-i need help. i don’t know if i want it. i don’t know if i’m ready for it. i don’t know the right way to get it. i just know i need it. i don’t know who i am. i don’t feel like a living person. my mind doesn’t exist inside my body now. i live in an illusion. i feel connected to the world, but i’m alone in a box with nobody else. my best friends don’t exist. they’re maybe out there somewhere but i haven’t met them. i won’t meet them. i’d give anything to meet them and have them in my life. now i’m so far removed from reality that i can’t even relate to the people that exist-
my ramblings from October 5th, 2014. i think some of us suffer and some of us choose to suffer. i’m not sure which one i am yet, but i haven’t found help. i haven’t asked because it’s never the right time. life always gets in the way of life. seconds trip over each other and become hours and days and months. maybe i’m not strong enough to face what they’ll tell me about myself. maybe i can’t handle the thought of another week staring at blank white walls while people say i’m wrong. maybe i can keep pretending that things will just get better even though all of us know they won’t. and maybe some day i’ll find whatever it is i’m looking for that convinces me i’m ready to stop suffering.
1 comment
It will never be the ‘right time’, honestly. There’s always going to be some reason not to reach out. But there are also some self-help options out there that you could research if you’re not ready to pursue anything in person. I don’t know why ‘they’ would say you’re wrong (because you feel like this?) That last line could go both ways, you know. But things don’t like to improve by themselves.