I hate attention so dont think im asking it with my posts. Im new, and not sure how to work this yet. So want to know me if you care?
Im deeply depressed, and only recently found out how bad it was.
Ive never told anyone I know about it.
Nobody at school knows.
Im 14.
Im a girl named randi-leigh.
I hate my name.
Im a “fake smiler”
I like imagine dragons
I cry a lot
My parents are divorced
I hate my body
I guess I have more problems then depression
I wish I coukd be dead.
This is my first time posting on this site. I just want to share why I’m considering ending my life.
I’m a 19 year old male from Hawaii.
I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.
When I was a child, I was coerced into sexual acts by both a cousin and a “friend” (at different times in my life).
At age 13, I was diagnosed with a medical condition known as Marfan Syndrome and was told that people with this disorder don’t live very long. All throughout middle and high school, I was teased because of this condition.
I spiraled into a deep depression, and my grades started […]
I’ve always been told that I’m living wrong, I’m doing things wrong, I have the wrong hobbies and interests, hanging out with the wrong friends, being either to shy or to loud, spending my time wrong, treating people wrong. And I have always believed them, my family, my friends, my teachers or whoever I was in contact with. I tried to be like them, like the “cool guys at school” even though it was exactly them who bullied me for years; I tried to befriend them and act like them, because every input I got from anyone was about me being wrong and them being […]
I seriously do not know what I want anymore. There have been many times when I have a dream for my future and I have no support or confidence so I end up giving up on the dream and changing it. My mom wants me to do stuff that I do not want to do, I do not want to disappoint her, but FUCK! I want to do what I want to do! I have nothing! Now with all the stress my mom has brought down on me, and the stress of not knowing what to do with my future. I don’t want this, I’d […]
I get told I’m fat. I weigh 130 with a height of 5’6.5″ I now eat small portions, try not to eat anything in between meals, and I go to bed at night and dream of the food I could eat. I get up from the table and feel so hungry. I want to eat so much more but I can’t let myself eat. I have a congressional debate meet this friday-saturday. We can’t wear bracelets…. I will be so vulnerable I’m not looking forward to it. I got told today that I work too hard and need to stop trying so hard. I study […]
before my deployments started i was good for 80k plus a year i was not teh most liked guy in my workplace but I did ok. Teh war taught me to really appreciate what I have and to treat my “clients differently to appreciate their human qualities and understand it wasnt my job to make them miserable instead it was my job to ensure they were safe and in custody. You see I was a Correctional Officer, and an MP. i was my institutions go to guy i worked OT 6 to 8 months a year solid 16 ours a day 7 days a week. […]
I’m just sick of this life. I don’t want to go to school and get bullied everyday, I don’t want to be poor anymore, I don’t want so many things to happen… But they do.
Cause this is life. Life sucks. Maybe not everybody is meant to wait for their ending, maybe some of us need to take care of that earlier. Which I’ll do.
Some background info. I’m 15, bad looking, anorexic (92 pounds) and poor. Been bullied last year of school in 9th grade and dropped out of school because I couldn’t stand it anymore… Now I’m into one of the worst high schools in […]
I’m 27. I’ve been depressed since I was a teenager and quit high school when I was 17. I’ve been dealing with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts ever since. I’ve lived many years as a hermit, then started going to therapy and I was institutionalized for a year. Then last year, when I had turned 26, I was done with therapy and I needed to take the next step, so I went back to school. I don’t have any diploma’s, noone is going to hire me (nor am I ready for a job), so school it was.
When I wake up, I feel darkness surrounding me
When I’m at school, I feel darkness surrounding me
When I’m home, I feel darkness surrounding me
When I’m out with people, I feel darkness surrounding me
At my happiest moments, darkness posses me
Everywhere I go this burden will always be with me til my final day
The darkness doesn’t let the sun rise
Day after day, all I see is pain, misery, sadness, and negativity
i’ve wanted to be an artist since i was 14. make animations, draw comics, create illustrations, whatever, my mind has been set on that goal from the moment i realized that that’s what i wanted to do for the rest of my life.
the problem is, my art sucks.
at first that didn’t bother me much. i mean, i just started, of course i suck. i’m still young, i’ll get better, i just have to keep practicing.
and for 2 or 3 years, that’s what i did. i looked for resources online, asked my parents to put me in an art course, started keeping a sketchbook. really wanted to get […]
no home, no friends, anymore. they think i dont care. no love, no hope, no qualifications, no school (depression sorted that out). i need somewhere to go where i can be myself and not be reminded i have a disgusting family that want to ruin my reputation and shit all over my fathers memory. now i feel like i have to push mum away because shes not doing it right. every single aspect of my life seems messed up. ive had it all my life “your life is like a soap”. yeah, well im never gunna forget my friend telling me that, in second year. […]
This is how it usually is.
My mind is whirling; an endless buzzing that steadily grows louder.
Yet when I try to talk to someone, when I try to express or explain what’s going on inside
I freeze up.
I blank out.
All I feel like I can manage to say is “I don’t know”
Just like now.
I want to get out the parasitic thoughts but when I put my fingers to this keyboard I can’t get anything to come out.
And as I reread this to myself I can’t help but laugh because of how artificial the words appear.
That they don’t do justice […]
I don’t want to go back to school and be bullied even more, and yet i’m still here on this planet. What’s worse, the look on my foster families faces when they see my dead body or the daily torment of bullies?
I usually wear heels and skirts to school, looking put together, but today I just didn’t feel like it. I showed up to school in sweats, vans, my pajama shirt and threw my hair up in a pony tail. This guy literally came up to me and said “Is that (my name)?” My outfit complexly represented me. Not a good day. Someone called me boring. He may have been joking, but I couldn’t tell. I don’t want to be boring, but even I seem boring to myself now.
xoxo,
It’s Only Me
My story of depression starts when I was 12. I self harmed for the first time. I didn’t have any friends and I was considered a loser. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t that depressed then. I was depressed, but not terribly bad. No, things started going horribly wrong my freshman year of high school. I couldn’t pay attention in class because I would start imagining my death. Blades were my crutch. I managed to make a few friends, but people still knew me as a loser. I was sad all the time, that’s all I really remember. I was never happy. Happy was as […]
It all started when I was in 7th grade. I was a fat harmless lol girl who always minded her own business. Then all of a sudden everyone started calling me really hurtful names like trash , fat , whale , fat ***** , fat ass. They would always tell me that I wasn’t pretty enough and they would tell me to kill my self that no one would miss me. Id run home crying Locked my self in my room and got the blade and cut my legs and stomach where they wouldn’t see because I didn’t want them to see that I was hurting […]
I’m failing college, and therefore wasting both time and money. I’m eighteen and existentially distressed, so how my parents think I know what I want to do in life and how they think that I can put on a happy face and go to college is beyond me. I have no one to consider what I should do with my life with. My parents say “college.” There’s simply no other option.
I don’t know what I want to do in life, to be honest. I’ve had ideas, but they all never worked out. I thought I might want to learn programming, but it’s boring, and boredom […]
Watching football this weekend and joking with SP posters about it was a nice distraction to the tormenting in my head. I still can’t think beyond Monday but I did take my meds tonight… I even contacted a few doctors. I don’t fucking know. I stop myself every time I think about the future. I don’t have the energy to fix my life after 3 years of hell… deferring grad school twice. There is no way my brain can recover in time to restart grad school in January.
Thanks guys… I didn’t feel so alone today.
I made a bunch of amazing friends my freshman year, i finally felt loved and excepted by these amazing people. I was surrounded by love, art, understanding, and passion. School ended i said my goodbyes and had to go home knowing i would not return to them in the fall. Summer went on and i was alone in a new city with only my brother and mom to keep me company; but that wasnt so terrible; one of my friends lives 40 mins away so id see her maybe once a week or a few days every other week; plus my best friend frmo school […]
As stupid as it sounds, I thought I would never be bullied.
I know suicide isn’t ever the answer. But it feels like the only option. I can’t live like this anymore. I’ll start from the beginning.
My name is Avolvia, as ugly as it is, I prefer Ava. I’ve always liked my name before I came to live in Mississippi. Before I came here, I lived alone. A runaway that no one looked for or cared for. I wandered everywhere and eventually ended up in the house of a nice old woman who I consider family to me. She took care of […]
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