I’m Carys, and this is my story. It started back in seventh grade, from January to now. I had recently met a girl, Kristin. We clicked right away and life was good. Until summer. One of my friends from before, Olivia, started acting up a bit. She was quieter, and preferred to stay behind more. I got concerned, but she wouldn’t say anything. Later, I discovered Kristin was a lesbian, and she liked me. I was kind of astonished, and I didn’t know what to think. Eventually, I fell in love with her. At the same time, however, Olivia revealed to me she liked Kristin. […]
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School Year
The line between sane and insane (reality and imagination) is skewed heavily and it’s getting hard to decipher and find out if it’s which. How do I slow down the process of insanity? I still have my head, but not for forever.
How do I fix this? Memory games? Extra reading? Keeping my mind off of any critical thinking? I got the last one covered, this whole weekend I avoided thinking and further depressing myself. At least I ain’t going back to asphyxiating myself.
This is odd. Is it really insanity? Or is it just another disorder. Or maybe I’m actually getting schizo, after creating another persona […]
Ten years ago
We were both fifteen. Teenagers. Too old to be called children, and barely old enough to be called teens. Too old to be taken care of, but too young to get many freedoms. Lost, reckless and confused, much like the majority of our age group. Except for one tiny difference: we were being held in a school for emotionally unstable teens.
Neither of us thought there was anything wrong with ourselves, but apparently the rest of the world disagreed. We were both there for the same reason, which was cutting and repeated suicide attempts. Nothing some special school could fix; just a bit of […]
So I guess I never really considered trying to write out my story anywhere, but maybe getting it all down will help me put it into perspective, help me decide whether or not I can take this, haha.Â
I’m turning 17 this December and my most frequent thought is generally that “I’m so young why is everything already so bad.”
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I should be out, enjoying life, enjoying myself, going places with my life, planning for post secondary.Â
But nothing is happening, I’m not doing anything. Lack of motivation is a horrible thing isn’t it?
I grew up in Canada, having moved to BC when I was just […]
I may be going to boarding school year after next. It’s this amazing science school in the state, and I REALLY want to go, but I’m also TERRIFIED.
I’m not good enough for my shitty public school, much less this place!
But I want to go so bad. It’s exactly what I want; a way to get the fuck out of here and get started on college before 4 years are up.
But I don’t want to go through going to a new school again. Even if everyone would be new.
But I wanna be a medical examiner; if I have the opportunity to go to a school that […]
I apologize in advance: this is going to be very unorganized.
I tried to kill myself a little over a year ago, but I was taken to the hospital. I dropped out of college. Around the beginning of the school year, I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I withdrew from school for a few months. The details are more complicated than that, but that’s not important right now. I got a job this past August, which I lost in January. Since then I’ve been moping around my parents’ house, pretending to look for a job or be interested in going back to school. Going […]
I posted on monday, saying that i will overdose on medication and i actually did that. I did a suicide attempt on tuesday. Well, i actually knew i was going to survive because i knew the pills weren’t enough to make my heart stop beating. I took 19 pills of efexor with cough syrup. I went to school and they’ve called an ambulance there. It was to late to empty my stomach. When i was in the hospital they’ve let me drink something that looks like black waterpaint with sand. It didn’t tasted but the feeling was awful and they’ve took soom blood. They wanted to […]
I grew up an average child, but gradually becoming more and more overweight as I grew. I talk to people about this, very few people I might add, but they keep giving me the same bullshit answer. “It gets better.” Well, I don’t think it’s getting better after 3 fucking years! I started cutting 3 years ago, during summer. I was on vacation and a fight went on between me and my mom, and I left, took out my knife and cut my throat. Ever so slightly. I didn’t want it to end this way. I wasn’t going to go down after the first cut. […]
Well I got expelled this school year. I been getting and trouble this school year ! I only got suspended 6 times this school year. I Got put out after the six time because I was about to fight this boy. He push my cousin and he was talking bad to me so I snaped and went off. Well the principle decide to expelled me. So when he expelled me I went crazy by punching the wall , crying , screaming , I the hit principle , threw my school I.D at my the principle too , Broke the shelf , threw a pencil at […]
It’s obvious I am hated by everyone, they just don’t say it. I really wish they would just tell me that they hate me instead of pretending. I mean, who would want to spend their time hearing some stupid retard ***** about her life? I don’t know what to do. I’m always tired, but now I am so tired that I can’t even act happy around two people!!! This school year I’m gonna tell everyone to stay the hell away from me because, again, no one wants to listen to me. I am pretty sure I need help but I’m too scared to try. I […]
I’ve never really understood things the way others seem to and I often feel out of place. It seems just when I start feeling good about life and feel like there is something I can really get behind and feel proud about supporting, I get shot down by obstacles and people (sometimes those few who are close to me). I’ve always had a view of the world tinted by dreamer’s eyes, and so realism isn’t exactly always my forte. I can get passionate about anything, but I can also get down and out about anything. At the drop of a hat I can turn from […]
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