Hello, I can’t keep taking life from no success and all failures. They say you should try and keep trying but all i have been doing is stopping and stopping. I keep telling myself will i get better if i keep my vision on the right track. But when i think about it.. What do i really envision about myself? I’m 24 and male. my life has been a huge lack on interaction with people. it’s so hard to be myself with new people because the real me is a trans-gender. I always had more guy friends then girls.. I wanted to have more friends […]
Tag:
screaming
My head is torturing me. I keep having this very vivid image in my head. This dream that haunts me even when I’m awake. It gives me one hell of a motherfucking headache also.
I walk into the house. It doesn’t matter how the dream begins, I always end up in the house. My house. I’m immediately greeted by the smell of blood. I think it has a smell. Especially blood associated with death. Something you never forget.
The smell of that blood is imprinted in my mind. The blood I was covered in when he was killed. I think I got some in my mouth. But, […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Shit I should have stayed at work if I’d have had any idea this would be a night of screaming and hollering about Lady Gaga and other anorexic girls and “how good” it looks when you can see every bone in their skeletal bodies! It’s like I truly don’t exist and I’d be my fucking paycheck I’ll be spending my birthday alone because he’s probably getting girls left and right now.
Shit, I’m getting to the point I wish I hadn’t ever met him. It’d be so much easier to go on thinking that Jamie (from Twiztid) was the hottest guy on earth. Shit, he’s famous […]
Why?
I am tired of asking the same fucking question
I am tired of smiling when inside i feel like i am dying
I am tired of the fucking bullshit
I am tired of lies
Don’t i deserve the truth??
Why does everybody seem to love screaming at me?
Fuck
Why did i have to be born??
Urrgh
Bone crushing pain i feel everyday
Tired of this cycle repeating
Tired of begging for help
Tired of feeling alone
Tired of myself
Tired of not being enough
Tired of making eveyone else happy
Tired of being left out
Tired of hoping for nothing
Tired of dreamless […]
im ready for the void
im ready for the nothingness
my very last breaths
into the darkness
my heart beat quickens
it starts to race
beating slower and slower
to a steady pace
someone runs into the room
screaming loudly
but i can barely hear them
trying to save me despertly
the world around me goes black
this world is not right
drove me to suicide
im now dead tonight
This is my current muddled understanding of my situation.
A part of my brain (we’ll call it the emotional part) constantly tells me that something is wrong. I am not what I should be. I do not relate well socially. I do not have social status. I do not have real friends. I do not have a mate. I do not have children. I do not anticipate this changing. This is a problem, apparently.
Why is this a problem? The only reasons I can give are evolutionary – that my brain is a product of a process that elevates those who can maintain good social standing, relate […]
I wish I could hear him say:
‘I’m with (her) and happy.
You’re forgiven for being a ****.
I’ve changed.
I’m alive. Are you?’
If he’d changed things, I could let go.
If I didn’t think of him, the depression wouldn’t be as painful – but that’s what’s bringing me back here. Remembering feeds the depression each time it gets worse. Before that, it was getting easier.
I’m getting more suicidal. I can’t and won’t kill myself, so I just have to try to accept it and work around it.
I can’t sleep again. I think I’m getting ill. I’m too hot and cold.
I crashed again today and came […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m just so tired at this point that I don’t know what to do with myself. Two days ago during my two best friends wedding to each other I ducked out early, filled my car with all my belongings and was about to drive off and burn it all. I had bought two propane tanks I had intended to rupture, and a jerry can full of premium gasoline (which for some reason seemed funny being that I only buy low-grade) which I had intended to pour on everything including myself. It was going to be a loud painful and grizzly death but that’s how I […]
I keep spinning back to the darkness. I have one good day and then cycle down to the lowest low. I KNOW I should be seeing a therapist but there is no money for such luxury. I am intensely jealous of all the people in my life who do not work – have not worked for years – and they have shrinks. They see doctors. They have every medication under the sun to even them out. What’s my med? I get to fake it. That’s my med. I get to wake up every day and go to work and be nice and friendly and productive. […]
Why the hell is it so much harder to cope on some days. Feel like screaming at the top of my lungs then breaking down in tears WTF
its like i feel like screaming and crying and destroying everything but at the same time i just want to curl up and die silently and i want everyone to see me and care but i want to be alone and have no one even know i exist. its confusing and scary and i cant tell ANYONE my dad couldnt care less about anything to do with me and my friends dont need the added stress
I am 20. It’s been 4 years now. Everyday I say to myself “I want to die”. You know the little games we play in our mind. Mine is – saying to myself “I want to die”.
It started off due to academic pressure, then bullies, then other tensions. Eventually I am now a failure everywhere. If we meet someday, you wouldn’t be able to tell that I am suicidal. I wish you could. No way can sense how unhappy I am. I am just another introvert in front of society. Inside I am a tired guy screaming in tears – “I WANT TO DIE”.
I am […]
I just slapped my 5 year old brother. Before you jump to conclusions let me explain. Me and my older sister just got kittens, they were abandoned buy their mothers and they are only 5 and 6 weeks old. My brother, we’ll call him Mike, keeps grabbing them and squeezing their tummy’s and basically being really rough with them.
We’ll about half an hour ago, he decided that he was the kittens…. father, I got really annoyed because he was being really mean and loud. So, eventually I told him that he needs to let them be (he was also holding the hostage), and he started […]
I’ve been battling depression for 1 year 3 months and 12 days now. Ridiculous as it sounds I lost my virginity, and it… broke me. To you guys who have casual sex with your girl/boy friend, I carry no judgment on you guys. But my purity was everything to me. And I have destroyed it with 93 hook ups in the past year.
Losing my virginity made me feel hopeless, and I got depressed and suicidal on 3 accounts. I’m happy to say I have been free of depression for a little over 3 months now (woo-woo!). I’m proud of myself for making it this long, but… […]
The trees are screaming
The baby’s bleeding
And you my love, you are crying
Why do you weep?
So sorrowful
All these secrets you do keep
But if we could only talk
Maybe it would help
I wanna make it okay for you
I don’t know how
When I see your face
I smile and I cry
Coz every time I see you
It’s been longer than the last
And then we leave without ever speaking
I just had a massive fight with my family. Its my finals week and last terms finals week my dad asked me if I could stay at someone else’s house. This time I asked my dad “is your offer still valid” and he said yes. I was packing and my mother came and started screaming. She said i humiliated her in every term of my life and told me to fuck off. We are always fighting and they are always saying bad words. Okay I accept that I am a pain in the ass when it comes to school but thats too much for me. […]
I need help but screaming wouldn’t save me even if I could
I need to leave
But I’m scared to go
I need to breathe
But they’ll never know
I can’t get out
It’s starting to show
I’m screaming loud
My fuse has blown
Help me please
I need you now
I’m on my knees
I swear I’ll drown
Please don’t leave
Just pull me out
I need to leave
I have no doubt
Please Be my escape
Then you can leave
Be My gate
To a place of strength
I need a step up
Out of this place
Heal the cuts
That cover my face