job one day to make lots of money , so I could have kids and feed them, then some day I would die .
everything revolves around economy . All we do is work work work! It’s one […]
Today was actually great.
im feeling low right now but other than that I’m doing good today .
and it was so beautiful outside , and I got to see my love.
ive decided to find something I’m good at, or at least find a hobby .
i love jewelry, and stones, so I’m gonna teach myself how to metalsmith . It’s gonna take time and money, but doesn’t everything ?
Ive never had a hobby , or even if I did it was only for a short while . Instead of laying in bed every second of the day, I’m going to find something I love to do.
I really […]
I’m sorry I can’t do anything right.
I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you.
I’m sorry I’m such a burden.
I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted.
I’m sorry I’m not good enough.
I’m sorry I can’t live up to your expextations.
I’m sorry I’m so lazy.
I’m sorry I don’t help you enough.
I’m sorry I don’t say I love you anymore.
I’m sorry I don’t kiss you anymore.
I’m sorry I don’t hug you anymore.
I’m sorry I’m not a good daughter.
I’m sorry I can’t keep a long term friendship.
I’m sorry I pushed you away.
I’m sorry I’m weird.
I’m sorry I don’t fit in.
I’m sorry I’m a huge fuck up.
I’m sorry I was born.
I’m […]
(Forgot to post this earlier , saved it as a draft)
Today is like every other day .
i go to class at 7 am get out at 2pm and now I’m at work waiting to clock in.
But today I woke up feeling a little better .
theres no reason why either .
i think it’s because it’s a beautiful day out
I live by the beach and it should be cold right now because winter is almost here but it’s a nice warm day and the sun is out .
it was raining for days and I think it made me sad .
I’m sitting here at work looking out the […]
Hey
I just read your post about how your friend was mocking you for being too darn sensitive.
I just want you to know that i actually know where youre coming from right now, cus the same stuff happens with me, its just i dont let other people know.
So if you wanna talk about it, i am sure that other people, including me, here on SP would be really glad to help you.
I have school today, and I really don’t want to go. I feel like complete shit this morning. It’s taking all of my energy to move, I’m forcing myself to type this out. I just feel… empty. I’ve always been terrified of death, saying that I’d never kill myself because I don’t want to die, but lately the thought of killing myself and writing out suicide notes has popped up frequently. I’d still never do it, too scared and like I said, terrified of death, but it’s affecting how I act and think. I was doing fine, getting better, but a few months ago I […]
Gorgeous, that’s all he knows her as. He knows she has a real name, and that there’s a real face behind that picture, but he likes to imagine that same face laughing, smiling, blushing. He feels something in his chest when he speaks to her, but he feels for the other as well. They are friends, him and her, and their playful banter often lasts hours. She calls him cruel for the compliments he gives, and he calls her Gorgeous. The makeup runs down her cheek in the picture, but when he pictures her, he sees those piercing blue eyes looking at him, or some […]
WARNING: THIS INVOLVES SCREAMO, ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.
This song made me cry the other night, of course I have no right to cry. I have no right to be forgiven after what I did, but that ‘s besides the point. This is for all of you who do deserve a shot, and a second chance.
ALL i want to do is eat and die….right now. i want to eat and eat and i try to squash down the feelings and it never helps and i am just plain TIRED of it all. i am useless. 🙁
I am here today to get some helpful info. First off let me say I’m not here for being talked outta anything. I’ve made my own decisions and don’t need judgment or to b talked outta doing it. Also no religion please. I’m an atheist and would not like to hear about what a fictional character says about what I wanna do. I’m severely bipolar with extreme ptsd and have lost literally everything that mattered to me. I could make a list but I won’t. I have very little family anymore and only a few possessions to my name. My decision is my own and […]
It’s over.
I won’t deny it
I’m so sorry
I hurt you
I did so many things
Not all of them good
You have every right
You should
I never said sorry
I’m so afraid
I’m so sorry
I can’t leave
I wish you happiness
Everything I couldn’t give
All I ever tried
Every little part of me
They all died
I wish could understand
I wish I could be yours
And You could be mine
You’re beautiful
I’m ugly
On the inside
You are free
Please don’t cry
Please don’t say goodbye
But most of all
Don’t you lie
And say you want
To see me tomorrow
Deer just isnt right
Deer tells himself that he isnt mentally ill
he thinks people will just use this against him
Deer hears things that arent really there sometimes
Deer gets urges to do really bad things sometimes like setting things on fire and watching them burn Or dragging filling his body with poison and constantly feels bad
he can’t complete daily tasks without feeling pain or wanting to go back to bed
he cant sleep at night and spends hours laying in bed thinking about everything he’d done wrong that day
he acknowledges his paranoia and anxiety but tries to ignore everything else
he doesnt knows […]
I thought I was slightly improving but I am struggling right now.
I fucking can’t do this anymore.
I HATE living with my partners parents. No, this isn’t me being a spoilt child this is me hating being 25 after 7 years of living on my own to having a controlling mother in law telling me what to do.
I’m not just saying I hate the parenting. It’s that nothing is ever right. To the point where I can do the pots, but if something is an inch out of place I will never hear the end of it 🙁
I can’t even explain how bad it is.
It’s funny looking at my older posts. Such illusion yet such passion. I can now pretty clearly see the illusions I was in. Of course at that time I couldn’t see them, but that’s how life has always been with me – a game of hide-n-seek where the thing you’re looking for is right inside you. What amazes me is the passion with which I was seeking. I no longer suffer from the things I was so terribly suffering from then. But that passion is also gone.
This letting go thing is pretty heavy with me these days. I am recalling that conversation from Matrix when […]
A stranger approached me the other day. It was the early hours of the morning and my partner and I were standing outside a takeaway, waiting for our food.
The stanger tapped me on the shoulder, to get my attention and looked me right in the eye.
“You’re not right”, he said, after examining my face.
He spat at me while he quickly stormed off.
I’ve always thought I’ve been a little bit of an ‘outsider’ but my god, this changed me. Ever since, I’ve noticed people look at me the same way when I pass them in the street.
What do they see?
-i need help. i don’t know if i want it. i don’t know if i’m ready for it. i don’t know the right way to get it. i just know i need it. i don’t know who i am. i don’t feel like a living person. my mind doesn’t exist inside my body now. i live in an illusion. i feel connected to the world, but i’m alone in a box with nobody else. my best friends don’t exist. they’re maybe out there somewhere but i haven’t met them. i won’t meet them. i’d give anything to meet them and have them in my life. […]