I’ve tried to kill myself  before. No one knows of course. Sadly the entire bottle of pills I took didn’t do anything but make me vomit the next day away. My family just thought it was the flu. They have no clue that I want to die, they don’t know that I hate my self with the entirety of my being. No one knows. I don’t want people to know, I don’t want to be that weird suicidal girl. The one that everyone pities, the girl that no one knows what to do with. I’m now a senior in high school and graduation is less than two weeks […]
Tag:
Sad Thing
Hi,
I feel that I am not worthy of the life I have, I am not worthy of my amazing parents. I don’t deserve to go to the school I am going to. I feel that there are people out there that more worthy of the life I am currently living. I feel that if I were not alive, those people might have actually had the chance.
Despite my parental support, despite my amazing research advisor, I cannot keep up with my life and succeed. I feel that I can never go anywhere in my life. Not professionally, nor emotionally. I have never had anyone really love […]
I manage to log into my second Facebook account every other day, in hopes that my mom wrote me back. She does sometimes. but most of the time i have to wait for days before she writes me.
i don’t know why i try so hard, she never wanted me in the first place. she used to tell me she wished she had gotten an abortion, and some how i always manage to over look that. but today im just so so so far down in the rut i started realizing that this is what my potential life will be like. i cant manage to do […]
So, I’ve been happy. But things still don’t go how I need them to. Â Trevor will talk to me, of course. He even jokes with me and stuff. But he also still goes out with Kendall. But still. I wish it was me in her place. Gosh. The sad thing is that he doesn’t have a “type”. I can’t figure out what it is that he likes in a girl! He has dated girls that are nothing alike! None of them have anything in common. Anyway, it’s not like it would matter anyway. If he doesn’t like me, good for him. I’m not going to […]
Honestly. I have such a broken heart, even if I’m 13. Who the fuck cares? I can’t feel loss at “such a young age”?? You try living my life, see what YOU think this is. I’m not weak. I was weak once. But I grew up. That’s right. 8 years old. My grandpa died, I had to grow up. Within 5 minutes, I was completely mature. I had to be. My grandma just lost it. I had to take care of my little sister. Of course, I was barking orders, but I had to. I pushed the feelings down. I was a drill sergeant for […]
i decided to do a bit of a project, an experiment of sorts …
im not going to touch my phone all weekend. i want to see what my friends will do, or if they will even notice. The thing is I’m scarficing alot just to do this, and Im not even sure why im doing it … I stayed home last night, which for me is not normal. Im always out on weekends. Im missing good parties this weekend. Part of me wants to pick up my phone and make plans but it’s just one weekend right? I just need a break from society, a break […]
No one cares and those who do i dont want them to becuase i willonly just end up hurting them, People have been saying tome that im a real andi should just die.Maybe there right? theres nothing left for me in thuis world.
two days ago i fell down the stairs i can now barley move as my neck and back killsme. the sad thing is that i KNOW i derserve it, i am repilsedwith the things i do and ii know i shouldnt be aroudn t all.
i really need help, but my family dont understand,neither do my frineds i hang around with, they think i’mover […]
The drugs that I have been on for the past year are Effexor, Wellbutrin and Lamictal. The doctor told me they were antidepressants however I was always depressed. The only problem was that I never felt fully cured or happy. During the day or when I was around anyone I would always put on a happy face and joke with everyone so no one could see my pain, depression and loneliness. Everyone thought I was a happy-go-lucky guy. At times I almost convinced myself. What really made me realize that the Effexor and Wellbutrin were working to some extent was if I forgot to take […]
Overthinking. This is definitely a girls worst enemy. What causes our mind to get so many meanings out of one sentence..one word.
Love. This is something i have never experienced. Seeing couples together. Holding hands, just being together makes me envious. Finally the chance arose. I was finally in the fist stages of being in love and then my mind began to think. So close to finally bring with the one i love. Everyone would say that we were almost destined to be together. But almost was right. He would never show how he truely felt towards me, at least i didnt see it if he […]
Hey. I’m the Knight of Flowers. I’m Hungarian, 23 years old and have a great job which comes with superb salary. My problem is I can’t stop thinking about who I was: a f’in poor guy who worked for anybody just to earn the money to pay the rent, buy some food. Now I’m rich but I don’t want to be successful because there are people starving or get killed for no reason. Wait, there is a reason: human’s cruelty. We live in a world where most people are evil, only act when their action results in benefits. You can be lucky, have a great […]
I posted a while back explaining a lot of what has been happening that has driven me back into a depression i had finally escaped last summer. I’ve been trying to figure out who i am to see if maybe i can convince myself that i actually deserve this life i’ve been given. But i honestly don’t know who i am, and i don’t think i ever did. I put a mask on when i was young so no one would see that i was slowly dying inside, and i lost whoever i was to this mask. I feel almost no emotions anymore, i force […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
yup remorseless thats me i feel no remorse no pain…. i gave myself that name because i dont care for my life i never did…. im just a monster who does not belong… when someone dies it doesnt hurt me… i stop trying to find someone who would get me, someone who would accept me but turns out theres no one… day by day as i looked for acceptance in this world i only end up hardening my shell because i know theres no one out there… so i stoped caring, i stoped taking care of myself and i someone gave up on my art…. […]
What if the kids from school read this?
Will they make fun of me more? Will they beat me up?…AGAIN? Will they think I am just a poser? What will they think of me? If they think I am a poser, they can go get in line. I have my scars for my proof. I have too many scars to be a poser. And no they are not just bike-crash scars. They are cutting scars. I have been cutting my self for a while, trying to work up the nerve to just end it. End my suffering. End the sad thing I call my life. Too […]
The sad thing is that i try to go a day without cutting and putting the thoughts out of my mind, but i cant even go two days without having an urge. Its become an addiction and its only getting worse..
So my brother threatened me again today. He bullies me all day and today he threatened that he will hit me.
I know this is not as bad as other peoples issues but this is my life and i can’t stand much more of his abuse.
My mum pretends that nothing is going on. I have already started cutting again within 24hours of seeing him. I promised i would stop. But i just can’t keep that promise when he is around.
And you know what the sad thing is….. tonights spat was set off by the slightest thing. The internet.
I hope he does hit me, just so i […]
i drag myself from my bed, from the warmth of my room, from the safty of my house. and go to what i call my living hell. i pull up. park my car take a deep breath and put a fake smile on my face. all i think is i dont belong in the day light. i walk through the halls full of liers and perverts, bullies and bitches and think to myself. i cant wait for college.
walking down the hall. my music blasting.. i look up.. and see your eyes.. the eyes that i used to love. and now every time i look into […]