The past few weeks I started having these odd psychosomatic complex partial seizures. I get convulsions and distorted thoughts/speech. My doctor isn’t sure what it is because one of my medications helps prevent seizures. It sometimes seems like a psychotic episode- I get convinced something is trying to escape through the top of my head and my speech doesn’t make sense. Most of the time it sounds like bad poetry. I even posted something here during an episode that didn’t have full convulsions. Some people think it’s anxiety, but that seems pretty far-fetched. I don’t have symptoms of anxiety or anxious thoughts before an episode. […]
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Seizure
Quite recently, I had a seizure. This seizure kind of threw my mind out of wack, because I remember before passing out thinking about how I didn’t want to die. What really gets to me is that this is sort of the opposite of what I think I want. I always think about how people’s lives would be better without me. Do I subconciously want to live? I have been thinking about this ever since I had the seizure.
I’m really sorry if none of this makes sense.
Today has been better than yesterday was for her. No yelling, no fighting, no hurtful words were propelled at her.
Last night was rough on her. She had to meet her regulars, some nice, some not so much. There was always those men who were very aggressive and since they were paying they felt entitled to anything they wanted. The girl would stop arguing after the first hit, she would stop resisting and let herself float into subspace waiting till it was over. The girl would awaken with noticeably black bruises up and down her arms, her neck, and down her legs.
She is afraid to go home, she […]
To hide the pain, the feelings, the urge to slice at my own skin.
by BrooklynBoxx
written by BrooklynBoxx
IÂ sit there in the cafeteria
He sits on the floor he’s talking i cant hear him, my visions bluring black around the edges
I’m brought back because of an intense pain from my hand, my ex boyfriend yet again had bit me, i know he just flirting… that he’s only using me..
I smile laughing telling him it doesnt hurt, he doesnt realise he saved me from another embaressing seizure, he smiles biting my harder i ignore it typing on the computer with my left hand as i try to complete a school project. He lets go and we sit their for a while. I feel him bite […]
For ten years I’ve messed around with my brain. I was never happy and I’m still not. I’ve lost almost everything that matters.
Last night I woke up screaming. I was asleep, had JUST fallen asleep, and in my ‘dreams’ I was talking on the phone when I had a seizure. It felt so real. I fell forward, unable to reach the phone just staring at it. Finally I screamed. And that woke me up. This happens all the fucking time.
I laid there and I realized, the dreams really aren’t that bad. Even that terror that I feel at the last minute before the screaming wakes me, at […]
How do you really tell someone you’re in pain without it bothering them? Without making them feel useless for not being to help you? Normal activities will only take you so far. Should I return to pointlessly opening my flesh? How many OD’s til I get it right? When will this spit stay in my mouth? When will my body stop aborting itself? I don’t want to kick and thrash anymore. I don’t want to freeze in one state for minutes on end. I want my old life back. When I was a humorous person to be around, when I would laugh at myself even. […]
The shooting today.. 20 kids dead… 6 adults it brought up so many memories, that may have even no relation.
First the shock that someone can hurt kids so innocent.. then i remember my past 2 people hurt me.. when i was so young.. to innocent to protect myself. At their entire control, my life was basically in there hands…
Then i thought of how these kids would suffer 5-10 years from now. Like i do today, the symptoms of my PTSD have cause severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, psudo siezures, multiple persanality disorder, and bipolar. I agree some of these may not have been a direct result, […]
It’s been quite a long time since I’ve been on here,
Life still continues to pass me by. I met a girl who I have been involved with for around 9 months now.
I have learnt a lot about her.. Heck I even love her. I didn’t think I would meet anyone again at least not after the relationship I was in prior..
She’s changed from the girl I originally met back in December. She isn’t the girl I fell in love with..
She dismisses my feelings like they are just disposable. She’s sent my heart into a deep abyss, of darkness, anger and hate.
I have so much uncertainty […]
So here is what is up. I’ve been in the hospital for a few days, I’ve seen sum doctors and a therapist. I went to my new therpist and doctor today and had very good results. . They kno that the feelings and the depression has been caused by all the nuro/seizure/brain issues I’ve had all my life. Plus all the meds I have taken. They are also believing the auras I’ve been having are silent seizures, which scares me so please keep me in ur prayers.. I have a wonderful therapist that is helping me thru sum issues in my life as well as […]
In the past ten months the following has happened:
Sept: My grandpa was missing for three days. He was found alright. However I had to face the fact that both him and I would tell each other we were ok, while we were both falling apart. And my ‘boyfriend’ came home from a summer away and went back to being emotionally abusive.
Oct: My friend/boyfriend continued to be abusive, and also was struggling with depression. At the end of the month I had to call his mom because he was suicidal. He hated me for it.
November: My little brother had a seizure and was […]
I’ve been on the end of my rope now for about a week. So many things have been going wrong and getting so much worse. The reality of physically not having anywhere to go after I move out of the dorms for the summer is really starting to sink in. I tried to convince my boyfriend that we should stop seeing eachother to make it easier for him when I go. I can really see that there’s no getting better for me. I feel like it would be easier for him if we weren’t together when it happens. He was so confused and it made […]