who else ?????? so tired … i slept in the afternoon, i washed a lot of clothes today, im not depressed, im good right now, but i want to kill myself, but i have everyone around me, and i live on the third floor, so cannot jump. im safe.
You are right foster care sucks and I was told that by a social worker when I considered giving up my son a couple years ago before an attempt at suicide. I just want you to be safe first and foremost. Many people grow up in extreme poverty and in homes that are very abusive. Those that survive are said to be resilient. We need to make you resilient, strong and hopefully happy. You can be and I know it. This may or may not work for you but when I get ultra depressed I watch documentaries about others lives especially those that suffered greatly […]
The king is dead
Once apon a time, he walked the streets a king
Happy,proud
safe and sound
Life was a joy
His home was his heart
He loved so much
No hatred in his thoughts
He was happy in his home
He was living his dream
Now life’s got him down
Chained through his knees
No turning back
He’s to tied to this place
Stuck
Roaming the same streets
No crown on his head;
The king is dead
Responsibilities like cement to his back
Never ending nights and no one’s up late
The world he once loved
Have turned him it’s back
The days are the same
Through his […]
why do i bother aparantly im a lier whats the fucking point in shearing things in a place i thought was safe i give up
of the unknown and feel soo tired. i dont wanna get hurt, i want to be safe, i want to do it, i just need some time, i need a good building.
I’ve decided that night time often is the worst time of day for me. How cliché – the worst comes with the darkness. I don’t like the dark. I’m sat in it now, with the dim light of my laptop illuminating my typing fingers and not much else. I try to familiarise myself with it, to know that I’m safe in my room when it’s dark just as much as when there is light.
I don’t know why this fear came back. Honestly, I do not understand, I got over my fear of the dark when I was a kid… but this past year or so, […]
I think that I am feeling better. Or am I? I am so used to telling psychologists about my life, but I haven’t really listened to my own words. Could this actually be my reality? Seems like a weird and sad movie, really. I’m going to try to keep this short. EDIT: Turned out to be longer than expected…
I’ve had OCD for like forever, which probably is harder than I realize. I lost my best friend when I was 8 years old when a tsunami hit Thailand, my father has been drinking way too much for as long as I can remember, my mother has […]
I feel cornered.
The past six years of my life, I’ve been telling myself it will get better. My friends, my family, the various therapists I’ve been to, they all say the same thing: it will get better.
But now that I’m here, I realize it’s not going to get better. I’m going to be crippled by this black hole in my mind for the rest of my life. There’s no cure. I’m not interested in leading a life marked by this strange, hellish pain. I’m too tired to put up with it anymore. As much as I want to love my life, there’s simply […]
I am glad to have stumbled upon this safe haven where I can be as ruthlessly negative as I please. Sometimes it feels good to just let it out.
I want to welcome you to your life. I’ve seen and filled it with my eyes, and it is pure. When you believe in something strong, you can be too sure. And if it’s safe to sleep at night…
I will walk you through your home and set your place. I’m still attracted by your smile, that rests upon your face. You don’t want to rest your lips.. So lets keep them speaking. I hear her speak to me..love
Oh she told me things I’ve set in stone, drove my heart steaks through the ground. I’ve up rooted..all I’ve known.
I know a world […]
Everyday at work I come here instead of doing what I should. i love to help people, I really do. I think that we all deserve kindness and patience and love and respect but don’t give it to each other. Life seems shitty.
I’m living with someone who use to be one of my best friends and someone who I thought was my friend. The former BF slept with someone I was sleeping with. It makes me angry yes, but what makes it terrible is that we had a conversation about their desire for each other where I communicated I would be uncomfortable with them sleeping […]
I can’t take this hospital. I’ve tried to hold it together, I’ve tried to be strong, for you guys and for my sister, but I don’t know if I can anymore. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’ve had a complete 180 turn since I was admitted 2 days ago. I feel like there isn’t hope anymore. I just can’t live with my past… it’s too horrible. The only reason why I’m wondering if I shouldn’t is because I don’t know how my sister would react. I think she’d blame herself, and I don’t want that. I just want her […]
Okay, let’s see.. my story sucks a lot.. my name is Hannah and I’m 14, but it all started when I was 6.. when I was 6 my mom got married to my step dad, he had 2 sons, one was 13, when they moved in the one who was 13 started doing things with me.. I didn’t understand it then.. but he was sexually harassing me.. he was touching me in places and getting me to take my clothes off for him.. when I turned 8 we moved and it stopped.. but I felt odd around him.. I just didn’t feel safe.. when I […]
Honest question, one I’ve never had the guts to ask, but I feel like it’s safe to ask here. I grew up ugly, emotionally abused and neglected. It’s all I knew, and every bit of good I did ( raising my sister, joining the Coast Guard, being a good friend no matter what it cost me) was in spite of where and what I came from, not because of it. And I’m tried of fighting against everything I was raised in, just to be a good person. It takes all of my effort just to be normal, and sometimes it doesn’t feel like its worth it. […]
I was doin good for a little while or … Well it seemed so… I dont think I’ve ever been “doing good” i dont know. Does anyone ever just feel like they are living some kind of joke. Some kind of fake thing. Life to me is kinda wierd. I’m not in control of my own mind/habits/thoughts and that in itself scares the shit out of me. My parents really have gone the extra mile for me. They provide me. Safe haven while i try to regroup myself and im 28 so its embarressing as hell. They try their best to encourage me. Im a […]
It’s strange. I am not exactly what you’d call a thin person, nor am I tragically obese. In reference to fruit, I would say that I am an apple. I’m large around the midsection. It would be safe to assume that I don’t run…or exercise daily. I’m not a fitness nut nor am I terribly unhealthy. In fact, I’m quite average. I can walk a mile in 10 minutes flat, which doesn’t sound like much to some but I know people who are, 1/24th my size and they couldn’t walk a mile in 10 minutes if their life depended on it.
Lately, my sleep schedule has […]
…When someone posts and they never post again. I’m left wondering, “are they still here?” Everyone here seems like intelligent human beings with so much on their minds, to even think that one of them is no longer here is heartbreaking. Did they get what they want? Was it painless? We never really know do we? I’m not really religious or superstitious but I hope you guys are alright. Know that there’s someone out there who cares. Please stay safe, everyone.
Do what you can to stay alive, my friends…….try as hard as you can to keep yourself safe….and then take a well deserved nap.
Peace and prayers,
Bayareaguy/Jay
I am laying in bed crippled by fear. There is nothing that can stop my brain from reminding me that I have something new coming up, something new to be afraid of. Why do I always feel like this? Scared, anxious… Hopeless.
Thoughts of “what ifs” and “what will happen” haunt my everyday movements. I can’t get out of bed, I won’t. It is just to hard. I am safe here, happy if I don’t let myself think.
Every little thing is hard.. If I shower, go to the shop, go for a stroll into town, will I get a panic attack? What if I do and I […]
I hate myself, I hate people, everything hurts. I don’t understand happy people. Even if someone is not a psycho, most people are assholes. Everything depresses me, the pills don’t work, the exercise doesn’t work, therapy doesn’t work. A 15 year old boy was raped in the bathroom of my local mall. You’d think a kid that age is safe to go alone to the bathroom. I read that two 12 year old girls stabbed another 12 year old girl 19 times. A man tried to sell his baby for $50. What the fuck is this shit hole? How can anyone be happy? Is everyone […]